


I'm Not in Denial, He Says, Denying

by aschente



Series: High School Drama is a Bitch [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Everyone is an idiot, High School Drama, I fucked up, I'm so so sorry, Jealousy, Kinda?, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Stupid Title is Stupid, and bad at tagging, baekhyun is alone, because he can finger it so skillfully, damn it chen, i might cry, i'm sorry i'm horrible, poor child, what are tags, what the fuck am i writing tbh, yixing has a guitar named jongdae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:36:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 61,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschente/pseuds/aschente
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter what anyone says,  Jongdae is absolutely, positively, not jealous of that stupid fuckboy Sehun in any way, shape, or form. Not the way he has Yixing practically eating out of the palm of his hand. Not the way his ass looks in those stupid skinny jeans of his. Not the way Yixing looks at his ass in those stupid skinny jeans of his. And definitely not the way his stupid noodle presence has Yixing forgetting about everyone in the room, totally-not-jealous best friend included. Because no matter what anyone says, Jongdae is absolutely, positively, not in love with Zhang Yixing.</p>
<p>(Or, the one where Jongdae is probably the densest human being on the face of the planet, Sehun is a little shit, Yixing looks on with raised eyebrows, Tao is a Sehunsexual angel, Minseok is pretty much an asshole, Luhan is too whipped to notice, Jongin wants to punch Chanyeol, Chanyeol wants to punch Jongin, Kyungsoo wants to punch everyone, Yifan is an idiot, Junmyeon is a proactive idiot, and Baekhyun is Baekhyun.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> hello i have forgotten how to write so this will turn out v shitty. apologies in advance.

From the moment he steps into the park Yixing had asked him to come to, Jongdae realizes that something is awfully, dreadfully wrong.

First of all, this is the park he met Yixing in when they were eight. Out of all the parks in the world, why would Yixing ask his best friend to come to this one if it wasn't something serious?

Second of all, Yixing is on a swing. Not just any swing, but the swing he had been sitting on when Jongdae asked him to play for the first time. Also, for some reason, Yixing's guitar is strapped to his back and he looks nervous. Why does he look nervous? It's making Jongdae nervous, and one should never ever be nervous around their best friend.

“Yixing?” Jongdae calls out, half a mind to run away from here and never look back. “What the hell's going on?”

Yixing looks up, sudden relief on his face. “Oh good, you're here. For a second I thought you'd stood me up.”

Okay, so maybe Jongdae was a little late, but that was because he had been mentally debating whether or not to approach Yixing. He had probably been debating for like 20 minutes, or something. When your best friend asks to meet you in a park that holds some significance to both of you, of course you'd get suspicious, right?

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “You loser, we're not going on a date. You can wait here for like, 3 hours and you'd have no right to complain because you're not my boyfriend.”

“Well, uh...I was hoping I could change that today,” Yixing says shyly, unzipping his guitar case to reveal his favorite guitar, Jongdae. Yep, he named a guitar after his best friend.

_“I'll name him Jongdae because I can finger him so skillfully,” Yixing says, eyebrows waggling. Other than a smack to the face with a pillow, he receives no other complaints._

“Wait, what? What the fuck? Why are you taking out Jongdae? Yixing, don't tell me...”

Alarm bells sound off in Jongdae's mind, but not enough. Honestly, if Jongdae knew what was going to happen, he probably would have sped off to leave Yixing with his guitar and speak to him the next day as if nothing ever happened.

However, Jongdae is curious and slightly stupid, so he stays despite the voices in his head screaming at him to run.

Yixing takes a deep breath before strumming his guitar. Jongdae has to admit that it sounds pretty nice. The way Yixing plucks the strings make the song sound upbeat and downright lovely, but then Yixing starts singing and the only thing that comes to his head is _oh shit._

_“An X is kiss for a soft kiss_

_An O is for a circled hug_

_Maybe you already know_

_Day by day, I secretly wrote you a letter_

_And that’s what I wrote at the end_

_Although I’ve never given it to you”_

Jongdae's eyes widen comically, practically bulging out of his sockets. If he had been drinking something at the moment, he would most likely have spat it out all over Yixing's face.

Yes, Yixing's voice is nice (not as nice as Jongdae's, of course), and Jongdae honestly loves the song his best friend is singing. But the problem is that the song is directed at him, and oh shit, how is this going to work? Jongdae has nothing but the most platonic of feelings towards Yixing, and he has no idea what the hell he should do. His heart sinks in his chest when he realizes that he's going to have to reject his own best friend, and possibly ruin their friendship for all eternity.

_Damn you, Yixing. Now I'm going to have to reject you and things will never be the same between us ever again._

The thought of not having Yixing as his best friend almost brings tears to his eyes, but he holds them in because he's a man. And men don't cry over their best friends. Maybe. Probably. Whatever.

_“When I fall asleep as I think of you in my dreams_

_I open my arms and into my warm embrace_

_I XOXO you, hold you in my arms XOXO_

_As much as I was nervous and earnest_

_My lips almost touch yours_

_I XOXO you, every day in my dreams XOXO”_

If Jongdae wasn't about to burst into tears, he probably would have scoffed at the sheer cheesiness of Yixing's lyrics. Zhang Yixing, a hopeless romantic? Jongdae never would have guessed. He makes a choked noise from the back of his throat, tears already threatening to spill out.

Unfortunately, Yixing notices. Jongdae had hoped the song could last longer so he would have more time to think of how to let down Yixing without completely ruining their friendship, but he just had to get emotional and start almost crying, didn't he?

“Whoa, Jongdae, are you okay? Shit, are you crying? Crap, I'm sorry - “

Jongdae swallows, sucking in his tears as best as he can. “I-I'm not crying,” he says, convincing absolutely no one. “There's just...stuff. In my eyes.”

Yixing raises his eyebrows. “Okay...I'm just gonna stop with the song because it might make you tear up some more. So...what did you think?” he asks, feet shuffling nervously on the ground.

_Oh no._

Jongdae takes a deep breath, deciding that he'd just let his mouth say what it needs to say. If he fucks up, then he'll just fix it later. Thinking of something to say now will probably take him an hour, and he is sure Yixing isn't that patient. He shuts his eyes, not wanting to see Yixing's sure to be crestfallen face.

“Look, Yixing...um, the song was nice. Yeah. But if those lyrics were meant for me, then...then I'm sorry, I...I can't think of you as anything more than my best friend. It's absolutely impossible.” he says, eyes still shut.

The silence between them is so loud that Jongdae's heart is beating fast enough for the silence to be broken. He cracks open one eye to see Yixing doubled over, clutching his stomach, tears spilling down his cheeks.

_What the fuck?_

“What the fuck?” Jongdae asks out loud, opening both eyes. “Are you fucking...laughing?”

Yixing answers by laughing out loud for the first time, wiping his eyes. “You...you thought the song was for you? Oh my God, I can't believe it!” he cries out, breathless from all the quiet laughter.

Jongdae can't help but be offended by how hard Yixing is laughing.

“Hey, what was I supposed to think? You ask to meet me in a place that holds sentimental value, you look nervous, you have a guitar and you start singing a love song? How else was I supposed to think of it?” he asks, wiping his eyes quickly. He hopes the accusation in his voice is enough to hide how flustered he is because, well. He had the wrong idea, and although he is thankful for that, he's still plenty embarrassed about it.

“Fair point,” Yixing says. “I guess I should have thought about it more. But what did you think of the song?”

“The lyrics are really cheesy,” Jongdae points out.

“That was the point. I think he's gonna like it better if it's cheesy so he has an excuse to hit me afterwards.”

Jongdae perks up. “Who's this he?”

“Oh, someone you don't know that well,” Yixing says, waving his hand dismissively as if it doesn't really matter. Which of course it does.

“Hey, I'm your best friend, I have a right to know! You must really like him if you're willing to write a stupidly cheesy song, and I need to interrogate the people you really like.”

“Okay, whatever, mom. Look, I asked him to meet me here, so he's probably on his way. If you could just go now...” Yixing trails off, shooing away Jongdae like an annoying pest.

“Don't tell me you're ashamed of your mother!” Jongdae fake gasps, hand clutching his heart. “Come on Yixing, tell me who the guy is. You owe me that much after making me think you were confessing to me.”

Yixing frowns. “You'll find out tomorrow anyway, just go. I don't want you to see me singing that song more times than you have to.” he mumbles, looking down to inspect his guitar's tuning.

“Ugh, fine. But I expect full details tomorrow!” Jongdae shouts, walking out of the park as soon as he sees his best friend nod.

It's only much later, when he gets home, that Jongdae wonders why his chest hurts like a bitch.

 

* * *

 

 

Mornings aren't Jongdae’s thing, everyone knows that. Everyone knows to get out of his way when he's not smiling in the morning, because that means he's in a bad mood. Of course, more often than not, there is no smile on his face. Today is one of those days.

So why a couple chooses to make out on his locker on a bright, annoying Wednesday morning, he'll never know.

Technically, it isn't his locker, it's Yixing's. He just always keeps his books and shit in Yixing's locker because he forgot the code to his own. But that's a minor detail. The real problem is how he's going to make the couple move without murdering them.

“Some people actually go to school to study instead of making out on strangers' lockers, you know.” he calls out.

The only response he gets is a muffled moan from the guy not pressed against his locker. And it's probably not because he said something, it's probably because the other guy just started to grope the first guy's ass. Jongdae wrinkles his nose. Gross.

(Although he has to admit that the first guy's ass is hella fine.)

Nice asses, however, aren't enough to ease Jongdae's anger on a fine morning such as this, although they help. His anger has simmered down a little this time when he raises his voice. “Come on, you horny bastards. Break it up already.”

Still no response. Well, to him at least. Jongdae rolls his eyes before clearing his throat as loud as possible and shouting, “Get the fuck out of the way!”

That works. The couple jumps apart, clearly surprised. Again, Jongdae rolls his eyes before muttering a few words about ‘horny teenagers' and ‘kids these days'. He opens Yixing's locker to grab his History book, when he turns his head to the side to identify the couple that had been making out so he can put them in his shit list.

...wait a minute.

“Yixing?!” Jongdae practically screams, eyes widening at the sight of his best friend sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. Messy hair, disheveled clothes, swollen lips, lidded eyes - the clear signs that Yixing had, indeed, been making out with a random stranger on his locker.

Yixing shrugs his shoulders in a nonchalant what-can-you-do kind of way. An I-just-got-laid-but-not-really sort of grin is on his face, and Jongdae wants to smack it off. “...morning, Jongdae?” he greets sheepishly.

Yixing making out with someone is not normal. Yixing making out with someone sober is definitely unusual. Yixing making out with someone sober in public is like Wu Yifan realizing that Junmyeon is completely head over heels for him: impossible. So of course, there is only one explanation.

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Jongdae demands, only half-joking. For all he knew, he wasn't talking to Yixing but a horny clone of his.

Yixing laughs. “Jongdae, this is my boyfriend, Oh Sehun.”

It is only then that Jongdae recognizes the tall, noodly junior that is Sehun, and once again his eyes widen. “I know you...” he mumbles, scratching his chin like an old man.

Noodle Boy's eyebrows scrunch up, and Jongdae is pissed that he can look so handsome even when confused. “Sorry, I don't think I know you...” he replies. Yixing looks at Jongdae with curiosity, wondering how exactly his best friend could know his boyfriend.

Suddenly Jongdae snaps his fingers. “You're the guy that slept with Tao, Yifan, and Luhan!”

...well, great first impression Jongdae's made on his best friend's boyfriend.

Yixing forces out laughter, giving Jongdae a why-the-hell-did-you-have-to-bring-it-up kind of glare. “Don't mind Jongdae, Sehun, he's a little disoriented today.” he says giving Noodle Boy a charming smile that pisses Jongdae off for reasons unknown to him. Noodle Boy nods uncertainly, staring at Jongdae like he's grown a third head. Which also pisses him off. It's like everything is pissing him off today, isn't it? Especially matters to do with Yixing and his fuckboy of a boyfriend.

“Alright, hyung, I guess I'll see you later then,” Noodle Boy murmurs, stooping over to give Yixing a kiss on the cheek.

_Wow, how pretentious of him. Just because he's tall doesn't mean that he can just bend down to kiss his hyung like that! What a brat!_

Honestly, Jongdae's thoughts don't really make sense to anyone else but him.

Noodle Boy walks away, flaunting his stupidly round ass to the two older boys (aka just walking away), which again has Jongdae gritting his teeth in anger.

“Alright, Jongdae, tell me why you look like you're about to murder my boyfriend. And why you had to mention the fact that he's been with three of our friends.”

Jongdae clenches his fists. “I thought you'd have more sense than to ask a fuckboy like Noodle Boy to be your boyfriend, Yixing. I'm ashamed to call you my friend!” he cries, shaking a fist in the direction Noodle Boy left for.

“First off, he’s not a fuckboy, and second, Noodle Boy? His name is Sehun, and you're gonna have to learn it because he's going to be spending more time with us.” Yixing says sternly.

“What?! Why?! What if I get infected by his fuckboy germs?!”

Yixing rolls his eyes. “Don't be so dramatic, Jongdae. You didn't see me complaining when you dated Baekhyun that one time.”

“We don't talk about that.”

“Then don't call my boyfriend a fuckboy.” Yixing replies, turning to take a few books from his shared locker with Jongdae. “Because he's really not. He's just a horny drunk. Like someone else I know.” He gives a pointed look to Jongdae, who just raises his hands guiltily.

“Whatever, have you even seen his face? And his ass? How can you grope him and not notice what fuckboy-y assets he has?”

Yixing blushes. “Just...just shut up, Jongdae. Me dating Sehun won't change anything, even if he was a fuckboy, which he isn't. Come on, we'll be late for class.”

Jongdae seriously doubts that, but he nevertheless follows his best friend.

 

* * *

 

 

It hasn't even been a full day and Jongdae wants to punch Yixing for lying about things not changing.

The atmosphere is incredibly awkward, which it usually never is with his group of friends. Well, it couldn't be anything else, really, since Sehun has slept with three (maybe even four) of the people at this table.

Also, Jongdae realizes that the way he's glaring at Sehun could also be one of the reasons things are awkward, but Sehun took his spot next to Yixing. Jongdae would always, always sit there, and Sehun had no right to come around and flaunt his stupid ass to rub it all over things that weren't his.

“So, where's Junmyeon?” Yixing asks, a great conversation starter.

“He's at a student council meeting or something,” Yifan answers, stabbing his fork into the poor excuse of spaghetti on his lunch tray. He doesn't make eye contact with anyone, probably because he's ashamed of the one drunk night he had with Yixing's boyfriend.

“Leave it to Yifan to know where his boyfriend is,” Luhan teases, the first thing he's said since Yixing brought Sehun over to eat with them.

Yifan, the dork he is, blushes a bright red and shakes his head profusely. “We're not...a thing,” he mumbles.

The group just rolls their eyes. Yifan and Junmyeon may as well be with all those stares they keep giving each other when they think the other isn't looking.

“Even when we were together you wouldn't stop talking about Junmyeon-hyung. I have no idea why you guys aren't a thing yet,” Sehun says, and surprisingly, that doesn't make things more awkward. Luhan just perks up, demanding Sehun exactly what Yifan had done that night. Probably for more things to tease him about.

“You weren't any better, hyung,” Sehun laughs. “You were just whining about how you wanted Minseok-hyung to notice you, from what I can remember.”

Minseok laughs from the other side, and Jongdae can see that he already likes Sehun. Which pisses him off. How is Sehun so likeable?

Luhan whines, kicking Sehun underneath the table. “I don't need Minseokkie to know of the dark past I had before he came into my life!” he says, pouting.

“You mean those days where all you'd do was drape yourself around Minseok and whine for him to notice you?” Yixing teases as well, clearly pleased that his boyfriend was getting along with his friends.

Minseok, Sehun, Yixing, and Yifan all laugh at Luhan, who just sits there and leans his head against Minseok's shoulder like a child running to his mother after being teased by his friends. Jongdae remains in his seat, slightly trembling. How can his friends not see what a huge prick Sehun is? It's outrageous!

Jongdae looks to his side, where Tao is seated. The junior has remained silent ever since, and although Jongdae is happy that at least one of his friends hasn't fallen for the wily charms of Sehun the Noodle Boy, he's still a little worried.

“Tao, you okay?” Minseok asks.

Tao nods quickly, looking down at his feet like a shy little boy. Looking closer, Jongdae thinks he can see a tiny blush on Tao's face.

Oh.

Maybe all his friends _have_ fallen for the wily charms of Sehun the Noodle Boy, although Jongdae can not understand why. Sehun is clearly a prick. Jongdae just needs to find something to prove it so Yixing can dump his stupid ass and be with Jongdae forever and ever.

...as a friend, of course. A best friend.

Before Jongdae realizes what he's doing, he's already on his feet, silencing the budding conversation between his friends and Sehun the man stealer.

...the _platonic_ man stealer. Whatever. Bros before hoes.

“Look here, Noodle Boy,” Jongdae starts, mentally cackling at Sehun's apparent distress of being called Noodle Boy, “Why don't you stop seducing my Yixing with your stupid fuckboy ways and go fuck around with those other two fuckers Chanyeol and Jongin? I don't know what you're up to, but I'm not gonna stand around and let my best friend's heart be broken by a noodle like you.”

There is a shocked silence in the air, and Yixing is the first to react.

“What the hell, Jongdae, not cool man. You do not talk to my boyfriend like that.” Yixing says, standing up to glare down at his best friend with the tiny height difference they have.

Sehun gets up too, and Jongdae sees his other friends whispering things like ‘are they having a cat fight' and ‘5 bucks says Sehun wins', and Jongdae is just so offended he makes a mental note to stab Luhan right after he stabs this little bitch Sehun.

But to Jongdae's dismay, Sehun just smirks at him with that stupid cocky face of his and turns to Yixing, pulling his arm like a whiny kid. “It's okay, hyung. I needed an excuse to get away from this jealous bitch anyway. I honestly can't stand people that get mad at me only because I get finer pieces of ass than they do,” he says, before walking away and _(again! Jongdae is going to kill this fucker)_ flaunting his stupid ass.

Yixing looks like he's at a loss for the briefest of moments, but then he shoots Jongdae a tiny glare and runs after Sehun. Jongdae glares in that direction, fists clenching.

“Jongdae,” Luhan calls. “I know I'm your friend, but that was one hell of a third degree burn. You're gonna have to go to the hospital for that one, bro.”

“Shut up, Luhan. I'm not jealous. I just hate that douchebag.”

Yifan laughs from the side, not helping with the boiling rage pent up in Jongdae's body. “Jongdae, you were so jealous, I could practically see steam blowing out your ears.”

“Guys, don't tease Jongdae,” Minseok calls out, a true angel. Luhan immediately shuts up because he's whipped, but Yifan continues to laugh about Jongdae's ‘jealousy'.

When the hell was he being jealous, anyway? He’s just being concerned for Yixing's romantic life. Sehun is Yixing's first real boyfriend, of course Jongdae needs to look out for him!

“Hyung, Sehun is actually really nice, you shouldn't be mean to him like that,” Tao speaks up.

_You wouldn't know,_ Jongdae thinks, _You have a total boner for him after all_. But he doesn't want to sound rude to anyone whose name doesn't start with an S and end with an Ehun, so all he says is, “Whatever.”

He's totally not jealous.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongdae has learned to sense Noodle Boy's presence. Every time his skin prickles uncomfortably and he feels hate pool in the bottom of his stomach, that means Oh Sehun is lurking nearby. More often than not, he's with Yixing, but this time he's alone. Which is good. Jongdae can now cuss him out without being kicked in the shin.

“Hey there, Jongdae-hyung,” Sehun greets casually, like they're friends. Gross. As if Jongdae would ever be friends with this fuckboy.

“Don't you hyung me,” Jongdae hisses.

“Alright then, Jongdae.”

“Don't be such a rude brat!”

Sehun raises his hands the same way Chris Pratt would signal an angry velociraptor to calm down. Jongdae likes that analogy. It makes him seem like a fierce dinosaur that can eat this poor excuse of a Chris Pratt any time he so wishes. “Alright then, what would you have me call you?”

“Nothing. Just don't talk to me,” Jongdae suggests, before turning on his heel to walk away.

Sehun grabs his arm and spins him around. “Oh no, you don't. Yixing-hyung wants us to be friends, and even if you hate me, I like him, so I'll do what he asks.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, taking a bottle of alcohol from his pocket and drizzling it all over where Sehun touched him. Can't have fuckboy noodle germs all over him. Sehun raises an eyebrow. 

“You like him, my ass. I bet all you want to do is take his virginity. You'll end up breaking his heart, and I swear I'm going to run you through with a knife the day that happens.”

Sehun has the gall to look offended. “Okay first of all, hyung isn't a virgin,” Sehun says, giving Jongdae an aneurysm. Holy shit. These two have already slept together?! “And second of all, it's impossible for me to break his heart any more than you have.”

There is resentment in Sehun's voice, and if Jongdae weren't so angry, he probably would have put together the pieces. But alas, Sehun's mere presence is enough to make him see red, so all he does is grab Sehun by the collar.

“What the fuck are you even saying, you - “

“Jongdae? Sehun?”

Alas, a wild Yixing has appeared! Jongdae reluctantly lets go of Sehun and shoves his hands in his pockets, looking very much like a petulant child.

“Hyung!” Sehun calls happily, a stupid grin on his face. Man, what an asshole. “I was just trying to be friends with Jongdae-hyung like you asked.”

Yixing looks pleased, and for a second, Jongdae considers whether he should be nice to Sehun or not if he it can make Yixing smile like that all the time. But then he comes to his senses and decides that he should be as asshole-y as possible so Sehun and Yixing can break up faster.

“I'm gonna go ahead,” Jongdae mutters, trying to sound as upset as possible so Yixing can run after him and ask him what's wrong like a best friend should. Instead, Yixing just nods and drags Sehun away to show him something stupid and probably boyfriend-worthy.

Again, Jongdae's chest hurts like a bitch.

Fuck that Noodle Boy Sehun. Seriously.


	2. Chapter Two

Jongdae hates his life.

The bad thing about sharing a locker with your best friend is that said best friend uses it as well. Normally that would be just fine with Jongdae, but since Yixing has been busy with the Noodle Boy that is apparently his boyfriend, he's been using it for purposes other than keeping his stuff inside.

Mainly, making out with Sehun on the locker doors. Cue the vomiting.

Jongdae also can't help but notice that whenever they do make out, Yixing really, really likes to grope the hell out of his boyfriend's ass. Curse Oh Sehun and his stupid bubble butt. Jongdae doesn't even know why it irritates him so much.

Just another thing to add to the long list of things Jongdae hates about Sehun - he doesn't know why he hates Yixing's boyfriend with a passion.

“You're supposed to be the virgin nun of the group,” Jongdae says, loud enough for the two of them to pry their lips away from each other. However, they don't move from their spot on the lockers, Yixing still being sandwiched between the locker and Sehun's arms. Also his hands are on Sehun's ass. How lovely.

Again, this pisses Jongdae off.

“Sorry?” Yixing says. It seems he is unaffected by his best friend seeing him get all physical with someone else.

“I said, you're supposed to be the conservative one,” Jongdae says, angered by how dazed and floaty Yixing is. “Yet here you are, making out shamefully with your fuckboy of a boyfriend.”

“Doesn't that just mean he likes me enough to forget his conservativeness?” Sehun asks, giving Jongdae a cocky ass smirk that has him losing all his chill. Also, he doesn't even seem to give a damn about being called a fuckboy. Damn. That's one less insult Sehun can get offended by.

“I wasn't talking to you,” Jongdae hisses, attempting to bare his teeth as a show of his dominance here. But he's not a dog and he just ends up looking stupid, so he shuts his mouth and instead just scowls like Sehun is the worst piece of scum. Because he is.

“Did I ask if you were?” Sehun snaps back, not missing a beat.

_This little bitch, wait until Yixing realizes that you're a stupid fuckboy and dumps your stupid ass._

__

Jongdae opens his mouth to throw a thousand curses at the cocky noodle people like to call Sehun, but he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Minseok is standing behind him, looking like he has full confidence that he knows what he's doing. Like always.

“Jongdae, hey,” Minseok calls, “I need to talk to you.”

Normally he'd listen to Minseok, since he's older and he's Jongdae's favorite friend, but now he's just about ready to tear Sehun a new one. No one can interrupt him now. “It can wait,” he says through gritted teeth, stepping forward towards Sehun and Yixing (who are still _fucking_ cuddling!) in what he hopes to be an intimidating manner.

“It can't, now come on.” Minseok says, forcefully dragging Jongdae away from the pair. Jongdae has forgotten just how strong the older boy could be, so when he is literally dragged down the hallway, he almost screams.

“You're ruining my moment! I was just about to go kill that fuckboy! What was important enough to interrupt me, anyway?” Jongdae shouts, when Minseok has stopped pulling him hard enough to make him think his arm was going to be ripped off.

“Nothing, I just said that to get you away from them.”

Jongdae nearly explodes. “What?!”

The older boy only sighs. “Look, Jongdae, since you're so dense, I'll fill you in. When was the last time you saw Yixing smiling like that?”

Jongdae tilts his head. Now that he thinks about it, Yixing has been looking kind of...down lately. Whenever he had asked about it, all his best friend said was that he was just tired. Jongdae never pressed because that was what Yixing would have hated. “A long time, I guess,” he answers honestly. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Sehun is good for him,” Minseok says, and immediately Jongdae opens his mouth to protest, but Minseok is faster. “Before you say he's not, just look at Yixing. Really look at him. He's happier than ever, isn't he? That should be all that matters.”

Damn Kim Minseok and his uncanny ability of making Jongdae speechless.

“But Sehun, he...he's...” is all he can get out. He has no idea what he's trying to say, but Minseok looks like he understands.

“I know, Jongdae. You hate him because you're jealous, right? Yixing is spending all his time with him, so he forgets about you.”

That again. Why does everyone thinks he's jealous? He's clearly not. “I'm not jealous. Yixing's my best friend. Bros before hoes, right? There's no way he'll forget about me.”

Minseok sighs. “Then how come when you saw him just now, he barely said a word to you?”

Now that he thinks about it, it was mostly Sehun that had spoken to Jongdae. Yixing didn't even say hi or anything.

“So, what, he's going to spend all his time with Sehun now? I'm barely gonna see him?” Jongdae asks, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. He and Yixing have been together their entire lives, and now that's going to end all because of some stupid fuckboy?

Minseok shrugs. “Maybe. Yixing looks really happy though, so don't put him in a spot where he has to choose between you and Sehun, because we both know who he'll pick. And that choice might take that smile off his face.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae blurts out. “He'll pick Sehun.” He thinks of the way Yixing seems absolutely enamored with the younger boy and once again, his chest aches. So apparently a guy that Yixing has known for like, less than a year is more important than his best friend. Jongdae clenches his fists, suddenly angry.

Minseok stares at Jongdae in what seems to be disbelief. “Are you...serious right now?” he asks, eyes wide.

“What?”

The older boy shakes his head in exasperation. “Oh my God, you really have no idea. I feel so bad for him right now. Out of all people, it just had to be the most oblivious person on the planet.” he mumbles, more to himself rather than to Jongdae.

Jongdae is confused, and he makes that clear by raising both his eyebrows. Minseok shakes his head.

“It's nothing. Just remember what I said, okay? If you're his best friend, then you'll want what's best for him, and right now, that's Sehun.” Minseok says, before patting his shoulder and walking away. His words leave a bitter taste in Jongdae's mouth.

_If Sehun's best for him, then what about me?_

__

Jongdae looks behind him, hoping to see Yixing still at his locker, but what he sees instead is his best friend's retreating back, holding hands with none other than Oh Sehun. He watches, and sees Yixing turn his head to the side to look at his boyfriend.

The brightest smile Jongdae has ever seen on Yixing's face is present.

...maybe Minseok is right. Sehun clearly makes his boyfriend happy. Jongdae is sure he hasn't seen that smile since they were children. But doesn't that mean that Sehun can make Yixing happier than anyone else? Including Jongdae himself?

He ignores the twinge of pain in his chest that he has now grown accustomed to and walks forward, doing his best not to look back at the happy couple.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
**

“Where's Yixing?” Jongdae asks, staring down at the empty seat where his best friend usually sits. It's Junmyeon that answers him, nose buried in a book that Jongdae doesn't even bother to read the title of.

“He said something about dance practice,” Junmyeon mumbles, ignoring a forlorn Yifan who sits beside him like a puppy, waiting for attention.

“Sehun's with him,” Tao adds, casually sipping at some soda.

Well, Jongdae didn't really ask, but good to know anyway. He can kill Noodle Boy and see his best friend at the same time. Two birds with one stone.

Minseok gives him a warning glance. “Jongdae. What did I tell you?”

“Even if he makes him happy now, they're bound to break up sooner or later. And I'm sorry, but I really can't see how Sehun is good for him.” Jongdae explains, although he doesn't really have to. The exasperated look on Minseok's face tells Jongdae that he understands. He just doesn't agree.

Minseok opens his mouth to speak, but Luhan interrupts. “You're trying to break Sehun and Yixing up?”

The whole table falls silent.

 

“It's for his own good,” Jongdae mumbles, seriously wishing death upon Luhan. He doesn't want to have to explain.

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon says, putting down his book to look up at his friend. “I'm not sure Yixing would want you to interfere in his relationship. He didn't say anything when you had that fling with Baekhyu - “

Jongdae interrupts. He doesn't like hearing his friends talk about Baekhyun. He doesn't like hearing anyone talking about that thing he had with Baekhyun. “I'm his best friend, I have the right, don't I?” he asks.

Everyone shakes their heads simultaneously. “No, you really don't.” Minseok says.

“Well, whatever! I'm still gonna do it. I don't like seeing Yixing with him.” Jongdae says, standing and turning away from his group of friends. He's done with them. They just don't understand how it feels to have your best friend prioritize some fuckboy over you.

“You'll hurt him,” Minseok calls out. “Again. He won't be able to handle it this time.”

Why does everyone keep saying that? Well, it was just Sehun and Minseok, but still. What has he done to Yixing? He looks at his other friends, but they look just as confused as he does.

“What are you talking about? I've never done anything to him.” he says angrily, stepping towards his older friend. How can he say that Jongdae would ever hurt Yixing?

“Exactly,” Minseok says, standing up as well. “You haven't done anything, when the signs are so clear. You keep giving him hope only to let him down! Do you have any idea how that feels, Jongdae?”

What.

“Are we talking about the same person here? Zhang Yixing, right? What the hell are you on about? I'm not Yifan, and he's not Junmyeon.”

Jongdae hears Yifan make a noise of protest behind him, but he pays no attention. He just watches Minseok's face fall. Luhan comes up behind his boyfriend to hug him, and Minseok looks like he needs it. He grabs a handful of Luhan's shirt and pushes his face into it, clearly frustrated.

“I'm surrounded by idiots!” Minseok screams into it.

Everyone looks miffed by that, but no one denies it. They are a bunch of idiots, to be honest. There's Yifan, the blind idiot, Junmyeon, the desperate idiot, Tao the confused idiot, Yixing the spaced out idiot, and Luhan the idiot. Of course, Jongdae's a part of those idiots somewhere there, but he definitely won't admit it, he's plenty smart. Well, in his opinion.

Jongdae wants to ask Minseok what he meant by that, but it doesn't look like he'll say anything other than more confusing stuff. He's being cryptic on purpose, Jongdae realizes, although he doesn't know why. Maybe Yixing knows what he's on about, though. Better to ask the man himself rather than two extremely vague people.

“Alright, while you're exasperated, I'm gonna go see Yixing. I'm done with you people anyway,” Jongdae says, before turning around to make his exit.

Behind him, Minseok sighs.

“I really do feel bad for him...”

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
**

“Jongin!” Jongdae calls out. “Have you seen Yixing?”

The younger boy looks up from his conversation partner, startled. “Oh, Jongdae-hyung. Yeah, Yixing-hyung's probably still in the practice room with Sehun.”

Jongdae waits for Jongin to say something more, but the younger boy seems too focused on the person he's talking to. Jongin's got that whole puppy dog look on his face, the one that he uses around people he really likes.

“Chanyeol's not gonna like it if you cheat on him, Jongin,” Jongdae calls out.

The boy Jongin's talking to looks up, and Jongdae inspects his wide eyes and heart shaped lips. He's pretty cute, actually. He's got that deer in the headlights look to him, and it actually works really well with his height. He kinda looks like a baby, but it's cute. “You’re going out with Chanyeol?” he asks, confused, and Jongin shakes his head.

“No! No, I'm not! I'm single right now,” Jongin says firmly, glaring at Jongdae.

Jongdae only laughs. “Okay, whatever you say,” he says, leaving Jongin to splutter to the cute boy about how he's totally not dating Chanyeol.

He makes his way to the practice room and peeks in through the window. He doesn't see Sehun (praise the Lord), but he sees Yixing dancing to some upbeat, catchy tune. He smiles to himself, watching Yixing dance is always fun. Seeing that smile on his face when he's really into something is Jongdae's favorite thing ever.

Yixing moves smoothly, his movements sharp yet soft at the same time. The dance he's doing involves a lot of body rolls, and Jongdae just has to admire how flexible and graceful his best friend is. Seriously, watching Yixing dance does funny things to his stomach. And what's worse is, that never happens with anyone else, just Yixing. It's probably because he's a really good dancer, so Jongdae doesn't pay too much attention when heat pools at the bottom of his stomach.

He's just about to open the door and announce his presence when the music is stopped by a noodly arm. Damn it, Sehun.

 

“You're all sweaty and gross, hyung. You work too hard.” Sehun says, walking over to Yixing to hand him a half empty Gatorade bottle. Yixing takes it gratefully, downing a large gulp.

“You're supposed to get sweaty when you dance, Sehun. That's a thing.” Yixing says in response.

“But I'm worried about you. Ever since the thing happened you've been pushing yourself too hard.” Sehun says, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Although Jongdae wants nothing more than to rip Noodle Boy's hand off of his best friend, he wants to know what they're talking about. He ducks to avoid being seen and pokes his head out enough for him to see the pair.

Yixing just sighs, placing his hand on top of Sehun's and squeezing it. Jongdae holds in the animalistic urge he suddenly gets to pounce on the younger boy and eat him alive.

“I don't know. It's just...it's easier to forget when I'm dancing.” Yixing says quietly, looking down. The atmosphere’s pretty serious, so Jongdae doesn't know if he should be listening in, but he's curious. What exactly does Yixing want to forget, and why the hell hasn't he told his best friend about it?

Sehun just nods, a sympathetic look on his face. He wraps those skinny arms of his around Yixing’s waist and sighs. “I feel like I should apologize. You know, for making you do it.”

Yixing laughs, although it sounds hollow and a little forced. Jongdae doesn't ever want to hear Yixing sound like that ever again, it's too heartbreaking to listen to. “You didn't make me do anything, I decided to do it myself. Don't apologize.”

Jongdae has no idea what the hell they're talking about. Oh, if only every single conversation had a well written explanation that came with it. It would be so much easier to eavesdrop on people.

“I will, anyway. I'm sorry, hyung. You didn't deserve that.”

Yixing doesn't reply, he just gives Sehun a small smile and leans his head on the taller boy's shoulder. They spend a moment of silence together, one that Jongdae wants to interrupt to either ask them what the fuck they were talking about or force them apart.

“Alright, I'd like to go back to dancing then, if you don't mind,” Yixing says suddenly. He tries to remove Sehun's arms from his waist (much to Jongdae's delight) but the stupid fuckboy doesn't seem to want to let go (much to Jongdae's distaste).

“Hey, what if the two of us danced together?” Sehun asks innocently. The heavy tension in the atmosphere seems to go away with those words, and although that means Jongdae won't get anymore information from them, he's still happy that the sad look in Yixing's eyes has gone away. Even if it was Sehun that did that.

But a duet, huh? A dancing duet or whatever. Jongdae likes seeing people dance, especially if those people include Yixing. Although he hates Sehun, it would probably be interesting to see if he could move as fluidly and gracefully as Yixing could.

“Is sex the only thing on your mind all the time?” Yixing asks, eyebrows raised. Holy shit. Sehun was talking about sex? His hate for Oh Sehun seems to go up tenfold. How horny can a guy even get?

Sehun raises his hands up in defense. “You said it would help you forget, wouldn't it?”

“I didn't mean that kind of dancing, you horny loser,” Yixing says, laughing. “I meant actual dancing.”

“Sex is actual dancing! Just in bed. Or floor, if you're willing to dance with me right now.” Sehun says, lacing his arms around Yixing's neck and leaning in. Jongdae's eyes widen as he sees the distance - rather, the lack of - between the two. They're basically kissing already, Sehun's lips are clearly touching Yixing's. ‘So? What do you say? Need me to help you forget?”

Jongdae suppresses the urge to barf when he sees his best friend shudder.

“We'll be late for class,” Yixing says breathlessly.

“Then we'll make this one quick. You never do seem to last long when we're in public, anyway.” Sehun says teasingly, bringing his lips over to Yixing's ear. “Hyung, could you be...an exhibitionist?”

“You're a bad influence on me,” Yixing mumbles, before pulling Sehun down by his shirt into a fierce kiss. Jongdae covers his ears, but the image of his best friend sucking face with his fuckboy of a boyfriend is burned into his mind forever. Unlike the make out sessions these two have had against his locker, this one seems a lot more...intense.

Of course it does. When they're making out on the lockers, they try to keep quiet (try being the operative word here), but now that they're alone, they're free to be as wild and horny as they wish.

The way Sehun's tongue seems to be literally shoved down Yixing's throat is proof of that. Also the fact that they're grinding pretty damn hard.

_WHY AM I WATCHING THIS,_ Jongdae mentally screams. He makes the decision to bust open the door and scream for them to keep it PG-13, but then Yixing moans. Like really, really loud. And for some reason, that sound has him stopping in his tracks.

And then Sehun just has to pull Yixing's shirt off.

Jongdae is well aware that his best friend is built. Of course he is, he's a dancer. But Yixing has always been the conservative type, so Jongdae has barely seen his best friend half naked before. And when he had, they were just fleeting moments where Yixing would take off his shirt and put on a new one in five seconds flat.

But now that he's seeing Yixing's naked torso in the flesh, well. Jongdae can't really help but admire the way his pants seem to be slung low on his hips, showing just enough skin for him to let his imagination run free. If Yixing's built with all that glorious muscle, he can't really help but wonder what his best friend would look like and feel like in bed.

He peeks a little more, watching as Yixing is pushed to the ground. Jongdae practically forgets about Sehun's existence as he watches his best friend kiss his boyfriend like he's born to do it, lips attacking the younger’s with a hint of desperation that Jongdae doesn't even notice. He's too busy watching the way his best friend seems so experienced.

It's bad enough having to watch Yixing so expertly make out with Sehun when Jongdae previously thought he was a virgin, but then something worse happens: Yixing flips Sehun onto his back and practically rips off his shirt. The sight of his best friend acting so eager and passionate has Jongdae's knees buckling. It also doesn't help when Yixing latches his mouth onto Sehun's chest. Jongdae can't see it, but he's 500% sure that Yixing is sucking his boyfriend's nipple, judging from the moans Sehun is emitting.

“Hyung,” Sehun says breathlessly. His voice kinda kills the growing boner in Jongdae's pants, but one look at Yixing shirtless, sweaty, and clearly turned on brings it back. “I feel like...someone's watching us...”

Shit.

Jongdae takes this time to run to the bathroom to take care of the problem he has down there, but said problem makes it difficult to do so. His running is awkward, and it especially feels painful when his little problem strains against his boxers.

Nice.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
**

_What the fuck was that. What the fuck was that. What the fuck was that. What the FUCK was that?!_

__

It's now quite clear that Jongdae had been possessed by a supernatural entity. A horny supernatural entity that has driven him to see his best friend differently. And by differently, he means sexually.

Seriously, this has never happened in all 11 years of his friendship with Yixing. What does this mean? Jongdae's got a boner for Yixing? True, but...false. Jongdae knows that doesn't make sense, but...no. Just no. There is no possible way he's attracted to his best friend, that's just highly inappropriate. Also, said best friend has a boyfriend, much as Jongdae is loath to admit it.

So what else could it be? Maybe it's the teenage hormones.

...yeah, that's it. It can't be anything else, after all.

Jongdae exits the bathroom stall, his mind still screaming at him, but at least it's quieter this time around. When he finished doing what he needed to do earlier, he had remained in a state of internal screaming for what seemed like forever. There’s still a lot of screaming going on in his mind, but now it’s shouting rather than screaming, which he is quite glad for.

To his surprise, he sees a wide eyed Tao standing outside the stall door, mouth hanging open.

_Shit._

__

“Were you just jerki - “

“Did you hear m - “

They speak at the same time and are startled by each other's sudden questions. Jongdae is absolutely mortified. He doesn't have to hear Tao's answer to his question to know that he had, indeed, heard him while he was in the cubicle.

“Jongdae-hyung...” Tao mumbles. “You're really, really loud.”

“Shut up!”

"So loud, in fact, I'm pretty sure I heard you say a certain name. A name of a mutual friend that I won't be mentioning because you look like you're going to hit me if I do.”

Tao looks at him suspiciously, taking in his probably flustered face. “I thought you were supposed to break them up. How did that turn into...this?” he continues, not giving Jongdae enough time to deny.

Jongdae scowls, his face a bright red. “They were...they were doing a thing.” he mutters.

Obviously, Tao doesn't hear him. “What?”

“They were doing a thing,” Jongdae repeats, but not loud enough for his younger friend to hear him.

“Sorry?”

“For fuck's sake, they were having sex! And like, I haven't gotten laid since like, forever, so I got all horny from watching them, okay? Stupid teenage hormones and stuff,” Jongdae says, waving his arms to illustrate his frustration and doneness.

“You were watching them in the shower?” Tao asks, stepping away from Jongdae like he's creeped out. Which he probably is.

“Who said anything about a shower, I'm not creepy!” Jongdae shouts, whacking Tao in the arm lightly. “They were in the practice room, of course they'd be seen by someone. That someone just happened to be me.”

Tao spaces out for a while, long enough for Jongdae to step forward exasperatedly and clap as loud as possible near his friend's ear.

“Earth to Tao? You were interrogating me, remember?”

“Oh, uh yeah...” the younger boy mumbles. Jongdae can see a hint of pink on his friend's face. Well, looks like he isn't the only one with a reaction to Sehun and Yixing having sex in a place where they could be easily seen. “That doesn't explain why you said Yixing-hyung’s name in there, though.” Tao says.

Huh. Tao is right, but no way is Jongdae going to admit that.

“I didn't even say Yixing, Tao. He's my best friend, that's gross.” he lies, trying to keep his face straight and slightly disgusted.

“So is jerking off in the school's bathroom to the sight of said best friend and his boyfriend having sex,” Tao points out.

“Same could be said for you,” Jongdae retorts, ignoring the way Tao splutters out denial. “Come on, Tao, we all know you're into Sehun. We've all known since you told us about him the first time.”

Tao frowns. “Yixing-hyung didn't,” he says, looking down. “If he did, then he wouldn't have asked Sehun out in the first place.”

That's a good point. It's a very un-Yixing-like thing to do. Well, since Sehun has come into Yixing's life, the Chinese boy has been doing a lot of un-Yixing-like things. Like making out in public, for example, as well as having sex in a room anyone could easily walk into. But it's probably asking out a friend's crush that tops the list.

Jongdae takes in Tao's downcast eyes and feels sorry for the younger boy. It must be hard for him to watch Yixing and Sehun all the time. Jongdae can relate, although the emotions they feel when they watch the pair are quite different.

“Hey, you should help me break them up.” Jongdae says. “I really have no ideas.”

Tao remains silent for a while. “That's a very rude thing to do to my friend. They seem so happy together. Can't you just accept it, hyung?”

Jongdae thinks back to what Minseok had previously told him. “No,” he says firmly. “Sehun isn't good for my Yixing.”

“My.”

“What?”

Tao sighs. “You said it again. ‘My Yixing’. Why do you do that? Yixing-hyung isn't yours.”

Huh, now that Tao's pointed it out, Jongdae supposes he has been saying that a few times now. Weird. “I don't know,” he admits honestly. “It just feels right.”

Tao scrunches up his nose in what seems to be disdain, much like Minseok's expression from earlier. “Well, I hope for his sake then, you find out. See you later, hyung.” the younger boy says, before slipping out of the bathroom.

...what.

* * *

**  
  
**

Wow, everyone seems to be pissing him off these days. Of course, there's Sehun, and then Minseok (who still won't tell him what the fuck he means!), and now Tao, who's acting like their talk in the bathroom never happened.

Although to be honest, Jongdae is glad for that. He hasn't forgotten that Tao had caught him jerking off to Yixing, after all. Good thing he managed to distract the younger boy then that time.

And now, Yixing's pissing him off because it's like he's forgotten that he has a best friend named Kim Jongdae that eagerly waits for his reply after every text said best friend sends, only to realize that he will not be getting a reply.

Looks like Minseok was right, Yixing would choose Sehun over him. Jongdae tries not to dwell on that, however, as he dials his best friend's number in hopes that the two of them could go out and do something, just like in the old, Noodle Boy-free days.

As soon as the phone is answered, Jongdae perks up.

 

_“Hello?”_

__

“Come over, I'm bored,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. “It's binge watching time.”

_“Oh...sorry, but I'm supposed to watch Antman with Sehun.”_

__

“What?!” Jongdae exclaims. “But you've already seen it! I thought you didn't like watching movies in theaters more than once!”

_“Well, I haven't seen the second after credits yet, so I'm okay with it today.”_

__

“You're going to sit through the entire movie to watch a scene that doesn't last longer than a minute?” Jongdae asks disbelievingly.

_“Hey, it's a Marvel movie. And Sehun's with me, anyway. I won't be bored.”_

__

_Meaning you're going to use this chance to make out with him,_ Jongdae thinks bitterly. “But I wanted to watch Daredevil with someone!” he protests instead.

He can practically hear Yixing's eye roll. _“Jongdae, there are like, a ton of other people you could ask. There's Minseok, Luhan, Yifan, Junmyeon, Tao, Chanyeol, Jongin, you can even ask Baekhyu - “_

Jongdae interrupts him before he can finish. “But none of them are you!” he whines.

Yixing is suddenly quiet. Shit, did he say something wrong?

“No homo, though.” he blurts out quickly.

_“...ah, okay then?”_

__

“Come on, Yixing. We've barely seen hung out since you got your _boyfriend_ ,” he says, spitting out the word like it's poison. “Just cancel on him this once, I miss you.”

There. A little begging is slightly embarrassing, but if it'll get Yixing away from Noodle Boy, then Jongdae's willing to do it.

He can hear Yixing's inner turmoil and prays for a good outcome.

_“I'm really sorry, Jongdae. I'll come over some other time, okay? Maybe after the movie, we live next to each other anyway.”_

__

Not exactly the result he was hoping for, but Jongdae supposes it'll have to do.

Jongdae sighs, dejected. He mumbles a half-hearted goodbye and hangs up, pouting even though he knows Yixing can't see him. And even if he could, he wouldn't change his mind.

“So your boyfriend's more important than me, huh?” he mumbles, glaring at his phone and tossing it away from him like it's Yixing himself. “I see how it is. Whatever happened to bros before hoes?”

Scowling, he picks up his phone again. “Fine, have it your way. I'll find someone else to replace you the same way you replaced me with that hoe.”

He dials Luhan first, but only hears a dial tone. He makes a mental note to punch Luhan for ignoring him in his time of need.

Next is Minseok. To his delight, the older boy answers, and Jongdae doesn't miss a beat before asking.

“Minseok, come over to my place and watch Daredevil with me,” he demands, not even bothering with greetings. When one resorts to childish ways of showing their spite for people, one need not be polite.

_“...h-huh? O-oh, Jongdae. Hi.”_

__

Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “You sound a little weird, are you okay?”

_“I'm fine. Wh-what did you want again?”_

__

He thinks he can hear shuffling in the background. “You’re clearly out of it, are you sure you're okay?” he asks, motherly instincts kicking in. “Minseok?”

Minseok doesn't reply for a while, and Jongdae is forced to sit in silence, anxiously awaiting his friend's response. Instead, what he hears is something that sounds suspiciously like Luhan.

Luhan moaning, to be exact.

“OH GOD!” he screams. “ARE YOU GUYS - ‘

_“I told you to be quiet, Luhan!”_

__

_“B-but y-you're riding me! I can't keep quiet because you're too sexy - “_

__

_“I swear, next time I'm going to gag you!”_

__

_“A-ah, Minseok! Fu - “_

Jongdae hangs up before he can hear anymore. That never happened. Minseok is definitely not a power bottom. Luhan definitely does not top. Honestly, Jongdae thought it was the other way around. Luhan just doesn't seem like the type to top someone as manly and old as Minseok.

Anyway.

He calls Yifan next, placing his face in his hands. He will never, ever call Minseok ever again. Ever. His mind doesn't need to be scarred further than it already is.

_“Hello?”_

__

“Yifan, please tell me you're not banging Junmyeon right now,” he says. He envisions Yifan's face exploding in red.

_“Wh-what?! No! Of course not! Junmyeon and I are totally platonic! Right, Junmyeon?”_

__

_“...we are?”_

__

Jongdae laughs at how disappointed Junmyeon sounds, although if he were in the older boy's place, he'd be just as disappointed. You'd think that Junmyeon constantly asking Yifan out would be enough for the Chinese boy to realize how Junmyeon felt, but no. Yifan is an oblivious idiot.

_“Why do you sound so disappointed? As if we could be anything else!”_

__

_“...Yifan. We're on a date right now.”_

__

_“We are?”_

__

Jongdae chuckles again. The whole Junmyeon-Yifan drama thing is pretty entertaining when it's not painful watching Junmyeon attempt to flirt with Yifan. “Alright, since you guys are busy, I'll just go now. Tell me all about your date, okay Junmyeon?” he says, grinning.

He ignores Yifan's protests and hangs up, smiling. But then he realizes that he's running out of close friends to ask, and he doesn't feel like asking Baekhyun. The guy might get the wrong idea again.

He thinks about calling up Tao, but then he remembers it's a Friday. Tao has wushu practice on Fridays. Not that he'd want to see the younger boy anyway, after all that weird shit he said before in the bathroom. Jongdae is pretty curious, but whatever. He'll just ask him about it some other time.

...well, that leaves Chanyeol and Jongin. But they're Sehun's friends, and Jongdae really doesn't feel like pretending he doesn't totally hate the Noodle Boy.

...so that leaves him friendless. Gee, thanks, Yixing. What a great best friend.

Sighing, Jongdae looks down at his never ending pile of homework. Might as well get started while waiting for Yixing to come over.

* * *

**  
  
**

A few attempts at trying to figure out whether or not he should do his homework or play video games all by his lonesome self (obviously choosing the latter) later, Jongdae sighs to himself. Man, things would be so much more fun with another person around. Specifically Yixing, but alas, the life of a boyfriend is hard and time consuming.

Jongdae quietly laughs to himself. The life of a boyfriend is hard, in more ways than one. He thinks about what he had seen in the practice room (although not too much, a repeat of the bathroom incident isn't what he needs right now). Yep, definitely hard.

“Ugh, I'm bored!” he shouts to no one in particular. Who knew how boring life could get without Yixing around him? “Damn it Antman, finish faster!”

Jongdae isn't expecting a response, but he gets one. In the form of a choked noise from next door, right where Yixing's room should be.

Shit. Is his best friend getting murdered? Well, serves him right for picking Sehun over him.

But then, oh God, he hears a low groan, and yep. Yixing’s definitely not getting murdered. From what Jongdae can deduce, Yixing is getting blown. Nice.

Wait a minute, if Yixing is in his room, that means Antman’s finished. When Antman was finished, Yixing was supposed to come over to Jongdae's house, right? But Yixing isn't here. So that means...

“That bitch, he forgot!” Jongdae yells to himself, hoping his voice is loud enough for Yixing to hear. However, he hears no response except a couple of muffled moans that fuel the anger burning in his chest.

Wow, okay. His best friend is totally an asshole. Jongdae sends Yixing an angry text and throws his phone to the bed before flopping down on it in anger.

He tries not to listen to the way Yixing moans his boyfriend's name, voice strained and high pitched. He tries not to think of how Yixing would sound so much better moaning the name Jongdae rather than the name Sehun. He tries not to think of how Yixing would probably look right now, hands tangled in Sehun's hair, eyes half-lidded, head thrown back in bliss...

Yeah, no. Definitely not thinking about it. About him. No way.

But then the ache in his chest returns, and this time, it's more painful than ever. Jongdae feels a little like crying, although he has no idea why.

 **  
**“Zhang Yixing,” he mumbles to himself, shoving his face in his pillow. “You're such an asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha what do you mean i only used this chapter to expound on side ships??? hahahhahahaha noooo
> 
> also i'm really really awful at writing chaptered stories omf. if you can tell this is really shitty but i got lazy to make it too nice and that would have taken forever so. here u go take this piece of shit
> 
> also to the people who comment i love you and you make my day holy shit. i don't reply bc i'm 500% sure that i'll be awkward af and also not put into words the joy i felt when someONE FUCKING COMMENTED ON MY SHIT OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT FEELS
> 
> yeah i'm trash just leave me by the sidewalk to rot thank you


	3. Chapter Three

If Jongdae continues to be this angry for a few more months, then he's 500% sure he's going to die from a heart attack or an aneurysm.

He glares down at the single word on the screen of his phone like it's a disgusting piece of shit (such as Sehun, for example). Honestly, in all 17 years of his life, Jongdae had never imagined that a single word could make him angry enough to crush a soda can (rather than crushing one, though, he tried to, and failed horribly. His hand still hurts and he swears he'll never do it again, no matter how angry he is.)

_To: Zhang Yixing_

_Yesterday, 7:34 pm_

_next time you want to ditch someone, make sure you don't live next to them and moan loud enough for them to hear you :) :) :) :) :)_

__

_From: Zhang Yixing_

_1:46 pm_

_sorry_

Aside from the fact that it's literally just one stupid fucking word that doesn't seem to have any emotion behind it, it had also taken Yixing like, an entire fucking day to think of one damn word. It doesn't even sound like he cares, honestly, and Jongdae is so damn furious he could rip out someone's throat. He wants to send another passive aggressive text to his best friend, but he's not sure he wants to feel boiling rage if all he gets in reply is another single word again.

“Fuck you,” he says to his phone loudly. He's not sure if Yixing is home, but if he is, then Jongdae makes sure his voice is loud enough to reach the Chinese boy next door. “A pathetic ass sorry isn't gonna change the fact that you ditched me for a stupid blowjob.”

There's no response from next door, and Jongdae gets even more pissed. He's not entirely sure what he's expecting from Yixing, but it would probably be nice if he comes in through Jongdae's window with Chinese food so he can apologize profusely.

“Fine, be that way.” he says to no one in particular. He throws his phone onto the bed for maybe the third time and flops his butt onto it as well, lip jutting out and arms crossed.

Zhang Yixing is probably his best friend because he's one of the most angelic people Jongdae has ever had the pleasure of meeting. For him to be suddenly forgetting about his best friend, that's very uncharacteristic of Yixing. To be honest, before Sehun came along, Jongdae had always thought that the way Yixing followed him around was a lot similar to the way a puppy would follow around its owner, and he relished in that, no matter how egotistical it sounds. He loves the way Yixing looks at him sometimes, like he's in awe of his best friend even though there's nothing really to be amazed of. So now that Yixing isn't with him that much anymore, Jongdae can't help but be extremely upset.

“I wonder if you look at Sehun the same way you look at me,” he mumbles to himself, flopping his back onto his pillows. He shakes his head at the thought, hating the mere image of Yixing looking at Sehun - or anyone else, for that matter - with those awestruck and starry eyes. “No, I hope you don't. You shouldn't look at anyone else like that.”

“Don't ask me why,” he says after a moment. “I don't like the idea of you liking anyone else as much as you like me. Maybe that's why I hate Sehun?”

After a moment, Jongdae realizes something. “Huh, I guess Minseok was right when he said I was jealous. I just like you that much, as a friend of course. But I'm still not going to admit it to anyone, it's just embarrassing. I don't even know why I'm so jealous. What am I, five?”

Jongdae doesn't know why, but it feels like Yixing is listening to him. He likes it, it's been a while since it's actually happened in real life, so he imagines that his best friend is sitting in front of him quietly.

“I miss you.” he says softly. “Although I don't know why. Why do I even bother with someone that prioritizes sex over friendship?”

Anger blooms in Jongdae's chest at the memory of last night. Seriously, he had been looking so forward to it, and Yixing didn't even text him to say he was cancelling or anything like that. The popcorn he had popped had taken twice as long to be eaten. It had really been such a waste of excitement. Not that he was excited or anything, it was just Yixing coming over after all. No big deal.

“You piss me off so much, Yixing.” he says through gritted teeth. “Both you and Sehun.”

Suddenly Jongdae gets an idea. It's a very childish and stupid idea, but he's pretty sure it's going to work. Yixing always trails after him like a puppy after all, so maybe if he ignored that puppy a little, it would come crawling back to him.

_Alright, tomorrow I'm going to ignore the hell out of Yixing so he can see how much he needs me more than he needs that stupid bitch Sehun._

__

* * *

 

He doesn't go to Yixing's house to hitch a ride that morning. Instead, he calls up Junmyeon and asks if he can ride with him and Yifan. He isn't exactly excited to have a firsthand experience of their sexual tension, but he does what he needs to.

Junmyeon does drive by his house earlier than usual, a curious look on his face. “Don't you usually go with Yixing?” he asks when Jongdae climbs into the back seat. “Wait, why are you sitting there?” he asks, although he doesn't tell Jongdae to sit up front when he starts to drive.

“I don't want to get in the way of you and Yifan,” Jongdae explains. He rolls his eyes when he sees Junmyeon blush. Really, these two are so obvious.

“I'm not even sure if there's a me and Yifan thing going on,” Junmyeon says. “He keeps saying he's straight.”

Jongdae laughs out loud. Wu Yifan, straight? No way. “That's ridiculous. He sure wasn't straight when I caught Sehun giving him a blowjob that one time.” he says, chortling. Junmyeon frowns and Jongdae immediately winces - he's forgotten that Junmyeon doesn't really like it when anyone mentions that Yifan's had kind of sex with a guy. “Sorry,’ he says afterwards, mentally slapping himself.

Junmyeon shakes his head. “No, it's fine, they were drunk anyway so it doesn't really matter.” It's pretty obvious that he's lying, but Jongdae doesn't point that out. Instead, he just gives his friend a comforting pat on the back. It's pretty sad to see Junmyeon pining so hard after Yifan sometimes, especially when he's very obvious about his interest in Yifan only to be unknowingly rejected. Yifan is one hell of a dense idiot that doesn't understand what he does to Junmyeon every time he mentions being heterosexual.

“He'll realize it one day,” Jongdae says gently. “He can't be that much of an idiot.”

Junmyeon just laughs. “This is Yifan we're talking about here,” he says, chuckling. “Of course he can.”

Jongdae laughs along with him, but inside, he feels terrible. Really, does Yifan have to be an idiot?

“Wait a minute, I was asking you why you're not with Yixing,” Junmyeon remembers, eyebrows furrowing in worry. “Did you guys get into a fight?”

Jongdae clicks his tongue. He had been hoping that talking about Yifan would help Junmyeon forget about his first question. He doesn't really want to tell any of his friends, they probably would just call him immature or something. Okay, maybe he is, but he doesn't want to hear that from anyone else.

“I'm ignoring him.” Jongdae says simply, leaning back in his seat.

“Why? What did you do?”

“He - wait, what? It was his fault, not mine!” Jongdae protests.

“But Yixing's an angel,” Junmyeon says. “What could he have possibly done?”

Jongdae frowns at the memory of being forgotten, as well as the memory of the single word text that Yixing had sent him. Asshole. “I asked him to go to my house after he had a date with his stupid boyfriend. He didn't.”

“That's it?” Junmyeon asks, raising his eyebrows.

“What do you mean that's it? I mean, I heard him and Sehun having sex next door! He didn't even tell me he couldn't make it, I had to find out myself!” Jongdae crosses his arms, his chest clenching painfully. “And when I sent him an angry text, it took him like a day to reply! And it was one stupid word!”

“But that's just how things are. Sehun is Yixing's first real boyfriend, after all.” Junmyeon says. “Of course he'd forget about everyone else while he's in the honeymoon phase.”

Shit, Junmyeon's right. That doesn't mean Jongdae isn't upset about it, though. He just crosses his arms and looks out the window. “But we're best friends, aren't we? Isn't it usually the other way around? Like, shouldn't Sehun break up with him because he pays too much attention to me or something?”

“Is that what you wanted to happen?” Junmyeon asks. “That sounds like something straight out of a stupidly cliché movie.”

Jongdae just pouts. He hates talking to his friends about this, most of the time they're right and he’ll just look like an irrational idiot in front of them. And he totally isn't. “Whatever. I don't even really care,” he lies.

“Which explains why you're in this car with me instead of with him,” Junmyeon laughs. Jongdae would punch him in his basic bitch face, but he's driving.

“All my friends are such assholes,” he says instead.

“Come on, Jongdae, you're acting like his mom. Let the man be, why don't you. He needs a little love in his life sometimes, you know?”

Love.

Does that mean Yixing is in love with Sehun? Jongdae never really got to ask since Yixing's been so busy, but the song that he had supposedly made for Sehun had really made it sound like he was back then.

If that's true, then when the hell did this happen? Why hadn't Yixing told his best friend a single thing? And why does Jongdae's chest hurt so fucking much at the thought of Sehun being Yixing's first love?

“Do you think...do you think Yixing's in love with him?” Jongdae asks quietly, praying for a negative response from his friend.

Junmyeon doesn't notice the shift in Jongdae's voice, or maybe he doesn't mention it. Either way, he's blunt and merciless when he says his next words. “I don't know, but probably. I mean, have you seen the way Yixing acts around him? He's whipped, man. I've never seen him act like that around anyone before, it must mean that Sehun's just really special.”

Jongdae visibly sinks down in his seat at Junmyeon's words, tears prickling his eyes. He doesn't know why he suddenly loses all his energy. All he does is clutch his chest and attempt to suck in the tears threatening to spill out.

“Jongdae? Are you okay?” Junmyeon’s voice sounds so far away when all Jongdae can think of is how much it hurts to think of the way Yixing is so enamored with his boyfriend. Nevertheless, he shakes his head.

“I'm fine,” he says in a choked voice. The lie is thick and heavy on his tongue. “Just fine.”

* * *

Jongdae really isn't in the mood for looking at Sehun's stupid face. Although, to be honest, he never is. All he wants to do is grab Yixing and hold him to his chest forever and ever so he won't ever have to be near his stupid boyfriend.

But here he is, Sehun's stupid face right in front of him. Again, the little shit is sitting beside Yixing, the spot that Jongdae always sits in. Damn him.

Rather than exploding with rage like he usually does, however, Jongdae just sits down beside a surprised Tao and quietly eats his food like nothing's wrong.

“Jongdae, are you okay?” Yixing asks, a worried look on his face. “You didn’t ride with me this morning.” Jongdae smiles to himself in triumph. If all it takes for Yixing to pay attention to him is to ignore him, then Jongdae will be doing this a lot more often.

Instead of giving a proper response, Jongdae just nods, not meeting Yixing's eyes. He focuses on his food and resists the urge to look up to see Yixing's reaction to being ignored.

“No, seriously, Jongdae, what's wrong?”

Jongdae chooses the wrong moment to look up, because he sees Sehun latched onto Yixing like a parasite. He's always angry when something like this happens, yes, but remembering what Junmyeon had said this morning makes things worse. He resists the urge to flip over the entire table (not that he can, anyway) and instead looks back to his food.

“I”m _fine_.” he says resentfully. “You don't need to worry about me, asshole.”

When those words come out of his mouth, he immediately regrets it. He doesn't need to see Yixing to know that he has the face of a wounded puppy right now. He doesn't need to see his friends to know that they're shocked speechless, either. Jongdae and Yixing are usually so clingy and attached to each other, so of course it would be weird if one of them calls the other an asshole for no apparent reason.

“He was asking nicely, hyung.” Sehun says angrily, his voice making Jongdae quiver in rage. “You don't have to be such a bitch about it.”

“Oh, _I'm_ the bitch?” Jongdae says, laughing sarcastically. He stands up and glares at Sehun, whose arms are wrapped around a clearly hurt Yixing. Red fills his vision and he clenches his fists, ready to finally punch that stupid look off Sehun's stupid face.

“J-Jongdae,” Yixing interrupts meekly, like he's scared of angering his best friend anymore. Which he is, really. The glare on Jongdae's face is probably unrecognizable. “Please don't.”

The look on Yixing's face softens Jongdae's heart for the briefest of seconds, but realizing that Yixing is technically on Sehun's side in this situation has him seeing red again. He’s never felt so angry yet sad in his entire life and it's confusing him. Jongdae just shakes his head and turns away from his friends, seething.

“Jongdae! Wait!” he hears Yixing call, and for a second, he thinks that his best friend isn't on Sehun’s side after all and that makes him want to explode with happiness. But of course, the stupid fuckboy just has to ruin things.

“Don't go after him, hyung,” Sehun says. “You'll only get hurt.”

Jongdae prays those words won't stop his best friend from coming after him, but prayer proves to be futile. He doesn't hear footsteps following after him.

The pain in his chest just seems to hurt more.

* * *

 

 

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:34_

_jongdae i'm sorry_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:35_

_please don't be mad at me_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:42_

_okay maybe it's too late to say that_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:42_

_was this because of saturday????_

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:56_

_it was wasn't it_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_2:58_

_look i'm sorry but sehun was fooling around at the movies so when we got home i was really distracted and i forgot i'm sorry_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:01_

_i didn't think you'd be that mad i'm so sorry i thought you wouldn't mind_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:05_

_should i come over? i'll bring you food and we can watch a movie or something if you want_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:06_

_please answer i'm so so sorry_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:10_

_come on please?_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:15_

_alright i'll take the lack of response as a yes. what do you want me to bring?_

__

_To: Don't Answer_

_3:15_

_no._

__**  
  
**

Minseok sighs over the phone. “And you hung up on him when he tried to call you?”

“...yes. I feel horrible for it but I really don't want to see him right now.”

“Kim Jongdae, you might just be the biggest idiot I've ever met.” Minseok says exasperatedly. “And that's a big thing to say considering the fact that I’ve met Yifan, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, amd Luhan.’

Jongdae doesn't even have the heart to feel offended anymore. “What should I do, Minseok? Every time I see him with Sehun I'm so damn angry and sad and it's making my brain hurt and I start doing the stupidest things and Yixing seems so hurt and it's hurting me and fuck this feels horrible!” He's on the verge of tears when he says this in one breath.

“Idiot.” Minseok says, clearly unimpressed.

“I'm having a mental breakdown and all you can do is insult me?”

“Well, I don't know what else to do!” Minseok sighs. He seems to be doing a lot of that lately. “It's true, anyway. Your problem's so damn obvious but you just refuse to see it, and if someone else points it out for you, you won't believe them.”

Jongdae nearly rips his phone into two. “Damn it, just tell me! It's bad enough that Yixing's probably trying to call me right now, I don't need you being all vague and shit! Come on, Minseok!” he shouts. He just needs someone to tell him why the hell he's acting so weird.

“I don't know, I think it'd be more entertaining to see how long it would take for you to realize,” Minseok says thoughtfully. If he were right in front of Jongdae, he'd probably have a nasty bruise on his cheek right now. Since when has Minseok been so infuriating? He's always been the least annoying out of all of Jongdae's friends, when the hell did that change?

“Minseok. Please. I'm going crazy!”

He can hear the eye roll over the phone. “I’m pretty sure you're just exaggerating. And anyway, it's not my place to tell you. It's something you have to find out yourself.”

“Ugh, you're so useless!” Jongdae cries out in frustration. “Seriously, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me nowadays! Like, I can barely look Yixing straight in the eye because he gives me all these weird feelings in my chest that are like mini heart attacks or something, but if he's with Sehun I just want to punch both of them in their stupid faces and cry!”

“Have the weird feelings in your chest been happening for a while?” Minseok asks, his voice suddenly turning serious.

“What? I don't know, why does that matter?” Jongdae asks, thrown off by the sudden question. And just when he was getting to the good part.

“It just does.”

Well, if Minseok says it matters, then it probably does. “Uh, I don't know. I can't remember. It's been a while, I think.”

“A long time?”

“I...I think so?”

There is a silence on the other end of the phone. “Minseok?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, how have you not realized? Are you really that dense? You're worse than Yifan!” Minseok shouts. Jongdae can almost hear him tearing out his hair in frustration.

“What?”

“Listen well, Jongdae. If I don't tell you now, you might never realize it which is the only reason I'm telling you.” Minseok says dramatically. Jongdae suppresses the urge to roll his eyes and just nods, although his friend can't even see him.

“Just tell me already!”

“Alright, here we go.” Minseok takes a deep breath. “You, Kim Jongdae, are in love with Zhang Yixing.”

...what.

“What.”

“I honestly have no idea how in the hell you haven't realized earlier. Don't you read romance books or something? Like, the signs are all there. Your heart feels all funny, you get jealous, stuff like that. It should be pretty easy to figure it out, so I don't know why you haven't.”

“... _what_.”

“Man, there's so much drama going on with us. You're in a stupid clichéd love with your best friend, Tao is pining for his friend's boyfriend, and Yifan and Junmyeon are doing this weird dance thing. The only normal ones are probably Luhan and I, which I thank God for.”

“Minseok!” Jongdae shouts. “What...what do you mean I'm in love with Yixing? There's no way that's true.”

“This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you, you'd just deny it.”

“Of course I'd deny it, it's false!” he says, thoroughly unnerved by the idea of him liking Yixing in any other way except as a best friend. “There is no way I'm...in love with him, that's just... _weird_.”

He hears Minseok take a few deep breaths. “Jongdae. You asked me to tell you, and I did. It's not false. You're in love with him. It's so obvious. Deny it again and I will punch you in the face.”

“But - “

“No! No buts. I'm sick of seeing you all lovestruck but always denying that you are. Just open your eyes for once, damn it. It would do everyone some damn good.”

“Minseok, _no_. I don't - I _can't_ like him, that's ridiculous! He's my best friend!”

Again, Minseok rolls his eyes. Not that Jongdae can see it, but he just knows it's happening. “Luhan and I are best friends. You didn’t see that stopping us from dating. Chanyeol and Jongin are best friends, and look at them. It happens, Jongdae.”

“Yeah, but not to me! He's like my brother!”

“Your brother that you fap to when you see him having sex with his boyfriend?”

“Wh - Tao! That little shit!” Jongdae swears he is going to punch that fucker in the gut. Oh God, his face is burning right now. He doesn't need anyone else to know, damn it!

“Face it, Jongdae. Even if you're not in love with him, which I highly doubt, you're at least attracted to him in one way or another.”Minseok says. He sounds tired, which anyone would be if they were in his position, surrounded by idiots that have no clue what they're doing.

For some reason, Jongdae hangs up the phone. He doesn't want to hear anymore of this. He tosses it to his bed for what seems like the thousandth time and places his head in his hands, tugging at his hair.

He remains like that for a few minutes, mind in a state of disarray and bewilderment. He has no idea what the fuck is happening and why Minseok thinks that way. There is no way that Jongdae could ever, ever like Yixing like that.

Because if he is in love with Yixing like Minseok claims, then he wouldn't have rejected Yixing when he sang his song, right? And if he hadn't rejected him, would that mean that he'd be Yixing's boyfriend rather than Sehun?

_No, no, he said it wasn't for me. If I had accepted him, things probably wouldn't be the same between us anymore,_ he tells himself. However, he can't help the image that comes to his mind.

He sees himself with Yixing, holding his hand and cuddling up to him for everyone to see. He's in Sehun's place in his imagination, and he's the one making Yixing's face light up with happiness that no one's ever seen before. He's the one that kisses Yixing against the lockers shamelessly, the one that defends him when he's insulted, the one that presses their foreheads together so they can take in each other's presence and be amazed by how utterly perfect the other can be.

And he can't deny that the image makes the pain in his chest to go away, only to be replaced by a fluttering feeling in his stomach that makes him want to implode.

_Shit, what is this?_

He takes his head out of his hands and grabs his phone. There's one message from Minseok.

_From: Kim Minseok_

_3:31_

_Deny it all you want, Jongdae, but somewhere deep down, you know it's true._

He tries to ignore the message as he opens up Google and types in ‘how to know you're in love with someone' in the search bar. Google answers the questions that no one else can, after all. The Internet is amazing. He clicks the first link when it's finished loading, not bothering to read the others.

It's an article that's titled ‘10 Definitive Ways To Tell You're in Love With The Right Someone'. Just the title intimidates him, really, but he needs to find out so he can shove it in Minseok's stupid face that he is most positively not in love with Zhang Yixing.

He skips past the intro and straight onto the bolded numbers, too desperate to find anything he can use against the big bad bully that is Minseok.

_1\. The best part of your day_

__

_As Childish Gambino said, “When I’m alone, I’d rather be with you.” Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day. If you really love someone, you never truly get tired of him or her._

__

_No matter how great your day might be going, your special person will make it better. When you just like someone, he or she might make your day better, but probably isn’t the best part._

__**  
  
**

Jongdae winces, this sounds kind of familiar to him. Seeing Yixing always does have the best effect on him, unless Sehun is around. But that doesn't mean anything, right? It could just mean that Jongdae loves his best friend in the most platonic of ways. No homo.

_2\. The first person you think about_

_Your love will be the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep. When something good happens to you, this is the first person you want to tell._

__

_When something bad happens to you, you look to this person for support._

Shit. That's two out of ten. He had been hoping that he'd only get one out of ten at the most so he could really prove to Minseok that he was wrong.

Isn't it normal for someone to totally want to tell their best friend the things that happen to them, though? And to rely on them for support? Maybe the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before sleeping bit isn't something that all best friends go through, but that could just mean Jongdae likes Yixing more than other people like their best friends.

Again, in the most platonic of ways.

_3\. Prioritize above your own needs_

__

_Love is selfless. I was the most important person in my world until I met my girlfriend. Once I fell in love with her, her needs became much more important than my own._

__

_This is just how love is. Your needs always seem trivial in comparison to your significant other’s needs._

Figurative sweat begins to drip down Jongdae's forehead. Being like that is just how Jongdae's like! He worries for and cares for everyone to the point that he's called mom, especially by Yixing.

It's not like he treats Yixing any differently from his other friends when it comes to his wellbeing!

On second thought, he's pretty sure that he's extra fussy and naggy in Yixing's case, but only because he's constantly dazed and not paying attention.

It's not like Yixing is Jongdae's favorite or anything like that. No no no.

_4\. You’d do anything_

__

_If I tried to construct a list of things I wouldn’t do for my girlfriend, the list would be pretty empty. When you’re in love with someone, you do whatever you can to make the person happy._

__

_When you like someone, you may feel like there is a lot you would do for the person, but you have your limits. True love knows no limits._

Jongdae tries to calm his breathing. That's four out of ten, three numbers too many from what he had preferred earlier. If he gets the next one too, that means he's halfway there.

It's the same for Jongdae, really. He wracks his brain for something he would not do for his best friend but he comes up blank. Shit.

_5\. You are never afraid to express your feelings in public_

__

_I have this semi-bad habit of telling the world how in love I am with my girlfriend._

__

_When you’re truly in love, you want everyone to know. You are not bashful about your feelings by any means. When you like someone, there is a lot of holding back on how you feel._

Well, this doesn't count because Jongdae is absolutely not in love with Yixing. It's not like he goes around to his friends, telling them about how his best friend is the most amazing person alive or anything. It's not like he likes to tell random strangers on the street that the guy next to him is absolutely perfect because he can cook, sing, dance, and do so much more shit that is absolutely amazing.

This one definitely doesn't count. Just like the other ones don't.

_6\. You love the imperfections_

__

_My girlfriend is the most beautiful girl I know, but she does have some imperfections. But, to me, they’re not imperfections — they’re unique qualities and things I love._

__

_When I tease her about them, she thinks I am making fun of her, but I am truly just admiring them. Love is the ability to know and accept someone’s faults._

__

_You may know the imperfections of a person you like, but having the capacity to embrace them likely won’t happen unless you fall in love._

Does Yixing even have imperfections, that's the question.

That's a joke. The only thing that really comes to mind when imperfections is mentioned is how dazed and unfocused Yixing seems to be, and he's not sure if that counts as one because it's downright ~~adorable~~ endearing. Also, he's too naïve. He's the type of person that would go inside a stranger's sketchy ass van because they said they had candy. Maybe that's pushing it a little, but Yixing is most definitely like that.

And it's not like Jongdae loves (platonically!) him all the more for it.

_7\. You think long-term_

__

_When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to imagine a future without the person in it. For this reason, you will think long-term about how you can build a life with this person._

__

_You won’t give in to short-term temptations that might mess up your long-term goals. When you just like someone, thinking long-term can be pretty scary._

Well, of course Jongdae can't imagine a life without his best friend! That's why he's so angry at Sehun for possibly taking him away and stuff. And he thinks about Yixing in his future in a very platonic way.

You know, the normal best friend things. Living together in an apartment, stuff like that. Children are definitely not involved in this picture.

_8\. You become a better person_

__

_No one is perfect; we all have room for improvement. But, being in love will force you to work on these things._

__

_You want to become the best version of yourself for the person you love. I am a better person now than I was before I met my girlfriend._

Okay, so maybe being around Yixing makes Jongdae a lot nicer to the people around him. But that's just how Yixing's like! He's so nice it's contagious. Whatever.

Shit, this is the eighth one. Eight out of ten isn't good at all. He doesn't even know why he's still reading, this whole thing must be such bullshit.

_9\. Your feelings are unconditional_

__

_When you love someone unconditionally, it means that your love knows no conditions and is absolute. I don’t actually like the term “unconditional love” because I think it’s redundant — I believe all true love is unconditional._

__

_When you like someone, your feelings change depending on the condition._

Fuck, of course his feelings are unconditional, they've been best friends for 11 years, damn it! All this bullshit could be applied to any platonic relationship, really. Even the first thing you think about when you wake up thing. And the long term thing.

Damn it, he's running out of excuses!

_10\. Your love is your best friend_

He doesn't need to read the description because just those two words tell him all he needs to know.

Upset, Jongdae locks his phone and tosses it back onto his bed before slumping down against the wall, head in his hands again.

“No way,” he mumbles to himself. “There's just no damn way.”

* * *

Jongdae wakes up from the buzzing of his phone against his arm. He doesn't know when he fell asleep, but it just seemed the appropriate thing to do after the totally not true revelation from earlier. His brain hurt back then, and it still does now. Squinting, he looks down at his phone to see the screen say ‘Don't Answer'.

That's exactly what he does.

When his phone stops buzzing, he checks his messages and is not surprised to find some from Yixing. Taking a deep breath, he opens them up.

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:38_

_please answer your phone_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:45_

_seriously please_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_3:57_

_if you didn't want me to get a boyfriend you should have told me_

_From: Don't Answer_

_4:12_

_you're more important than sehun and i'm sorry i forgot that_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_4:26_

_this is driving me crazy, i'm just gonna go buy food and come over to your house_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_4:27_

_again, i'm taking lack of response as a yes_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_4:48_

_even if you say no now, it's too late, i've bought the food_

_From: Don't Answer_

_4:59_

_why is your house locked? did your parents go somewhere?_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:01_

_i don't know how to get in_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:02_

_should i try to jump from my window to yours?_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:02_

_yeah probably not a good idea_

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:04_

_come on answer your phone_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:06_

_fine, i'm going to do that totally cliché thing they do in movies_

__

_From: Don't Answer_

_5:06_

_i really hope your window won't break_

Jongdae is suddenly surprised by a sound coming from his window. He sits up in his bed and dread fills his stomach.

Yixing is throwing rocks at his window. Holy shit.

He's not prepared for this! He hasn't mentally prepared himself yet to see Yixing when his emotional state is so fucked up. Shit, he could just ignore Yixing but that would make him feel bad. And anyway, Yixing mentioned food. He is kinda hungry right now.

He takes a deep breath to calm his mind before walking over to the window. He sees Yixing with a sheepish look on his face, Chinese takeout bags in one hand, and a bunch of pebbles in the other. He crosses his arms and tries to look unimpressed despite the fact that his heart is going crazy thinking about the lengths Yixing had gone to get Jongdae to forgive him.

“Is this the part where I bring out my boom box?” Yixing says, attempting to defuse the tense atmosphere with some light hearted humor but failing horribly. Purposive humor isn't his thing anyway, it's more of accidental humor.

“I'll unlock the door.” Jongdae says in a monotone, trying to act like he totally wouldn't forgive Yixing right now. It must work because Yixing visibly sinks down, clearly upset. Jongdae does his best to not look at him for any longer than he has to because it'll break his heart.

He goes down the stairs as slowly as possible so he can pretend that he's still mad at Yixing, when really just looking at that puppy dog look of his is enough to make him melt. Jongdae hates his life. Why did he have to be blessed, or rather, cursed with an attractive best friend?

Alas, walking down the stairs isn't as time consuming as Jongdae had hoped it to to be, so he's in the doorway in no time. He takes a deep breath before unlocking the door as promised and only opening it enough for his head to stick out. Yixing is standing in front of the door, that same sheepish grin on his face. Jongdae tries not to stare too long because he's going to end up hugging Yixing like the adorable child he is and that would ruin the supposed anger he's feeling towards his best friend.

“I...I brought food, like I said I would?” Yixing says nervously after a few seconds of silence.

Wordlessly, Jongdae opens the door to let his best friend in. He walks to the dining room and sits down, still trying to seem as aloof as possible. “Lock the door behind you and give me that,” he says, pointing to the plastic bags in Yixing's hand.

Yixing does as he's told like an obedient little puppy and sits down on the seat across from Jongdae, watching silently as he takes out the food from its plastic and starts eating.

The silence is unbearable to both of them, but Jongdae's doing his best not to let it show. Really, he doesn't even know why he's still pretending to be mad. Maybe it's to prove to Minseok somehow that he totally isn't head over heels for the guy sitting across him, but who knows.

“Um...” Yixing speaks first, scratching the back of his neck. “I...I'm really sorry, Jongdae. I was just so caught up in Sehun that I kinda forgot about everything else. That's a shitty excuse but it's true and I'm really sorry,” he says, trying to divert Jongdae's attention from the noodles that he's started to eat.

“He is your first real boyfriend, I guess,” Jongdae says quietly, trying not to let on the anger he feels when he says this. “But that's still no excuse.”

Yixing frowns. “I'm sorry,” he says quietly, looking down at his feet. “I've known you for longer than I've known him so you're more important than he is.”

Shit.

Those words will be Jongdae's undoing. He cannot put into words the elation he feels at being called more important than Yixing's stupid boyfriend. He feels like standing on a table so he can be taller than that stupid fuckboy and taunting him with a triumph like no other.

“Damn right I am,” Jongdae snorts, letting the joy he feels show. Yixing perks up when he sees the small smile on his best friend's face and Jongdae holds in the urge to squeal because his best friend is such a puppy.

“I'm sorry, Jongdae,” Yixing repeats, still looking like a wounded puppy, but this time there is hope in that puppy's eyes. “Please forgive me?”

Jongdae pretends to think about his answer, but he's known what it would be since Yixing showed up to throw rocks at his window.

“You did buy me food,” he says thoughtfully. Yixing brightens at that and again, Jongdae tries not to pinch those stupid dimpled cheeks of his. “I guess you're forgiven.”

Like an overexcited puppy, Yixing stands up and reaches over the table to awkwardly hug his best friend. Jongdae's face is crammed into Yixing's bare shoulder and it takes all of Jongdae's strength not to press a kiss to the soft, smooth skin there.

Shit.

Jongdae feels his face burn and his heart pound when Yixing lets him go to look him straight in the eyes, a look of relief on his face. Since when were Yixing's eyes that pretty?

“I thought you wouldn't forgive me for a second,” he admits. “You've never been that mad before.”

Guilt stabs Jongdae in the heart when he thinks of how terrible Yixing must have felt, but he just shrugs and removes Yixing's hands from his shoulders, trying not to look him in the eyes in fear he'll melt from the sheer beauty. “Yeah, well, you've never given me enough reason to be that mad before.”

Yixing looks sad again. “I'm really sor - “

“I've already forgiven you,” Jongdae interrupts. He can't stand that look on his best friend,s face, and he can't stand it even more knowing that he's the reason for it. “If you apologize one more time, I'm going to shut you up with a fist to the face.”

Yixing laughs, the sound mellifluous and beautiful. “Since when have you been so violent? Has Kyungsoo been rubbing off on you?”

“Who's Kyungsoo?”

“The new kid in Chanyeol's class. I think they're dating?”

Wait, what? “Are you talking about that cute kid with the big eyes and pretty lips?” Jongdae asks, earning a nod from Yixing. That's weird, looking at him, Jongdae had thought he was a freshman. Weird. “I thought he was dating Jongin. Jongin seemed kinda lovestruck around him when I saw them together.”

Yixing shrugs. He doesn't seem that interested, really. Actually, he seems kind of upset. “Who knows? Everyone thought Chanyeol and Jongin were dating. Come on, I don't wanna talk about this, let's watch a movie or something.”

Jongdae raises his eyebrows at the totally smooth subject change, but he doesn't comment on it. “Alright, since my parents aren't here I guess we can watch in the living room,” he says. “Hold on, I need to get my phone upstairs. What do you want to watch?”

“It's up to you,” Yixing calls as Jongdae begins to climb up the stairs. As soon as he sees his bedroom, he dashes inside and shuts the door, trying to control the erratic beating of his heart.

“Okay,” he tells himself. “You can do this, Jongdae. It's just Yixing, nothing weird is going to happen. And even if something did, you're not in love with him anyway so it won't even matter.”

For some reason, he isn't reassured by his little pep talk. He would stay in this room for the rest of his life if he could, but Yixing is waiting. He grabs his phone and takes a deep breath before exiting the bedroom, legs trembling with nervousness.

Get your head out of the gutter, nothing's going to happen, he tells himself sternly, attempting to will his legs to stop shaking. Shit, why is he so damn nervous?

He descends down the stairs to see Yixing all comfortable on his couch, curled up against the edge with the TV remote in his hand. Yixing sees him and bursts into a smile, motioning for him to come sit down. “The Babadook's on. It looks pretty cool.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “This isn't your house, you know.”

Again, Yixing gets that stupid wounded puppy look. He stands up immediately, shuffling his feet. Jongdae totally doesn’t find it adorable or anything. “Oh, I'm sorry...should I - ‘

“Don't be an idiot. Sit down,” Jongdae says, rolling his eyes again.

Yixing complies, a confused look on his face. “You know, Jongdae, sometimes you're really confusing,” he comments, leaning against the arm of the sofa. The younger boy doesn't reply, too busy trying not to cuddle up next to his best friend. I mean, come on. Yixing has his legs propped up against the edge of the couch, as if he's making space just for Jongdae.

No, that thought definitely does not make Jongdae's heart pound faster than ever.

Instead of sitting right next to Yixing like every fiber of his being wants him to, he takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch, grabbing the pillow next to him and hugging it to his chest. “Are you sure you want to watch this? I've heard it's pretty creepy.”

Yixing's eyes widen. “It's a horror movie? Um...can we watch with the lights on?”

Jongdae laughs. “Not a chance,” he says, standing up to turn off the lights. Yixing frowns in his seat, curling up closer to the edge of the couch.

“You're so mean.” Yixing mumbles.

Again, Jongdae laughs. When he goes back to sit on his side of the couch, however, he is stopped by Yixing's hand on his arm. Jongdae freezes, looking down at his best friend and trying not to let the clenching feeling in his stomach show on his face. “What?”

“Sit beside me please, you know how I am with horror movies.”

Shit.

Jongdae scratches the back of his neck and turns to the TV, where he sees the main character seated with a book entitled Mister Babadook. Just seeing the bright red cover of that book is kinda creepy after all, so he plops down next to Yixing with a sigh and tries to calm the beating of his heart.

“You're such a baby,” he mumbles, trying to sit as far away from Yixing as possible without actually sitting far away from him.

They focus their attention to the movie, watching carefully as the woman reads the book aloud to her son. When a drawing of the Babadook shows up, Yixing latches onto Jongdae with alarm, arms grabbing his waist and pulling him up close. Jongdae's practically on Yixing's lap.

His face is a bright red. “What are you - “

“It looks creepy,” Yixing whines. Jongdae tries to roll his eyes but he fails to do so properly because his stomach is too fluttery for him to do anything, really.

Again, they watch in silence, Yixing tightening his grip on Jongdae as the book gets more ominous. By the time the creepy part is over, Jongdae's face is buried in Yixing's slightly sweaty neck.

“Why are you so sweaty?” he asks, doing his best not to breathe in Yixing's scent. He smells really good, like how Jongdae thinks Yixing should always smell. Like dimples and sunshine and dancing and dazed smiles. Like Yixing.

Of course Yixing smells like Yixing, what else could he possibly smell like? Damn it, Jongdae, stop being a sentimental idiot.

“Uh, I just came from dance practice, so yeah.” Yixing answers, clearly thrown off by the question. “Why?”

What Jongdae wants to ask is how the hell Yixing smells so good when he just came from something as exhausting as dancing. Like, seriously. Other people would usually smell like shit after sweating so much, but here we have Zhang Yixing, who smells like he just came out of a shower of Yixing-like things.

Instead, what comes out of his mouth is a “You stink.” Smooth, Jongdae. Real smooth.

Yixing frowns. “Sorry, just don't cling to me then - “

Jongdae grabs hold of Yixing before he can slink away, almost desperately. “You make a good pillow, so it's fine.” he mumbles. He doesn't really want to stop smelling Yixing, no matter how creepy that sounds. He just smells so damn good, who can blame him?

They watch a bit more of the movie in silence, Jongdae still cuddled up against Yixing's side. He can't focus on the movie at all, too caught up in the way Yixing's arms are still curled around his waist like he doesn't want to let go. The thought warms his heart as he rests his head in the crook of Yixing's neck, still breathing in that sunshiney smell.

“Jongdae?” Yixing whispers, startling Jongdae out of his Yixing high.

“What?”

“I'm really sorry,” Yixing says, his voice as quiet as the movie they're watching. “I really didn't mean for anything like that to happen.”

Without thinking, Jongdae gropes for Yixing's hand at his waist and grabs one, lacing his fingers through his best friend's. He tries to ignore the fact that's it's almost a perfect fit as he sighs and brings their intertwined hands to his chest.

“I know,” he mumbles, although those aren't really the words he wants to say.

 **  
**Jongdae sighs. He's so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SHAT THIS OUT IN A SPAN OF LIKE TWO DAYS BE PROUD OF ME (also i've accepted that i can't attempt to make things nice so you're gonna have to be stuck with this totally rushed shit i always fuckin write)
> 
> bc like i'm pretty slow with updates bc school is an utter pain in my ass but it hasn'T BEEN THAT LONG SINCE MY LAST UPDATE RIGHT??? I'M SO COOL (i use the time i for studying for college entrance exams as my fanfic writing time so no i'm not cool 10/10 would not recommend i swear i'll be working at mcdonalds or something when i'm like 35)
> 
> anyway like this is gonna be pretty short, maybe like 8 chapters, i'm not really sure. i tried not to make this cliche so shit's gonna be going down in the following chapters huehuehue
> 
> also i'm making side stories about everyone's sad high school drama bc why the fuck not amirite except for maybe baekhyun. he was supposed to get w chanyeol but i wanted chansoo but there was already kaisoo so why not a threesome??? yaaaay. the struggle of decisions man
> 
> also plEASE KEEP COMMENTING AND GIVING KUDOS I SWEAR I GET SO HAPPY I CRY EACH TIME. i mean u don't have to if u don't want to but they would be appreciated. yaaay thank u friends
> 
> oh yeah i almost forgot. i was too lazy to think of my own how to know you're in love with someone article type thing so i used a real one and it's actually the first thing that comes up when you search those exact words so yeah. hahahahaha this isn't plagiarism right. i'll cite the source in apa to be sure bc i'm a stupid nerd
> 
> Santos, E. (2014, August 11). 10 Definitive Ways To Tell You're In Love With The Right Someone. Retrieved August 21, 2015, from http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-ways-know-youre-love-someone-dont-just-like/685279/.
> 
> yes i am nerd. i hope no one's actually reading this so you won't find out how weird i am thank you


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: i can't smut for shit

_“_ _J-Jongdae, what are you - oh my God. Jongdae. What the fuck are you doing._ _”_

_Jongdae looks up from his spot between Yixing's legs, lips pressed against the soft skin of the older boy's inner thigh. He drags up his lips slowly, torturously, closer and closer to Yixing_ _’_ _s erection, enjoying the way he shudders and turns a bright red._

_“_ _What does it look like I'm doing?_ _”_ _Jongdae husks, making sure his voice is low and husky enough for Yixing to feel his breath against the sensitive skin. With a predatorial smirk on his face, Jongdae tugs at the waistband of Yixing_ _’_ _s boxers, pulling them down to expose the Chinese boy's cock. He would pull them down further, but he is stopped by clumsy hands grabbing his wrists._

_“_ _Jongdae, st-stop! You're not thinking straight!_ _”_ _Yixing shouts with alarm, flustered and sweaty. The sight of his best friend with half-lidded eyes and swollen lips sends a spark of arousal straight to Jongdae's aching cock._

_“_ _I'm about to give you a blowjob, of course I'm not thinking straight,_ _”_ _Jongdae chortles. Before Yixing can protest any more, Jongdae presses a light kiss to the tip of his best friend's cock, before taking it into his mouth and circling his tongue around it. He hums pleasantly, Yixing's choked moans sounding like pure music to his ears. Jongdae licks a long stripe up the underside of Yixing's dick, making sure to give him a teasing look that he definitely doesn't miss._

_The groan that is practically punched out of Yixing goes straight to Jongdae's painfully hard dick. Pleased, the younger boy drags his wet lips down to the base of his friend's member, licking and kissing his way up to the head. Yixing's incoherent babbling gives Jongdae a boost of confidence that has him taking the other boy's length as much as he can._

_Yixing gasps, bucking his hips up. Jongdae tries not to choke because he wants to see more of Yixing_ _’_ _s reactions, but the thrust is so sudden and sharp that Jongdae splutters, sitting up and coughing._

_“_ _Sorry!_ _”_ _Yixing gasps, kneeling on the bed to peer at Jongdae._ _“_ _Are you okay?_ _”_

_Shit, the fact that Yixing is still worried about him when he can see the lust in those normally dazed eyes turns Jongdae on even more. He presses his lips against Yixing's in response, tongue darting out to explore more of the Chinese boy's hot, wet mouth._

_Without breaking the kiss, Jongdae unbuttons his pants, letting his erection spring free. He breathes a sigh of relief into Yixing's mouth, stroking his cock before reaching into the back pocket of his jeans for a small bottle._

_Alarmed, Yixing pulls away._ _“_ _Wait, wait, no!_ _”_ _he says, eyeing the bottle of lube in Jongdae's hand._ _“_ _We shouldn't...we shouldn't be doing this._ _”_

_Jongdae's heart sinks in his chest._ _“_ _Why not?_ _”_ _he asks, looking up at Yixing with a desperation he can't hide. If Yixing really doesn't want this to happen, then of course Jongdae won't force him, but God, he's been wanting this forever._

_“_ _I - you'll regret this in the morning,_ _”_ _Yixing stammers, unnerved by the puppy dog look he's being given. Usually it's the other way around._

_“_ _What makes you think I will?_ _”_

_Yixing pauses for a moment, seemingly caught off guard._ _“_ _We're best friends,_ _”_ _he stutters, unsure of himself._ _“_ _You should do this with someone you really, really like. Not me._ _”_

_Jongdae takes a second to roll his eyes._ _“_ _I am, you idiot._ _”_

_“_ _I didn't mean platonically -_ _“_

_“_ _I know what you meant._ _”_ _Jongdae interrupts, rendering Yixing speechless._

_“_ _Wha - then you mean...?_ _”_

_“_ _Yeah, I_ _’_ _m in love you, Yixing._ _”_ _For some reason, the words are easy to say. Maybe it's because it's Yixing he's talking to. Nothing has ever been hard with Yixing, which is one of the reasons Jongdae likes him so much._

_Yixing looks absolutely elated._ _“_ _Do you mean that?_ _”_

_“_ _Of course,_ _”_ _Jongdae says, a smile on his face._ _“_ _How can anyone not love you? You're absolutely perfect._ _”_ _He sticks his hands underneath Yixing's shirt and runs them along his bare chest, earning a shiver from the older boy._

_“_ _Are you sure you want to do this, then?_ _”_ _Yixing asks._

_“_ _I should be asking you that, you're the virgin here,_ _”_ _Jongdae replies, not mentioning how his heart warms at Yixing's concern for him._

_Yixing blushes, but nods._ _“_ _If it's with you, then..._ _”_ _he trails off, Jongdae clutching his chest because his best friend is just too damn adorable._

_Jongdae grins at Yixing, happiness overflowing in him. He bends down to kiss the older boy, trying to show just how happy he is._

_“_ _I love you so much,_ _”_ _he whispers against Yixing_ _’_ _s lips, clutching his shoulders without any intention of ever letting go._

_“_ _Jongdae, I -_ _“_

Jongdae's eyes snap open at the sound of his alarm ringing. He looks up to the ceiling, wondering exactly why he's in his bedroom and not with Yixing right now.

 

 _Oh, that was a dream,_ he realizes a few seconds later. His chest hurts at the revelation, but really, it couldn't have been anything else. There's no way Jongdae would ever have the guts to just say those three words out loud. Besides, he hasn't even fully registered that he's in love with his best friend.

 

He looks down at his feet to see his little friend peeking up at him. Jongdae bites his lip at the memory of Yixing panting and sweaty underneath him and shakes his head, trying to will the thoughts away. He's supposed to go to school with Yixing today, it wouldn't be any good to have him thinking filthy thoughts about his best friend.

 

It doesn't work, though. The image of Yixing's mussed hair, swollen lips, smooth skin, heavy-lidded eyes, everything - it isn't exactly something Jongdae can forget. Not to mention the dream had been a lot more vivid than the other dreams he's had.

 

His phone rings, alerting him that he has a message.

 

_From: Zhang Yixing <3_

_7:34 am_

_jongdaeee come on i'm outside hurry up_

Jongdae can hear Yixing saying the message in his head, and does not help with his little problem at all. He envisions a whiny, needy Yixing begging for Jongdae to hurry up, and before he knows it, his hand has wrapped itself around his cock, pumping at the thought of Yixing coming undone.

 

Well, shit. He would text Yixing that he might be a down in a few minutes, give or take, but he's a little preoccupied at the moment.

 

* * *

 

 

“What took you so long?” Yixing asks as Jongdae climbs into the passenger's seat. “You didn't even brush your hair properly.”

 

Jongdae looks away, doing his best not to meet Yixing's eyes. “I slept late last night so it took me a while to get up,” he mumbles. Yixing doesn't really look like he buys it, but he just shrugs and let's it go, which Jongdae is thankful for. It wouldn't do him any good to tell the truth, after all.

 

It takes him a while to register the fact that he's sitting in the passenger's seat and not the back seat. Although he had always called shotgun back when Yixing was still single, Sehun had replaced his spot easily. For Yixing to allow him to sit in (as much as he was loath to admit it) Sehun's spot either meant he wouldn't be here or they broke up.

 

Jongdae seriously prays for the latter.

 

“Hey, isn't Sehun coming with us?” he asks as soon as Yixing starts driving.

 

He smiles, looking amused. “Why are you asking? I thought you hated him.”

 

Jongdae doesn't really have an answer to that, so he just shrugs. “Makes for good conversation? I don't know.”

 

Yixing chuckles and Jongdae does his best not to jump out of the car because, shit Yixing's laughter may just be the most adorable thing in existence. “I asked him to go with Tao this morning, so it could just be us for now. We haven't been spending much time together, right?”

 

The first thing that registers in his mind is the fact that Yixing said ‘just us'. He doesn't really know why, but those two words make Jongdae's heart feel like it's going to jump out of his chest because of all the fucking pounding it's doing. Damn it, heart, calm the fuck down.

 

The second thing that registers is the fact that Yixing asked Sehun to ride with Tao of all people. Does that mean Yixing knows about Tao's painfully obvious crush on his boyfriend? Is he trying to hook them up?

 

“Tao? Why Tao?” he asks, trying to read Yixing's face for any sign of jealousy or something. If there is, Jongdae can't see it because Yixing looks stupidly happy like always.

 

“They're friends, right? Sehun mentioned that Tao seemed pretty cool, so he wanted to get to know him more or something,” Yixing explains, not looking even the slightest bit bothered, which just amazes Jongdae.

 

“You do know that they fucked once, right?” Jongdae asks in disbelief. “You're not jealous or anything?”

 

Okay, maybe that wasn't a very good way to put it, but Jongdae just can't believe Yixing doesn't even look the slightest bit affected that his fuckboy of a boyfriend is riding with (and hopefully not just riding) someone else. In fact, Yixing's the one that had suggested his fuckboy of a boyfriend to ride with that someone else, who apparently has a crush on him.

 

Yixing frowns. “I know, but I trust Sehun. If he wants to make friends, then I shouldn't stop him. There's no way he'll cheat on me anyway, he's not that type of person.”

 

Jongdae doesn't know why he does this to himself. Hearing Yixing talk about his boyfriend like this, so confident and self-assured, it just breaks Jongdae's heart. It's like Sehun's past with other people doesn't even matter to Yixing, when it would definitely matter to someone like Jongdae. Yixing is just so kind and accepting of people's mistakes that it makes Jongdae want to cuddle Yixing close to his chest and protect him from the harsh world of rude people that could take advantage of his kindness. Sehun being a prime example, of course.

 

“You've known him for like, barely a year or something and in that time, he's slept with like 3 of your friends. His track record isn't exactly what I'd call clean, Yixing, and yet you pair him up with someone that has a cru - that he's slept with.” He curses himself for his blunder, but Yixing doesn't seem to notice. “You're way too naïve.”

 

Jongdae notices too late that his words seem slightly offensive. He looks to Yixing, biting his lip, but the Chinese boy isn't affected at all. Jongdae breathes a sigh of relief, he doesn't like seeing Yixing hurt. He's had enough of that, really.

 

“I trust him,” Yixing repeats. “He's really good to me, and I'm glad that he's my first boyfriend.” He has a fond smile on his face, one that doesn't fail to worsen the clench in Jongdae's chest. He's reminded of his talk with Junmyeon when he had been in his car.

 

Now is the time to ask, Jongdae supposes, taking a deep breath to steel himself for whatever answer will come out of Yixing's mouth. “Do you love him?” Jongdae asks, trying to keep his face nonchalant and totally not heartbroken.

 

Yixing looks away, most likely trying to hide his embarrassment of having to answer the question. Although Jongdae would like to see his best friend all flustered and embarrassed, knowing that it's because of Sehun that he's acting that way just makes him want to look away as well. And maybe even cry a little. “I can't...I can't really say that I do,” he says quietly.

 

Jongdae hides the grin on his face by thinking of Sehun's face. If Yixing isn't really in love with Sehun, then does that mean he has a chance? Unfortunately, his hopeful thinking is interrupted when Yixing continues. “But in the future, maybe I will. I can see it happening.”

 

The hope that had begun to bloom in Jongdae's chest bursts like a bubble. He suddenly has the urge to punch himself. Why would someone like him ever have a chance with someone as amazing as Yixing, anyway? Tears begin to fill his eyes and he blinks rapidly, trying to will them away.

_I'm a goddamn idiot,_ he thinks to himself, looking out the window. _If only I'd realized sooner._

“Jongdae? Are you okay?” Yixing asks, his voice concerned enough for Jongdae to look back at him. Just looking at the Chinese boy's face makes him want to cry.

 

“I'm fine,” he says, before bringing his hand up to his face to wipe imaginary tears that could actually come out at any second. “I'm just so emotional because my baby boy has finally grown up! He's finally falling in love!” he exclaims dramatically. It hurts to admit this, but he knows it's true. Yixing knows it's true. Everyone does, really, which makes it hurt all the more.

 

Yixing laughs, reaching over to playfully swat him on the arm. Jongdae forces out laughter as well, although he really just feels like crying. “Well, your ‘baby boy' would like it if his mother actually accepted the guy that he's falling in love with.” Yixing says, and suddenly Jongdae stops laughing. Not that his laughter was real, anyway.

 

Jongdae sighs, again looking out the window. “I don't know, Yixing. He just doesn't seem right for you,” he says, because it's true. No one is right for someone like his best friend. Not even him, really. Yixing is just so infuriatingly perfect.

 

‘You can't say that. You don't even know him all that well because every second you spend in his presence composes of you snarling at him like some overprotective dog,” Yixing says, clearly upset. “If you just gave him a chance then I'm sure you'd love him just as much as I do.”

 

Jongdae shrugs, guilty. Looking at Yixing's face just reminds him of how adorable he is when he does the puppy dog look, and he really doesn't need that right now. “I doubt I'd love him to _that_ extent,” he says. _Besides, I already love you._

Oh, if only he could actually say that.

 

“Oh, you know what I mean, Jongdae.” Yixing says. “I don't even know why you hate him so much.”

 

“He's a fuckboy that's not good enough for you,” Jongdae replies. _I hate him because he got to the one thing I've wanted for a long time now before I did._

“You're really such a mom,” Yixing says, trying to sound amused but failing because he's upset. “I just want the two most important people in my life to get along.”

 

Jongdae looks at Yixing, observing the way he tries to hide his disappointment by smiling like nothing's wrong. He hates that smile, really, because it looks nothing like the bright smile that Jongdae loves so much. He's hurt Yixing enough, why does he have to keep doing it again?

 

“Will it make you that happy?” Jongdae asks quietly.

 

The older boy nods firmly. “It really would. I want the three of us to hang out sometimes, you know? And not have to worry about bringing someone to a nearby hospital if I'm not able to restrain the other.”

 

Jongdae leans his head on the window, thinking of all the times he had seen Yixing with Sehun. There hasn't been a single time where he hasn't seen the smile he loves on Yixing's face when he's in close proximity with his boyfriend. It hurts to know that he used to be the one to make Yixing smile like that all the time, and now he's being replaced by some tall ass noodle that really doesn't deserve the angel that is Yixing.

 

But if Yixing can keep smiling like that, then maybe it doesn't really matter who's the reason behind it.

 

“Fine,” Jongdae mutters quietly, already regretting the decision as soon as the word comes out of his mouth.

 

Yixing looks up, surprised. “What?”

 

Jongdae clicks his tongue, annoyed. Why can he never refuse this stupid, adorable unicorn? “I said fine. I'll give your stupid boyfriend a stupid chance.”

 

Yixing stops the car to gaze at his best friend in wonder. “Really? You really mean that?” he asks, voice threatening to whoop in celebration.

 

“I’m not going to repeat myself. Don't make me take it back,” Jongdae warns. It's an empty threat, really, even though it's all he wants to do.

 

Excited, Yixing wraps his arms around his best friend and whoops. The smile that Jongdae loves so much is on his face, and Jongdae smiles to himself in satisfaction.

 

If Yixing can keep smiling like this, then what happens to him really doesn't matter from now on. He knows it's going to be painful, but as long as Yixing is by his side, then he can definitely endure it.

 

“You're the best, Jongdae!” Yixing cheers, his close proximity making Jongdae's heart pound in his chest.

 

 _Don't lie to me, Yixing,_ he thinks to himself. _I know you think Sehun is the best._

* * *

 

Jongdae wants to avoid this for as long as he can, but he's made a promise, and well, he can't exactly break it. Not if he doesn't want to be eaten alive by guilt, anyway.

 

He takes a deep breath and walks toward Sehun, who's leaning against a pillar with earphones on. It's rare to see him without Yixing nowadays, but Jongdae's glad that he's alone today. If he fucks up with this because he hates Sehun too much, then Yixing won't be around to see it.

 

Jongdae stands in front of the still noodly junior, clearing his throat. Luckily, Sehun's music isn't on that loud and he looks up, surprised. He takes one earphone out of his ear and pauses his music, shocked that his boyfriend's disapproving best friend is in front of him.

 

“Am I dreaming or is Kim Jongdae standing in front of me?” he asks.

 

“No need for the snark,” Jongdae replies, already pissed. Wow, this is working out great. One sentence and Jongdae already has the urge to stab Sehun. Why did he ever think this was a good idea? “I just wanted to talk to you. If you keep being a bitch, then I'm sure Yixing wouldn't like it if he found you in the infirmary.”

 

Sehun raises his hands in defense, seemingly amused. Jongdae really does hate that stupid grin on his face. “Alright then, go ahead.”

 

“Look, apparently Yixing really, really likes you.” Jongdae starts. He's about to continue, but stupid Sehun can't keep his mouth shut.

 

“Of course he does, why would he sing me that cheesy song otherwise?”

 

Jongdae's chest aches. So Yixing did sing him that stupid song. He knows that there's no other person that Yixing could have possibly sung it to, but it still hurts. The song had really nice lyrics, and if they had been directed at him, Jongdae surely would have melted on the spot.

 

“Shut up, I'm talking,” Jongdae says, angered by the thought of a lovestruck Yixing singing this little bitch a cheesy but still romantic song. “Anyway, yeah. He likes you. Like a lot. He actually told me that he could see himself being in love with you one day,” he admits. He doesn't know why he does, really. It hurts to say it, so he doesn't know why. Sehun doesn't need to know this. In fact he could have just kept that fact locked up inside him forever, but he didn't.

 

Everything is so confusing.

 

Sehun smiles, scratching the back of his neck like some flustered idiot. It might look cute on Yixing, but on Sehun, it's just...gross. “He said that?” he mumbles, more to himself rather than to Jongdae.

 

 _Yeah, he did. You're lucky, you little bitch,_ he wants to say. Anyone that has Yixing acting like putty in their hands is undeniably lucky. “He did,” he says instead, crossing his arms. “And as his best friend, it's my job to get rid of people that could potentially break his heart.”

 

Sehun looks up. “Oh? How... _interesting_.” There's a stupid, secretive grin on his face and all Jongdae wants to do is smack it off, but now isn't the time. “But you don't have to worry about me doing that. I'm very serious about him.”

 

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Of course I do, you're a little minx.” he says distastefully. “You've slept with three of my friends. One of them was head over heels for someone else, the other was supposedly straight, and the last was pretty much a virgin then. Yet somehow you managed to convince all of them to have sex with you.”

 

“What can I say, I'm just that talented. And I've slept with seven of your friends, technically.” Sehun says thoughtfully.

 

“That...doesn't help your case. Why would you even mention that.”

 

“Baekhyun says you're really loud in bed, by the way.”

 

“What - where the hell did that come from?!” Jongdae exclaims, face exploding in red. Does Baekhyun go around talking about their past sex life to everyone? He's going to kill that piece of shit one day. “And anyway, that's off topic! You keep throwing me off here!”

 

Sehun laughs. “I told you, there's no way I can break Yixing-hyung's heart, as you so claim. If there's anyone doing the heartbreaking, it'll be him, really.” Jongdae wants to ask what he means by that, but Sehun continues before he can. “I’m really serious about him, hyung.”

 

Jongdae takes one look at Sehun's face and can instantly tell that he likes Yixing just as much as Yixing likes him. Maybe even more, really. He despises that fact, but there's really nothing he can do about it. Even though he hates Sehun, he trusts Yixing with him.

 

“Alright, I'll take your word for it,” Jongdae says. “But if I ever see him shed a single tear over you, I'm going to shove your dick up your ass.”

 

“You can leave him to me, mother-in-law!” Sehun laughs, clapping Jongdae on the shoulder. Jongdae would use the anti-Sehun alcohol he has, but well. “I'll treat your son well!”

 

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “What's with both of you calling me mom? Is it like a couple thing or something? It's bad enough you two have sex in the most obvious places. It's disgusting, really.”

 

“What's disgusting is the fact that you know we do.” Sehun says, raising an eyebrow.

 

Shit, damn Jongdae and his stupid mouth. “I don't know what you're talking about.” he says stiffly.

 

Sehun laughs. “You're so silly, hyung. I can kinda understand why he likes you so much.”

 

Jongdae ignores the fact that he was called silly because if he dwells on it, he will most certainly end up punching Sehun in the gut. “Who?” he asks instead.

 

Sehun pauses for a while, sending him a knowing grin that Jongdae really doesn't understand. What's with Sehun and all these stupid, suspicious smiles? “Baekhyun.” he says, giving him a shit eating grin.

 

Jongdae sticks his tongue out. “Eugh, don't mention him to me, that's just gross.”

 

Sehun laughs again, eyes crinkling with secrecy. “I'm kidding, hyung.” He looks down at his phone. “Oh, looks like Yixing hyung is done with that group thing. I'm gonna go get him. Do you wanna come with, or - “

 

Jongdae shakes his head. “Nah, you go ahead. I've got some things to do.” He doesn't, really. He just doesn't want to see Sehun and Yixing together right now.

 

Sehun nods. “Okay then. I'll tell him you said hi. He'll be so happy you've finally talked to me of your own volition. Thanks, hyung.”

 

Jongdae gives him a half hearted wave and walks forward, clutching his heart. He has to remind himself that if Yixing is happy, then that's all that matters.

 

* * *

 

 

“Must you be so perfect?” Jongdae asks dramatically, leaning over the railings. He's not scared of heights at all, so looking down and seeing the ground from so high up isn't that big of a deal. “If you weren't so perfect things would be so much easier.”

 

He sighs to himself, resting his chin on his hands. What exactly is he supposed to do in this situation? He had told himself he would let Yixing be happy and be with Sehun, but he isn't sure if he can handle it. They're too happy together, and Jongdae is a bitter bitch that can't accept the fact that his best friend is falling for a -

 

“Jongdae don't kill yourself! You have so much to live for!” he hears a deep voice shout, and he turns around to see a distressed Yifan.

 

“Idiot,” he says. “If I wanted to kill myself then I'd do it in a place where nerds like you wouldn't be able to walk into.”

 

Yifan shrugs. “It just looked like it, okay. And from what I've heard from Junmyeon, you've been acting kinda weird lately.”

 

Oh, right. The whole fiasco of him realizing his feelings for Yixing.

 

“He's just paranoid.” Jongdae says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

 

Yifan leans on the railings beside him, crossing his arms. “So what are you doing up here? Reflecting on how rude you've been to Yixing lately?”

 

Wow, Yifan is an asshole. Why is Jongdae friends with an asshole? He doesn't need to be reminded of how much he hurt Yixing by ignoring him and sort of insulting him. He doesn't have the energy to snap at Yifan though, so he just bites his lip. “I guess you can say that.” he mumbles.

 

Miraculously, Yifan is not enough of an idiot to not notice how upset Jongdae seems to be right now. He looks over to him, slightly concerned. “Are you okay? You look really, really stressed or something.”

 

“I don't want to talk about it with you,” Jongdae mumbles.

 

“Wow, that's just rude. We're friends, aren't we?”

 

“Well, you're one hell of an asshole friend. Telling you wouldn't really make me feel better. Also, it would be too much like telling Yixing, and I don't want to do that.”

 

Him and Junmyeon are pretty much in the same situation, anyway. Pining for someone who won't even look at them sounds familiar to both of them. He isn't that obvious about it, luckily, because he had just recently realized, but Junmyeon has been chasing after Yifan for a while now. Its just gotten kinda sad.

 

“Don't tell me you've realized just now that you're in love with him.”

 

Jongdae nods. “Yeah - wait, what? You knew too?”

 

Yifan shrugs. “It was really obvious, I'm pretty sure everyone realized way before you did.”

 

“If you could figure out that I liked Yixing before I did, then why can't you realize that Junmyeon's totally head over heels in love with you?” Jongdae asks, amazed. Does Yifan choose to be an idiot only when it's convenient for him?

 

Yifan turns red and looks away. “I'm not blind, Jongdae. Of course I know Junmyeon likes me.”

 

Wait, what?

 

“So, you're...you're leading him on? You go on dates all the time, but you always shoot him down amd tell him you're straight on purpose?! What the hell, Yifan, you can't play with someone's feelings like that!” he shouts, enraged.

 

Yifan turns around. Jongdae can't see his face, but he's pretty sure that Yifan is guilty as hell. Good. He should be.

 

“I don't want to hear that from you.” he mutters.

 

Why is he having deja vu right now? Oh yeah, that one time Sehun told him that he couldn't break Yixing's heart any more than Jongdae had.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Yifan shakes his head, starting to walk away. “Figure it out, Jongdae.” Just before he reaches the door, he seems to remember something. “Oh, also, I'm having a party at my place on Friday and Junmyeon wants you there, so...yeah.”

 

He shuts the door behind him, leaving a confused and pissed off Jongdae.

 

* * *

 

 

He really wishes he hadn't promised Yixing that he'd give Sehun a chance. Aside from the fact that he hates seeing the two of them together, he is now forced to third wheel for them. It doesn't help that Yixing is his ride home, so he has to wait for the two of them to finish dance practice before he can go home and cry about how he has to third wheel for them now that him and Sehun are on civil speaking terms.

 

Jongdae sighs, when did his life get so fucked up? Really, pining for his best friend is just so cliche, he had never thought himself capable of it. And he just really doesn't understand how he hasn't realized it earlier. It definitely would have saved him a lot of pain.

 

 _Or not,_ he thinks to himself. _If I'd realized earlier, then it would just mean having to hide it for longer._

Hiding his feelings doesn't really sound appealing to Jongdae. What if these feelings of his never go away? Does that mean he's going to have to spend the rest of his life hiding the fact that he's in love with his best friend?

 

 _People in movies make it look so easy,_ he thinks resentfully.

 

Or maybe he doesn't have to hide it. Maybe he can just tell Yixing.

 

He erases that thought off of his kind before he can dwell on it any further. He's already told himself that he's going to do what he has to so he can keep that smile on Yixing's face, and he's pretty sure confessing will go against that.

 

“I hate this,” he mumbles to himself, leaning his head against a nearby wall. “I wish Minseok hadn't told me, things would be so much easier...”

 

Suddenly, he's distracted by the sound of a guitar playing nearby and a beautiful singing voice (not better than his though, of course).

 

He walks over to where the sound is coming from, begging for something to distract him from thinking about his situation with Yixing. He peeks into a nearby room to see Chanyeol with his guitar in his arms, and what seems to be the back of the new kid. Kyungsoo, was it?

 

Whatever. He walks into the room, praying for them to be good distractions.

 

His presence goes unnoticed by the pair because they're too into the song they're singing together. He has to admit they make a pretty good duet, with Chanyeol rapping and Kyungsoo joining in with his angelic voice. Jongdae also previously had no idea Chanyeol could actually sing, and he's not bad either. He's good at harmonizing, and Jongdae lets himself get lost in the music.

 

When they end their song, they spend a moment of silence that Jongdae breaks by clapping. They both jump, clearly startled.

 

“That was really good!” he cheers, walking over to Kyungsoo. “You're the new kid, Kyungsoo, right?” he asks.

 

Kyungsoo gives him a suspicious stare, but nods nonetheless. “Yeah, and you are...?”

 

“I'm Jongdae,” he says, giving Kyungsoo a bright grin. He's a lot cuter up close, Jongdae notices. “You should join the choir, your voice is really nice.”

 

“Oh, thanks...but I don’t really know...” Kyungsoo mumbles.

 

He's quiet, too. Jongdae likes that in people, just like he likes it in Yixing. He's had enough of boisterous people for one lifetime. He's dated Baekhyun, for fuck’s sake.

 

“You should!” Chanyeol chimes in, giving Kyungsoo that teethy grin of his. “You haven't joined a club yet, right?”

 

Kyungsoo looks conflicted for a moment, but he looks at both Jongdae and Chanyeol's hopeful faces and that clears all the conflict. He shrugs. “Okay, why not. How do I join?”

 

Jongdae grins. “Just come with me to practice one day, and I'll handle it from there.”

 

“When are practices?”

 

“Uh, Junmyeon's the president, so he's the one that decides when they are, really. How about I just text you when the nearest one is?” Jongdae asks. He grins to himself, who knew choir practice was a good way to get someone's number?

 

Someone else, however, doesn't seem as pleased. Chanyeol stares at Jongdae suspiciously, enough for him to think that maybe Yixing was right when he had said that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were dating.

 

Kyungsoo nods. “Sure, give me your phone.” Jongdae complies, and that's when he sees a text from Yixing. He totally doesn't mentally squeal when he sees the name, of course.

 

_From: Zhang Yixing <3_

_4:56 pm_

_sehun and i are done! where are you??_

Grinning, he texts him back the classroom number and definitely does not look forward to seeing him. Looking back at Kyungsoo, Jongdae hands him the phone and watches as he lunches in the numbers.

 

“So, uh...” he says. Might as well get this question out of the way. “Are you guys dating?”

 

Kyungsoo snorts, earning a heartbroken puppy look from Chanyeol. “Definitely not. He just likes to bug me. Both him and Jongin,” he says, totally oblivious to the fact that Chanyeol looks like he's just been shot.

 

“Really? That's good, then,” Jongdae says, smiling. Both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol stare at him suspiciously, although Chanyeol's stare is filled with more malice. Jongdae doesn't really mind, though. As long as he gets to keep talking to the cute boy that totally does not remind him of Yixing at all, then he'll take any glare from the overgrown puppy.

 

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks.

 

Jongdae hears the door open, but he's too focused on not fucking this up to check who just came in. “Because I wanted to ask you out. You're pretty cute, Kyungsoo. Wanna go on a date with me?” he asks, trying to flash him a charming grin.

 

Chanyeol twitches in his seat, hands clenching into fists. _Don't you dare,_ his eyes seem to say. Jongdae responds with a triumphant smirk.

 

 _Oh, I definitely dare,_ he tries to say to Chanyeol. Although there's no actual conversation, Chanyeol seems to get the message, going by the enraged look on his face.

 

Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but is interrupted by a voice that never fails to make Jongdae's skin crawl.

 

“Jongdae hyung! We're here, now come on let's go home!” Sehun shouts urgently. Jongdae doesn't know why he looks so alarmed and desperate, but he just silently clicks his tongue because showing any sign of annoyance to the younger boy wouldn't make Yixing happy.

 

“Hold up, I'm doing something,’ he says dismissively, his heart totally not racing when his eyes land on Yixing. He turns back to Kyungsoo, willing his heartbeat to calm down. “Your answer?” he asks.

 

“Jongdae. Let's go.”

 

Jongdae turns around to see an upset looking Yixing, and damn it, this is the opposite of what he wanted. What did he do wrong? He had been pretty civil with Sehun lately, right? To avoid making Yixing any more upset, he nods, glumly putting his phone in his pocket.

 

“I guess I'll see you later, Kyungsoo,” he says, upset that he wasn't able to hear the cute boy's answer. Behind him, Chanyeol sticks his tongue out like an elementary schooler, and Jongdae can't resist the urge to roll his eyes. “I'll text you!” he calls out, before exiting the room and trailing behind Yixing like the puppy he is.

 

“You didn't have to do that,” Yixing says to Sehun.

 

Sehun gives him a knowing grin, before lacing their fingers together, an action that never fails to break Jongdae's heart yet ignite the flames of fury at the same time. He says nothing, though. “I wanted to, though. You had that look on your face again.”

 

See? Totally a third wheel. Jongdae has no clue what they're talking about.

 

“You're sweet,” Yixing remarks. “But I'm fine.”

 

Sehun just looks at Yixing and smiles, his eyes saying that he doesn't buy it for a single second. However, he doesn't voice this out loud and instead squeezes his boyfriend's hand, smiling at him fondly.

 

“I'm still here,” Jongdae calls out, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest and failing miserably. “Don't start making out.”

 

Yixing turns red before elbowing Sehun, because he’s definitely the instigator of all the public makeout sessions these two have. Sehun laughs, giving Jongdae a reassuring grin that really doesn’t assure him at all.

 

“Don’t worry, hyung. I’m saving all the makeout sessions for that party at Yifan-hyung’s place later.” He says, a shit eating grin on his face.

 

Oh yeah, there’s a party. For what, Jongdae doesn’t know. It’s probably for Yifan to remind everyone that he’s one of the cool kids. Which he really isn’t. He’s just a dork that’s apparently an asshole.

 

He doesn’t really feel like going, though. Going means seeing Sehun and Yixing going at it, and he’s seen enough of that, really. But he can’t act like anything’s wrong, because Yixing will worry and he doesn’t need to see that adorable puppy dog look of his.

 

So yeah, he’s going to go. Parties mean alcohol, anyway, so he can probably drown his sorrows in vodka and cry about his pathetic self.

 

* * *

 

 

“He’s so cute,” a tipsy Tao whines, leaning into a completely sober Jongdae. “He’s so cute I might die.”

 

“If you’re talking about Sehun, then I’m going to have to disagree with you. What exactly is cute about that stupid fuckboy face?” he pouts, even though he’s well aware that Sehun can be pretty cute. When he wants to be. Which is all the time, really, because he wants to look cute for Yixing all the time. Gross.

 

Tao gasps like Jongdae has just committed blasphemy. “You must be blind!” he proclaims dramatically. “Sehun is just _sooooo_ cute, and…and he has the best ass _ever_.”

 

“You’re drunk.” Jongdae says, not denying the fact that Sehun has one hell of an ass on him, even though it pisses him off to no end.

 

“I have a right to be when the sexiest guy I’ve ever seen is right in front of me but I can’t touch him because he’s dating my friend!” Tao practically screeches, grabbing his red solo cup and taking another sip. Jongdae doesn’t even know what’s in it.

 

“I feel you,” Jongdae mutters, more to himself than to Tao. Tao doesn’t listen, anyway, he just points to an area of the crowded house in anger.

 

“Look at that! He’s fucking _dancing!_ He’s going to kill me with his sexiness, why has he not been arrested yet?!”

 

Jongdae ignores Tao when he screeches some more and instead focuses on Sehun, who is grinding on someone like his life depends on it. He doesn’t have to squint to know that it’s Yixing.

 

The two dance in perfect sync, rolling and swaying their bodies to the beat of the music in perfect harmony. They look perfect, really, and anyone standing within 5 meters of them is sure to melt from their hotness if they weren’t buzzed or something akin to it.

 

Jongdae recalls being curious about how Sehun dances, and now he regrets it. Seeing Sehun shimmy down Yixing’s front like a stripper makes him sick to his stomach. What makes it worse is that Yixing seems really into it, dancing like the sexy beast he is.

 

Again, his chest clenches with pain. Whoever said that things hurt less when you get used to them is a liar. The pain in his heart just seems to get worse and worse each time he sees his best friend with his boyfriend.

 

“I need a drink,” Tao says, seemingly upset from watching the pair. Jongdae can definitely relate.

 

“Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

Eight (or maybe more, he wasn’t really counting) cups of vodka and Sprite later, Jongdae drunkenly stumbles into the living room, Tao nowhere in sight. It’s not like it matters, anyway. He can’t be bothered to give a shit about anyone other than Yixing right now.

 

Speak of the devil! Yixing is just leaning against a wall, head bobbing in time with the music, no Sehun in sight. Yixing is plenty sexy even when he’s just casually standing there, but the fact that his stupid boyfriend doesn’t seem to be anywhere near him just makes him even sexier to a drunk Jongdae.

 

“Xingie!” he whoops, running over to his best friend and miraculously not falling flat on his face.

 

Alarmed, Yixing looks Jongdae up and down. “Shit, you’re drunk. The last time you were this drunk was a disaster.” he says, backing away from his best friend slowly. Jongdae pulls him closer, whining.

 

“ _Noooo_ , I’m not drunk! I’m just not sober,” he says. Before Yixing can comment on that, Jongdae continues. “Heeey, where’s Sehun? Off in Banging A Random Person Because He’s A Fuckboy Land?” he asks, before bursting into laughter and wiping away some tears. “Funny. I’m so funny.”

 

Yixing raises an eyebrow. “I’d get on your case for calling him a fuckboy, but I’ll let it slide because you’re drunk. And he went to get some drinks.”

 

“Drinks? Don’t you mean dicks?” He starts bursting into obnoxious laughter and Yixing just sighs, probably wondering why he’s friends with such a mature child.

 

“No, Jongdae, I mean drinks. Speaking of which, don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Yixing asks, eyeing the cup in Jongdae’s hand.

 

“I’ve had enough of your terrible boyfriend!” Jongdae shouts, catching the attention of random people around them.

 

Yixing is clearly tired of having to deal with a drunk Jongdae, even if it’s barely been a minute. Nonetheless, he decides to humor Jongdae because he might throw a tantrum otherwise. “Of course you have.” he says, in the manner of a disbelieving parent to a child.

 

“Someone as perfect as you deserves someone better than a noodle like him!” Jongdae continues passionately.

 

Yixing just seems amused. “Really, mom?” he asks, a teasing smile on his face. “Like who?”

 

Jongdae brightens up at the question, now is his chance. “Like me!” he exclaims, earning a stunned silence from the older boy. “Yixing I love you marry me and be my boyfriend!”

 

“…you’re drunk.”

 

The seriousness in Yixing’s voice just doesn’t register in Jongdae’s drunk mind. If it had, then Jongdae would definitely have never done what he did next, drunk or not.

 

“I’m sober enough to do this!” he shouts, before grabbing Yixing and pulling him in for a clumsy, drunken kiss.

 

When their lips meet, sparks fly behind Jongdae’s eyes, even if their noses bump and his teeth graze Yixing’s lips ungracefully. It’s by no means the neatest kiss he’s ever had, but it still outweighs the other kisses he’s shared with other people, because it’s Zhang Yixing he’s kissing here. Yixing doesn’t respond, probably too shocked to react, but drunk Jongdae doesn’t let that hinder him. He pushes Yixing against a wall and kisses him with all the desperation he’s felt since he realized he was in love with his best friend.

 

Pulling away for breath, he rests his forehead against Yixing’s. It still hasn’t registered that Yixing didn’t kiss back, so nothing is trampling the utter bliss Jongdae feels by being so close to his best friend.

 

“Yixing,” he whispers, lips mere inches away. “I love you.”

 

He reaches forward to claim Yixing’s lips again. This time, Yixing kisses back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well you asked for it. theY KISSED AREN'T U HAPPY
> 
> yeah okay i'm rlly excited to keep writing now bc this is pretty much where all the shit goes downhill. the beginnING OF THE END HAHAHA. THIS IS WHERE THE ANGST TRULY HITS. or like, where i'm trying to make it truly hit
> 
> um so like yea honestly i tried to update as fast as possible bc all ur comments make me cry. anD I WANT TO SEE PEOPLE'S REACTIONS TO HOW SHIT GOES DOWN SO LIKE. COMMENTS AND KUDOS. I LOVE THEM. THEY GIVE ME LIFE
> 
> okay i was kinda burned out by this chapter tbh so it's shittier than usual. yay


	5. Chapter Five

Jongdae wakes up to a loud, painful ringing that tells him someone's calling him. The noise is far too loud for his delicate ears, so he lets out a small whimper as it continues to ring, sending a dull thud of pain through Jongdae's head.

_I'm never drinking again._

He cracks open one eye and immediately shuts it as soon as he sees the sun shining through the window. Everything hurts - his head, his ears, his ass -

Wait, what? His ass?

Alarmed, Jongdae opens both eyes and sits up, ignoring the sting of pain he gets from the brightness of the window. Immediately, his hips flare with pain and he winces, rubbing the sore spot.

Damn it, he had drunkenly slept with someone. Again. This makes like, what, the third time? The first time had been with Baekhyun, and that had actually been the reason they had started going out.

Jongdae sighs. Yixing's right, he really is a horny drunk.

Massaging his head in a feeble attempt to ease his hangover, Jongdae glances at the body sleeping next to him. He can't see the guy's face, since it's covered with a pillow, but he knows that they had one hell of a night, going by the deep scratches on the guy's back. Jongdae hides his face in shame, praying to the high heavens that the guy had been just as wasted as he had been last night.

He slides his leg towards the edge of the bed, careful not to make his ass hurt more than it already does. Looking down reveals his shirt and a pair of jeans that look strangely familiar lying forlorn on the floor. His phone is lying right beside his shirt and he picks it up, wondering exactly who could be calling him this early in the morning.

Before he can check, however, he is interrupted by the loud sound of a door slamming against the wall and he winces, ready to bark out at the person behind it. It just so happens to be a distressed looking Yifan.

“Have you seen Junmyeon?” Yifan asks before Jongdae can start bitching about his hangover.

The shorter male raises an eyebrow. “Trouble in paradise?” he asks. Honestly, if Junmyeon's ignoring Yifan, then Yifan totally deserves it for being an asshole that leads people on. “I don't know, maybe he went home.”

Yifan shakes his head, biting his lip. “No, his car's still here - wait a minute. Why are you naked.”

Jongdae resists the urge to laugh. “You only notice that now?”

Instead of Yifan looking disgusted, however, he gets this stupidly large grin on his face that reveals his gums. Jongdae's a little creeped out by it. Who in their right mind would grin like a baby when they see their naked friend?

“So you guys finally did it, huh?” Yifan laughs, walking over to Jongdae. He picks up a discarded pair of pants lying on a study chair and covers Jongdae's lower half with them, that same stupid smile still on his face. “Congratulations! When's the wedding?”

Jongdae stares blankly, completely confused. “Um...what are you talking about?”

“Oh, of course, you don't remember.” Yifan sighs. “He's not going to be very happy when he wakes up.”

“What? Who?”

Yifan gestures to the body lying in the bed. “You slept with Yixing, didn't you?”

What.

Jongdae's face turns red and he shakes his head. “What are you talking about? That's not Yixing,” he says, not admitting that the very idea of him having sex with his best friend is very, very appealing. But it's just not possible. Yixing has Sehun, and Yixing is in no way the type to cheat.

“Who else could it be?” Yifan asks, confused.

“Um, some random guy, I don't know! It's just not Yixing, it can't be. He wouldn't cheat on Sehun.”

Yifan rolls his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if you even know him at all,” he mumbles. Before Jongdae can protest to that, Yifan walks over to the bed, placing his hand on the pillow covering the face of Jongdae's drunken one night stand. “Look, I'll just show you.”

Jongdae's heart pounds in his chest. Even though he knows for a fact that it cannot be Yixing, Yifan's confidence just seems to rub off on him. He lets himself believe that maybe, just maybe, Yixing did allow himself to cheat on Sehun for a reason that hopefully involves crushing on his best friend.

Yifan removes the pillow with a flourish, leaving Jongdae to stare at the sleeping body in shock.

Well, he was right. It's not Yixing.

Before Jongdae can fully register exactly who it is, Yifan steps back in shock. It is only then that Jongdae realizes that the face is familiar. Too familiar, in fact.

“...Junmyeon?” Yifan squeaks, clearly stunned.

Holy shit. He slept with Junmyeon? And he bottomed? He must have been really, really drunk.

Alarmed, Jongdae looks back at Yifan to see tears welling up in the older boy's eyes. Shit. “W-wait, Yifan, this is a misunderstanding - “

Junmyeon chooses that moment, that horrible, horrible moment, to wake up. “Jongdae, you're too loud,” he mumbles, cracking an eye open. When he sees Yifan, his face immediately goes blank.

_Oh shit, I sense incoming tension._

Jongdae is right. Junmyeon and Yifan's eyes meet, and the tension is so thick that one could cut it with a knife. They don't break eye contact for a while, and Jongdae is left to awkwardly shuffle to the side, trying not to interfere.

Yifan's the one that looks away first. “I was looking for you,” he mumbles, looking down. “So I could apologize.”

Junmyeon feigns disinterest, and it's clear that he's doing so from the way his hands are shaking. With anger or nervousness, Jongdae's not sure. He doesn’t know what’s happened between these two, but from the way Junmyeon seems to be losing his composure, he knows that it’s bad. Really, really bad. “What makes you think I want to hear it?” he asks, making Jongdae want to shrink into the wall. Do they have to be doing this when he's around?

Yifan whimpers like a kicked puppy. “I just...I didn't think you would...overreact the way you did,” he murmurs, still not meeting Junmyeon's eyes.

Junmyeon laughs, the sound so forced that it's painful to listen to. Both Jongdae and Yifan wince. “I overreacted, huh? So if someone you were in love with for so long had been leading you on this entire time and you get mad about it, that's overreacting?”

“I didn't mean it like that - “

“Get out. I don’t want to see your face.”

“But I - “

_“Out.”_

The glare on Junmyeon's face looks nothing like Junmyeon at all. It's enough to send Yifan out the door, tail tucked between his legs. Jongdae thinks he can see a tear run down Yifan's face, but he ignores it. Maybe he's seeing things. Why would Yifan cry if he wasn't interested in Junmyeon in the first place?

“I know he's my friend and all, but he deserved that,” Jongdae says, placing his hand on his older friend's shoulder. “For leading you on the way he did.”

Junmyeon just nods. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

There's an awkward silence between the two. Jongdae wonders if it's because of the fact that they had slept together or the confrontation with Yifan.

“Jongdae, are you....naked?”

If Yifan wasn't such an asshole, Jongdae could have sworn that these two were a match made in heaven. Apparently, they both liked to interrupt themselves in the middle of something important to ask about Jongdae's obvious nudity.

“You are too.” Jongdae points out.

Junmyeon's eyes widen and he looks underneath the blanket covering his lower half. Indeed, Jongdae is telling the truth. “Did we...?”

“Well, my ass is sore and you've got scratches all over your back, so yeah, I'm pretty sure we did.”

Junmyeon looks so confused, it's confusing Jongdae as well. “But...but you kissed Yixing yesterday. Why would we...do it?”

What.

At Jongdae's blank expression, Junmyeon continues. “You kissed him in front of everyone last night.” he says.

Jongdae laughs in disbelief. “No way,” he mutters, more to himself than to Junmyeon. “No way in fucking hell.”

“It's true.” Junmyeon says, nodding.

“Maybe you were drunk and seeing things,” Jongdae says, shaking his head. “I wouldn't do that. There's just no way - “

“He kissed you back.”

Jongdae's eyes widen and he lets out another forced laugh. “Okay, that's how I _know_ you're kidding. Yixing isn't someone who'd cheat.” He laughs again, hoping that Junmyeon would burst into laughter as well, but the laugh on his lips dies when he sees that Junmyeon isn't kidding.

“I'm serious, Jongdae. You can ask anyone else, I'm sure they saw you. You weren't exactly in a secluded area.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. “But...but Yixing wouldn't do that. You said it yourself, he's in love with - “ Jongdae chokes on his words, trying to force them out, but he can't say it. He can't admit the extent of Yixing's feelings for Sehun, it hurts too much. “...he likes Sehun. A lot. He wouldn't give that up for...for me.”

Junmyeon shakes his head. “He definitely would, you guys are best friends. But I don't know, maybe he was drunk.”

Oh. Jongdae hadn't thought of that. Immediately, he relaxes. If Yixing had been drunk, then he probably won't remember Jongdae's stupid drunken kiss.

“That's probably it,” he sighs to himself. “Yixing would never...not with me, anyway.”

If Jongdae had been paying attention, he would have seen Junmyeon roll his eyes. But since he's not, the only time he remembers that his friend is in the room is when Junmyeon speak again.

“This still doesn't explain why we slept together,” Junmyeon points out, snapping Jongdae out of his daydreams of waking up next to Yixing instead of Junmyeon. Yixing's angelic face would definitely be much better than the basic bitch face that is Junmyeon's.

“You were probably pissed at Yifan and needed someone to bang,” Jongdae says, searching for his phone. He sees it tucked into the pocket of his discarded jeans and reaches for it.

“That’s not what I meant,” Junmyeon says, exasperated. “If you were making out with Yixing last night, then why did you end up sleeping with me?”

Jongdae freezes. He hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t...I don’t know,” he mumbles. He chooses that moment to check his phone and he sees a missed call from Yixing, as well as a new message.

 _From: Zhang Yixing <3_  
_11:35am_  
_Meet me in the park at 12. We need to talk._

“Shit,” Jongdae says out loud. Yixing isn’t the type of person to use proper punctuation and capitalization unless he’s being really serious. Jongdae bites his lip. What exactly had he done last night? Had Yixing even been drunk at all?

“What is it?” Junmyeon asks. Jongdae had almost forgotten that he was in the room.

“He said we need to talk,” Jongdae replies. Even though he doesn't want to speak to Yixing in fear of something bad happening, he still picks up his jeans from off the floor and puts them on. He grabs the shirt on the desk chair without really looking at it and pulls it over his head. “Sorry, Junmyeon, I have to go.”

The older male nods, understanding. “It’s fine, leave me here to freak out about how I slept with you. Your boyfriend needs you more.”

“He’s not...he’s not my boyfriend,” Jongdae mumbles. How he wishes that he didn’t have to say those words. “Look, it’s fine. You’ll be fine, I need to go.”

“I get it. Good luck, Jongdae.” Junmyeon says, waving the younger male out of the room.

 _I hope I won’t need it,_ Jongdae thinks to himself.

* * *

The last time Jongdae had entered this particular park, he had been so nervous and suspicious that he probably could have pissed himself. This time, it’s different. Not only does he feel like he’s about to piss his pants, he also feels like he could shit his pants. His palms are sweaty as he enters and spots his best friend on the same swing he had been sitting on the last time they met here.

He looks uncharacteristically serious, too. There is no trace of the gentle smile that Jongdae is so fond of. He takes a deep breath before walking over to his best friend, hoping to defuse the tense atmosphere that Yixing has around him.

“I got your message,” he says, sitting on the swing next to Yixing and grinning. “Anything wrong?”

“Don't do that.”

Jongdae’s face falls at the seriousness in Yixing’s voice. “Do what?”

“This. You’re doing this whole pretending thing. You’re acting like nothing’s happened.” Yixing says. Jongdae finds it extremely unsettling that his best friend hasn’t looked him in the eye at all.

It's probably a bad idea, but he plays dumb. It’s the only thing he can think of to do. He’s terrified to see how Yixing would handle his drunken kiss. “What are you talking about?”

Yixing gets up, exasperated. “Goddamn it, Jongdae, I know you slept with Junmyeon last night, okay?!”

Jongdae stares in shock. That hadn’t been the confrontation he’d been expecting. “How did you - ‘

“Yifan. I’m pretty sure the whole school knows that you slept with President Stick Up His Ass,” Yixing says.

Jongdae laughs awkwardly, heart hammering in his chest. He doesn’t know why Yixing is so angry, but it still makes him upset. “Okay, so I did. Who I sleep shouldn’t matter to you. Why are you so mad?”

Jongdae winces - he doesn't mean for his voice to sound so accusing, but it does. And now he’s paying for it. His best friend looks angrier than ever, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

Yixing laughs, the sound dry and sarcastic and so not Yixing-like that Jongdae almost clutches his heart from hearing the painful sound. “Are you seriously asking me that? Do you not remember what you did to me last night, too? God, you need to stop drinking.”

A pang of hurt goes straight to Jongdae’s chest when he hears Yixing say the words ‘what you did to me’. He makes it sound horrible, like Jongdae had betrayed him and their entire friendship with that one kiss. And maybe he has.

Still, he plays dumb. It’s safer, and at least he has a script that he can follow. “Last night? What did I do?”

Yixing sucks in a breath. “God, you fucking asshole. I can’t tell if you’re just faking it or what you did was so insignificant to you that you can’t even remember.”

Jongdae wants to cry. He’s never heard Yixing curse this much, and maybe that’s a stupid thing to be sad about, but he’s sad anyway. He’s hurt, because this is the first time he’s ever seen his best friend this angry, and it’s all his fault. “Yixing, I - “

“Look, you fucking kissed me, okay. It would have been okay if it was just that, because you were wasted, but you told me that you...were in love with me.”

Jongdae's eyes widen in disbelief. “Wh - I said that?” His heart hammers in his chest because shit, he doesn't think he can lie to Yixing about his feelings. Yixing will find out, and their friendship will be totally ruined because Yixing has a boyfriend that he can easily choose over his best friend.

“I told you that we’d talk about this when you weren’t drunk as all hell, but then I find out that you had sex with someone else. God, do you know how that feels? For the guy you’re in love wi - I mean, your best friend to tell you that he’s in love with you, only to find out that he slept with someone else right after he told you?”

Jongdae looks down in shame, tears pooling in his eyes. Yixing has seriously never been this mad before, but Jongdae can't exactly blame him. He's a fucking idiot.

“Yixing, I’m sorry - “

“Did you mean it?”

Jongdae’s eyes widen again. He doesn’t know how to answer this. If he says no, then Yixing's going to be pissed to all hell. If he says yes, well...who knows what will happen. Saying no seems like the easier way out, but he’s not sure if he can convince Yixing that he feels nothing for him.

So he does the only thing he can think of to do - absolutely nothing. He looks down and stays quiet. The silence between them hurts so much. He can feel his heart breaking because _this is his chance to come out and say it,_ but he can't. It'll make Yixing sad, because he'll have to choose between Jongdae and Sehun. And in Jongdae’s point of view, it’s an easy decision. That doesn’t mean it won’t be painful, though.

“Don’t do this to me. Please, Jongdae. Just answer. Yes or no.”

He shuts his eyes. He can’t continue to stay quiet because it’s clearly hurting Yixing, going by the desperation in his voice.

“I’m sorry, Yixing, but...” he trails off on purpose, partly because his words are enough, and partly because he can't continue.

He keeps his eyes shut, and it’s only when the silence has dragged on for too long that he opens his eyes to see Yixing with the blankest look that Jongdae has ever seen on his face. And it hurts. He wants Yixing’s smile back, but he doesn't think he has the right took see it when he's the one that took it away in the first place.

Jongdae reaches out to his best friend, hoping to comfort him someway, somehow. “Yixing, I - “

But Yixing flinches from Jongdae’s touch, and the younger recoils, eyes pooling with tears of hurt. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.” Yixing says sharply. He takes a deep breath, one long enough for Jongdae to blink his tears away. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other for a while.”

Those words have the tears coming back almost immediately. “Wh-what? Why?” he asks. He doesn’t even care that his voice is so needy and desperate, all he cares about is the fact that he might be losing his best friend because of a stupid, drunk mistake.

"I don't think I can look at you anymore. I don't want to see you." Yixing says quietly. Jongdae knows that every word coming from his best friend's mouth is the truth because Yixing is not looking him in the eye  _at all._ "I need to sort things out. I need some time."

"Oh...okay..." Jongdae mumbles. He's not sure what he's going to do if he suddenly bursts into tears right in front of Yixing, because he swears that's going to happen any second. But he tries to smile, although it's shaky and obviously fake. "We're still...we're still best friends, right?" he asks, hope in his voice.

Yixing doesn't answer. He turns around and walks right out of the park, taking Jongdae's heart with him and crushing it with every step he takes. 

Luckily, it's only that moment that the tears decide to hit him full force. It must look strange for a teenage boy to be downright sobbing on the swings in a children's park, but he doesn't care about anything but the fact that he can hear, feel, and see his heart breaking.

* * *

 _He gets as far as pressing himself against Yixing, arms entwined around the taller boy's neck. Yixing's lips are soft and plush, like pillows, and Jongdae has to wonder how the hell it is possible for someone's lips to feel so nice and perfect against his. His heart pounds in his chest because_ finally,  _he's kissing Yixing and it's better than anything he's ever imagined._ _  
_

_But then Yixing pushes him away, pupils blown, and although Jongdae is disappointed by the lack of Yixing's lips on his, he's proud to see his best friend's reaction. The Chinese boy is breathing heavily, lips swollen, longing clear in his eyes. Jongdae chuckles and leans in again, only to be stopped by a hand on his lips. He whines, stomping his feet._

_"Xingieee," he whimpers. "I wanna...I wanna kiss you! Why won't you let me kiss you?!" He all but screams what he's saying, causing quite a few heads to turn to them. They're all drunk, so Jongdae doesn't really care, but Yixing does. He turns red and drags Jongdae to an empty room._

_As soon as the younger boy realizes that he's alone with Yixing, happiness warms his chest. "Oooooh, are we gonna do it?" he asks, trying to waggle his eyebrows suggestively but failing because he's too drunk._

_Yixing should laugh. Yixing would laugh, but there is no hint of laughter on his face right now. It's only then that Jongdae realizes that Yixing has a fucking_ boyfriend  _and he just made out with him._

_"Jongdae. Look, you're drunk, okay. I'll take you home, alright? Stay here, just let me find Sehun - "_

_When Jongdae hears that name, he starts to cry. All the pining he had been forced to go through just hits him right then and there so the tears won't stop coming. His best friend's eyes widen and he stoops over to wipe Jongdae's tears away, nothing but concern in his eyes. "Hey, don't cry - "_

_"Don't go to Sehun!" he wails. "I don't want you to go to Sehun, I want you to stay here with me!"_

_Yixing winces. Jongdae isn't usually an emotional drunk. How much did he even have? "I can't do that, I need to bring both you and him home - "_

_Again, Jongdae interrupts. "No!" he shouts, just like how a child would shout when throwing a tantrum. "No, no, no! Fuck Sehun! He can go die for stealing you away from me! Just leave him here!"_

_Yixing sighs. "You're drunk," he says. "You don't mean anything you're saying." It sounds like he's trying to convince himself though, rather than Jongdae. He would find it weird, but he's too preoccupied with trying to get Yixing to stay._

_"I mean it!" he shrieks. "I mean every single word I say! Zhang Yixing, I am in love with you and I hate your stupid boyfriend!"_

_Yixing sucks in a breath. "Stop it. Just fucking stop. I_ know  _you don't mean that. You didn't mean it last time, why would you mean it now?"_

_Jongdae cries harder. "Why don't you get it?! I love you, why do you think I'm always angry when you're with that noodle piece of homewrecking shit?! I love you," he sobs. "I love you so much but you don't even believe me!"_

_The Chinese male looks weak. He looks like he doesn't want to believe what Jongdae's saying, but he does anyway. "I shouldn't talk to you about this when you're like this." he decides, looking away from Jongdae's still crying form. "When you're not drunk, that's when I'll listen to you, okay?"_

_That should be good enough for Jongdae, but it isn't. "Fuck you, I'm telling the truth!" he yells, before darting out of the room and ignoring Yixing's call of his name. He runs to the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and before he knows it, he's in a different bedroom. Why is Yifan's house so big?_

_He hears some sniffling and he looks to the bed to see Junmyeon hunched over, tears in his eyes._

_"Hyung," he hiccups. "You cryin'?"_

_"No." Junmyeon says. "'m just fucking_ plastered  _and Yifan is an asshole and 'm fucking horny as shit."_

_"Same."_

_Junmyeon seems to think about something before looking Jongdae up and down. "Can I...can I fuck you?"_

_Jongdae grins, climbing onto the bed. "Why the fuck not."_

_Even though both of them are drunk, they won't forget the way neither of them moaned each other's names._

* * *

"You look like shit," Junmyeon remarks as Jongdae climbs into his car, eyes red and puffy from his night of totally not crying.

"Thanks. You're a great friend." he replies. He's not in the mood for any of his friends being assholes today. All he's in the mood for is getting Yixing to forgive him for that  _stupid, stupid_ party. Fuck Yifan for even thinking about having one.

Junmyeon starts driving, and Jongdae doesn't mention how he's the one sitting in the passenger seat instead of a certain tall asshole. He's pretty sure he'd have his ass kicked if he did mention Yifan anyway, so he doesn't. Still, the car ride is awkward because Jongdae sees a hickey on the side of Junmyeon's neck. 

He's too ashamed to start a conversation, but Junmyeon doesn't seem to be as ashamed as he is. "So...how did things go with Yixing?" he asks casually.

"How do you think?" Jongdae snaps. "There's a reason I look like shit and I'm in your car instead of his."

"No need to be so angry." Junmyeon mumbles, and Jongdae feels bad. The poor guy's been through enough, with Yifan leading him on and all. He doesn't need an asshole in his car right now.

"Sorry," he mumbles, looking away. "I just feel like shit."

That's an understatement if Jongdae's ever heard one. Shit isn't an adequate enough word to describe the ache in his chest that doesn't seem to go away no matter how hard he tries to think about something else.

“It’s fine. Can I ask what happened, though?” Jongdae can hear the carefulness in Junmyeon’s voice, like he’s doing his best not to get him angry, but it just makes him angrier. He manages to keep it in though. Junmyeon really doesn’t need a bitchy, heartbroken friend that snaps at him when he asks a simple question.

But he can’t bring himself to think about how much of a fucking idiot he had been. It hurts him too much, thinking of the way Yixing had looked so desperate and pained. He doesn’t want to think about it, much less talk about it.

“I was an idiot,” he says vaguely. “I don’t really wanna talk about it.” Junmyeon nods. “Understandable,” he says, reaching out to pat Yixing’s arm. “It’ll be okay, you know. I don’t think that nearly a decade of friendship can go away because of something like this.”

Jongdae nods quietly. He appreciates that Junmyeon is so understanding, he does, really, but he’s a liar. That look he had seen on Yixing's face hadn't seemed like it would go away any time soon. 

* * *

It would be easier to avoid Yixing like he was asked to if he hadn't been so stupid and forgotten the code to his locker. However, what's done is done, so he has to spend part of his morning watching Yixing at his locker with Sehun, acting like he hasn't (hopefully temporarily) ended their friendship. He doesn't even seem affected at all, and that's what hurts Jongdae the most. He could barely survive a night without his best friend, but Yixing seems totally fine. Happier even, going by the grin on his face as he hooks his arm around Sehun's waist.

Leave it to Zhang Yixing to break Jongdae's heart for the millionth time in the span of  a week.

He clenches his teeth as he watches Sehun laugh at something Yixing says. He hates that kid more than ever now. If not for him, Jongdae probably never would have realized he was in love with Yixing and things would have stayed the same between them.

He meets Sehun's eyes. He tries to give the younger boy the stink eye, but Sehun doesn't seem affected by it. It's probably because Jongdae is too sad to do it properly. Instead of shrinking back in fear like Jongdae wants him to, Sehun gives him a smile that just screams _'you poor asshole'._

"Hyung, let's go. I need to get some stuff from my locker too," he hears Sehun say. Yixing nods, smiling, before following after his boyfriend.

He walks over to Yixing’s locker, partly thankful that they went away, and partly sad because those moments were probably the only ones when he’d be able to see Yixing. He opens the locker to get his History book, and is surprised to see a bright pink sticky note on top. His heart races in his chest because holy shit, maybe Yixing changed his mind, but it falls back down to the ground when he doesn't recognize the handwriting.

 _I’m an idiot,_ he thinks, heart sinking. _Of course it wouldn’t be from him._

Squinting, he reads over the words.

_Hey. I heard about what happened during that party. I’m not mad, by the way. About the kiss. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, from the way you were looking at him. I’m just surprised you’ve managed to hold it back for so long, honestly._

_Anyway, I’m sorry. You guys are best friends, and I got in the way of that, but I don’t regret it. You needed to open your eyes. I thought you realizing it would hurt him less, but it seems like I was wrong. You have an unusual talent of fucking things up even worse than you already have. I need to talk to you about it, about him. You’re hurting him, hyung, and as his boyfriend, it’s my job to do the whole protective thing. Meet me at my locker during lunch. Please. If you want to get him to forgive you, then you have to listen to me. I’ll see you then._

_Sehun_

Jongdae's blood boils. Sehun’s acting like he knows Yixing so much better than he does, and he hates it. He doesn't want to meet that asshole, but the last thing he said tempts him. Jongdae's not sure what Sehun can tell him that he doesn't already know, but he’s curious.

Maybe he can get things back to normal.

* * *

 

“Did you call me here to fucking rub it in my face that I fucked things up?” Jongdae asks as soon as he sees his best friend’s boyfriend, not in the mood for pleasantries. Well, and now that him and Yixing aren’t talking, he doesn’t think he needs to play nice with the asshole anymore.

Sehun laughs. “No, but I do find it absolutely amazing that he practically screamed it in your face and you still haven’t figured it out.”

“What are you talking about? Figured out what?” Jongdae asks, confused but still irritated.

Sehun just smiles, amused. “Nothing. You’re too dense. No matter how many times I give you hints, you just won’t get it. I don’t understand how anyone can be that dense.”

Anger burns through Jongdae, so he grimaces, crossing his arms. He has better things to do than this. He doesn't need this asshole to insult him any more than he already has. “I'll fucking punch you,” he threatens. “Just fucking say what you came here to say, I have better things to do.”

Sehun gives him a shit eating grin, and it's so annoying that Jongdae considers following through with his threat. “Like Junmyeon-hyung?” he asks innocently.

Oh, he did _not_ just fucking say that. Jongdae shoves him against the lockers, rage fueling him. He squeezes Sehun’s shoulders, getting even angrier when Sehun doesn't appear to mind. “You shut the fuck up about that,” he warns. He ignores the people starting to crowd around the two of them and glares, clenching his hand into a fist.

Sehun shrugs, that smirk still on his stupid fucking face. “So touchy, hyung,” he says, voice cold and mocking. “I thought you wanted Yixing-hyung to forgive you? He’ll never forgive you if you hurt me, you know.”

Jongdae clicks his tongue, letting go. As much as he hates to admit it, Sehun’s right. Yixing wouldn’t want his stupid boyfriend to have a nasty bruise on his pretty boy face. “Just get to the fucking point,” he says. He can’t wait to get to an isolated area to punch everything in sight and pretend that it’s Sehun’s stupid face.

“Alright, alright.” Sehun says, raising up his hands. “Sheesh, you’re so gullible and dense. No wonder hyung got sick of it.”

To Jongdae's furious mind, he doesn't hear Sehun say what he actually he says. Instead, he hears Sehun say _‘no wonder hyung got sick of you',_ and that's the last straw. He throws his fist right at the center of Sehun's face, not giving a single shit anymore. The younger boy falls on his butt with a pained cry that Jongdae definitely takes pleasure in hearing.

Jongdae grins as he sees the blood spurting from Sehun’s nose. His fist throbs with pain, but it’s worth it. He thinks he’s broken Sehun’s nose. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time, asshole,” he says, glaring.

“Hyung! What the fuck?!”

Jongdae looks up, surprised to see the tiny crowd parting for a distressed Tao. Tao gives him a glare that has a shiver running down his back, because shit Tao knows wushu and Jongdae just broke the nose of the boy he's crushing on. He doesn't regret it, though, and he probably won't even if Tao decides to beat him up.

“He deserved it,” Jongdae says nonchalantly, feeling no guilt at all, even when Tao crouches over Sehun to check his nose. They're friends, yes, but Jongdae hates Sehun too much to care that Tao is flailing about, trying to find a way to stop the bleeding.

"You're the worst, hyung!" Tao cries. He takes one look at Sehun and puts on a helpless face. "U-um, I don't know what to - "

"Some tissue would help," Sehun says, sounding both amused and pained at the same time. Jongdae smiles to himself, he's finally found a way to get that cocky ass grin off of Sehun's face.

Tao searches his pockets desperately, only to find a pitiful, ripped up piece of tissue paper. Still, he tries to wipe some of the blood off Sehun's face with that tiny piece of tissue, resulting in a breathy laugh from the younger.

"Don't laugh, I'm doing my best!" Tao sputters.

"Just leave him alone, Tao," Jongdae says, still uncaring. "He's an asshole anyway - "

"What the hell is going on here?" 

The tiny crowd parts a second time to reveal a shocked Yixing. Jongdae's heart lurches in his chest as he looks at his best friend. He's happy for a brief second, but then he remembers that they're fighting and he just broke Sehun's nose.

"Yixing-hyung!" Tao cries in relief. "Jongdae-hyung punched Sehun!"

Jongdae makes a mental note to murder Huang Zitao. It's bad enough that he isn't speaking to Yixing, Tao's making things worse by making Jongdae look bad in front of him.

Yixing darts over to Sehun, practically shoving Tao aside. "Are you okay?" he asks, fussing over his boyfriend. Jongdae holds in the urge to cry and punch Sehun again. Yixing's so cold to him now, how can he be so nice to an asshole like Sehun?

"I'm fine, hyung," Sehun says, trying to wave his hand nonchalantly but failing because he's in too much pain so his wave ends up as an awkward flailing of his arm.

"Your nose is broken, stop trying to act cool." 

Sehun's eyes brighten. "Really? It's bleeding a lot, right? Do I look like I just survived a near death situation? Is my nose bent weird? I still look handsome, right?" he babbles, trying to lessen the pain by talking.

Yixing rolls his eyes. "You dork. Come on, we need to get you to the infirmary," he says, handing Sehun his handkerchief and pulling him up. The couple starts to walk away, leaving Jongdae with a horrible clenching feeling in his chest.

"Jongdae." Yixing calls. Jongdae perks up, looking at his (hopefully not ex) best friend's retreating back. His heart speeds up in his chest because this is the first time Yixing's addressed him since the park.

"You don't have the right to do that," he says, voice cold and firm. Jongdae just knows that Yixing's next words are going to be devastating, even if he hasn't heard them yet. "We're not best friends anymore."

He watches Yixing walk away, and yes, he was right. Being Yixing's best friend was the only thing he could have, and now it's gone, broken, crushed into a million tiny pieces.

Just like his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI OMG SORRY NOT DEAD. IT'S BEEN LIKE WHAT TWO MONTHS??? I'M SORRY. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS THEN WOW I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE GREAT AND I SUCK FOR PUTTING THIS OFF FOR TWO MONTHS OR SOMETHING.
> 
> so. yeah. drama. hahahahaha. nice right. i'm sorry jongdae is an idiot. man i should change the title to jongdae is an idiot because that's basically what this whole fanfics is about??? sorry again for being a lazy piece of shit and taking forever to update but at least i did right? yaaaaay!
> 
> okay yeah well i think i remember someone asking for like fluff because i mentioned that things would get angsty so that's gonna be the next chapter. it's gonna be a xiuhan extra and it's basically like. how they started going out. so if like you see an update in the next few days (hopefully not weeks) it's not related to the story i'm sorry. so yes, xiuhan.
> 
> well like jongdae's story is almost ending, there's like maybe two or three chapters left before it's done, yaaaay! but that doesn't mean it's over, because i'm writing yixing's pov of the whole mess, and then the taohun, xiuhan, krisho, and chansookai side stories! oh i also might write a SHINee thing bc why the fuck not. 
> 
> AGAIN I'M SORRY. i'll try to update asap huhu bc i feel so bad for putting it off. you know, life gets in the way of things and yeah whatever. okay yeah that's it sorry again i feel rlly bad
> 
> COMMENTS AND KUDOS GIVE ME LIFE AND MOTIVATION!!!! JUST SAYING!!!!


	6. Extra (Xiuhan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luhan's actually pretty thankful he has the tendency to say things without thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um i'm kinda not too good at fluff so i hope this is okay?? it's basically just how these two nerds started dating prolly set around two years before? or something? like minseok is a sappy piece of shit here bc he's younger or smthin and basically this is luhan's character so yeah sorry if they're too cheesy

Luhan first realizes it when he wakes up with his head in Minseok's lap. It's probably the best way to wake up, really, looking up to see his gorgeous best friend immersed in whatever he’s watching on TV. His heartbeat speeds up when his eyes land on Minseok's perfectly shaped lips, and he has the sudden urge to reach up and kiss them until they're red and swollen. Just looking at the older boy makes his mind go fuzzy. He can think of nothing else but _Minseok, Minseok, Minseok._

“Minnie,” he calls, voice deep and rough from just waking up.

“Yeah?”

“I think I'm in love with you.”

He's clearly half asleep, because Luhan is definitely not stupid enough to randomly blurt out a possibly friendship-ruining revelation he realized mere seconds ago. However, Minseok doesn't seem to mind that much.

“That's nice, Lu,” he says fondly, threading his fingers through Luhan's hair and massaging his scalp. Luhan shivers at the older boy's touch and nuzzles his head against Minseok's stomach. It doesn't seem like his sudden confession has any effect on the way Minseok is acting. In fact, he just seems even fonder of Luhan, going by the way one of his hands reach down to grab hold of Luhan's clammy palm.

Luhan is absolutely elated, Minseok's touch warming his heart with a happiness he's never felt before. The fact that Minseok is treating him exactly the same even though he has just revealed that he is possibly in love with the older boy makes him feel like he can say anything and Minseok would still be there to fondly stroke his hair like always. The thought gives him a burst of courage.

“Will you be my boyfriend?” he asks, looking up to meet Minseok's eyes.

An even bigger smile than before makes its way to Minseok's face, his eyes crinkling with amusement and affection for the eager idiot that is his best friend. “Of course I will,” he replies, squeezing Luhan's hand and pressing his lips to Luhan's forehead. Luhan's face heats up at the contact and he can't keep the stupid grin he gets off his face.

And that seems to be that. They fall into an easy silence, Luhan relishing the fingers in his hair and the hand holding his. His heart rate picks up the pace whenever Minseok looks away from the TV to smile down at him with affection, and he just really, _really_ wants to kiss his new boyfriend. Like, right now, preferably.

“So what now?” he asks instead, breaking the comfortable silence. Again, Minseok doesn't seem to mind and instead gives him that same amused, fond smile of his.

“What do you think?” he asks. Luhan takes it as a challenge, really. It's like Minseok wants to see if he has the guts to ask the question he really wants to ask, and Luhan isn't surprised. Minseok can always see right through him.

“Can I kiss you?”

Challenge complete. It was a lot easier than Luhan had thought it would be. All it takes is a look at Minseok's luscious lips and enough willpower to ask the question.

Minseok smiles, nodding. He bends down a little so Luhan can reach up, which is exactly what he does. He sits up too fast, though, so their lips just barely brush and Luhan can feel the softness with that fleeting touch. He shudders, but he makes no move to further press into the enticing softness that is Minseok's lips.

They spend a second looking into each other's eyes, and it seems like Minseok is waiting for Luhan to make the first move and press their lips together. It makes sense, after all. Luhan was the one who asked, so it would be logical for him to instigate it, but for some reason, he can't.

“Are you nervous?” Minseok asks.

It's kind of weird how Minseok is always able to see right through him, but he's not complaining. Luhan nods meekly, biting his lip. “Kinda...” he mumbles, looking away from his best friend turned boyfriend.

Again, Minseok smiles fondly. Luhan really loves that smile, it makes his stomach feel all fluttery and warm. “It's just me, Lu.” he says reassuringly. “It's just us. What's there to be nervous about?”

As usual, Minseok is right. What is there to be nervous about? They're Luhan and Minseok, best friends. A new label isn't going to change them, and neither is a kiss (or more, hopefully). Luhan has no idea why he was nervous in the first place. Minseok is amazing.

“I really do love you,” Luhan says, earning a smile from the older boy. He takes it as a sign to lean in and finally press his lips against the lush lips he has been yearning for for quite some time now.

Their lips fit perfectly together, sending tingles down Luhan's spine. The Chinese boy has kissed before, yes, but never like this - so perfect and amazing and just pure _Minseok._ He’s never had sparks explode behind his eyelids when any other lips have made contact with his. He’s never had his heart pounding so hard that he thinks he’ll spontaneously combust any second now. Minseok’s lips are plush and warm against his, and the kiss is innocent and sweet and _beautiful._ Luhan loves it. Luhan loves _him._

They break away for breath, leaning their foreheads together and looking into each other's eyes. Luhan had never understood couples that do exactly what him and Minseok were doing, but now he does. He loves this, looking into Minseok’s eyes and feeling his warm breath tickle his face. He’s so happy right now, he could just die.

He never wants this elation to end.

* * *

 

 “We're dating now.” Luhan says, standing in front of their friends with a protective arm around Minseok.

The first to react is Yixing, who gives them a bright grin and a big hug. He envelops both Luhan and Minseok in it, congratulating them in that obligatory Yixing way that makes Minseok chuckle.

“I'm so happy for you guys!” he half shouts, squeezing them tight.

Tao nods behind him, smiling brightly. “I kinda expected it, though, with the way Luhan-hyung’s been acting around Minseok-hyung.”

Junmyeon laughs, clapping Luhan’s back.. “I think we all did. You had it pretty bad, Luhan.” he teases. “I’m just glad one of you had the courage to say so.”

Minseok laughs, elbowing Luhan who blushes. He had been pretty gutsy to confess at the moment he realized. “I'm glad he did too,” Minseok says, grabbing Luhan's hand and smiling at him. Luhan's heart pounds faster, why does Minseok have to be so cute?

“Ah, so it was Luhan that confessed.” Yifan says, smiling. “Congratulations, you two.”

Luhan and Minseok are suddenly crowded around by their friends, who bombard them with questions about how exactly they got together. Luhan is a little overwhelmed, but he'd probably do the same thing as them if he was in their situation. He answers as honestly as possible, only hesitating when Tao asks if they've kissed yet. Before he can answer, though, he is interrupted by a loud voice.

“Wait a minute, back up! You guys are dating?” Jongdae asks, eyes wide with disbelief. He's been so quiet this whole time, Luhan had forgotten he was even here.

“Um, yeah, you heard Luhan earlier, right?” Minseok asks, looking relatively worried for his younger friend. “Are you okay, Jongdae?”

“I just - what - I can't believe you guys are going out! Since when...since when have you guys seen each other like that?!” he exclaims, looking down at Luhan and Minseok's joined hands.

“Wait, Jongdae, you mean you didn't notice it before?” Junmyeon asks.

Jongdae nods urgently. “I'm...I'm okay with it, it's just - it's so sudden and I - “

“Have you not seen the way Luhan has been looking at Minseok lately?” Yifan asks. “It's pretty obvious, Jongdae.”

Luhan can't help but turn red at the fact that all his friends, except Jongdae, seem to have figured out that he's got the hots for his best friend.

Jongdae shakes his head. “What do you mean it was obvious, Luhan looked exactly the same!”

There is a collective eye rolling by everyone except for maybe Yixing, and of course, Jongdae. “I think Jongdae-hyung is just absolutely oblivious when it comes to things like these,” Tao says. Almost everyone nods in agreement.

“Guys, that's just how Jongdae is. Don't be too mean to him,” Yixing defends. Grateful, Jongdae laces his arms around his best friend's waist and nuzzles his neck.

“You're an angel, Xingie,” Jongdae weeps. “Take me away from these horrible people.”

Yixing pats Jongdae on the head. “But really, congratulations, you two. You deserve all the best,” he says, Jongdae nodding along with him.

“I'm surprised but as long as you guys are happy, then it's fine.” Jongdae says.

Minseok smiles. “Thanks,” he says simply. Luhan just wants to eat him up, really, he's much too cute. Just like a little dumpling.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurts out suddenly, looking down at Minseok. Before he can register what he just said, he is met with a chorus of gagging and shouting.

“Oh God, I take it back! Break up already!”

“If you guys ever have PDA I will kick both of you in the balls and barf.”

“Minseok, say no! We were having a nice congratulatory moment and he had to ruin it by being horny! Say no! He doesn't deserve you!”

“Hyung, please don't...just...just no. Please no.”

Laughing, Minseok takes both of Luhan's hands, earning more yelling from their friends. He reaches up and presses a soft kiss on the younger boy’s nose, making him turn red in the process.

“You can, but you may not.” Minseok teases.

Oh God, he's going to die from how cute Minseok is being. Luhan’s not sure if he can handle being his boyfriend if he keeps making that cute face.

Unable to resist any longer, he tilts Minseok's face upwards and presses their lips together, savoring the softness and the taste of Minseok. He doesn't hear the jeers from his friends and instead focuses on the feeling of his baozi in his arms.

Minseok is just so perfect. Luhan absolutely loves the way Minseok fits so perfectly into his arms, and the way his lips feel so heavenly and perfect. He's glad he was too sleepy to stop himself from asking his best friend out. He isn't sure how he was able to live without the perfection that is Minseok until now.

Suddenly, they are broken apart by a tomato (where did Jongdae even get that) thrown at Luhan's chest. “No PDA!” Jongdae shouts fiercely, everyone else firmly nodding behind him.

Luckily, the tomato doesn't splatter all over his clothes. However, they do splatter all over his white sneakers, and he lets out an agonizing scream.

“Jongdae my shoes!” Luhan screeches.

“Well, that's what you get! Do you guys have any idea how disgusting it is to see you being all lovey dovey and attacking each other’s lips?!”

Behind Luhan, Minseok laughs. He's never felt happier, really, listening to his boyfriend's mellifluous laughter and being surrounded by his closest friends. Even if said friends just threw a fucking tomato at him and ruined his favorite shoes (the ones that make him look taller and manlier, too. Damn it Jongdae.)

Life is just great.

* * *

 “Do you want to go on a date?” Luhan asks one day after school, practically squeaking out the question because Minseok is way too cute for life.

Minseok looks up, an amused smile on his face. “I was wondering when you'd ask. Where are we going?”

Luhan mentally fist pumps because _hell yes_ his boyfriend agreed to go on a date with him. It's probably weird to be so excited when they've been on so many dates that they didn't call dates because they were platonic before, but Luhan can't be bothered to care. Minseok agreed to go on a date, and that's all that matters.

“Um, I don't know, is there any place you want to go?” Luhan asks uncertainly. He didn't think he'd get this far, honestly.

“I'm fine with anywhere as long as I'm with you,” Minseok says, giving him that adorable baozi grin of his. Luhan resists the urge to clutch his heart and cry because his best friend (boyfriend!) is so adorable. The problem, though, is thinking of a place to go.

“Okay, then...do you want to...do you want to go ice skating?” he asks, thinking of the most romantic place he can. “We can get something to eat afterwards if we get hungry.”

“Sure, that sounds fun. I’m not too good at ice skating though, the last time I went was when I was around 8.” Minseok says. “You’re going to have to teach me.”

Luhan grins. He's pretty good at ice skating, if he does say so himself. He can surely impress his new boyfriend with his skills. Sure, they’re best friends, so there’s no need to impress Minseok, really, but Luhan’s always been one to impress the people he likes. Or loves, in this case. “No problem, Minnie. I’m great at it!” he says, grinning. “I'll hold your hand the whole way!”

Minseok can't help but give Luhan an exasperated yet fond grin that has his heart skittering in his chest. “You're such a dork,” Minseok says, laughing. “But I guess I am too, for agreeing to go out with you.”

The younger male smiles, face turning red. If he has to be a dork to get Minseok to give him that bright smile all the time, then he’ll gladly be one for the rest of his life.

* * *

“I thought you were supposed to be good at ice skating, you loser!” Minseok says, laughing at the pitiful form on the ice. Luhan is on his butt, face burning from the third fall he’s taken. And it’s only been maybe ten minutes since they’ve gotten here.

“I-I am!” Luhan says, dead set on impressing his boyfriend (seriously, that label makes him so giddy). “It’s just slippery!”

Minseok laughs again, holding out his hand for Luhan to grab. He does so with his face still red, not looking Minseok in the eye. “It's supposed to be slippery, Lu. It's ice.” Minseok says, a judgemental look on his face. Luhan opens his mouth to protest again, but he loses his grip on his best friend’s hand and falls on his butt once again. Minseok nearly dies laughing.

"Don't laugh!" he whines. ashamed. He's supposed to be impressing his boyfriend, not making him laugh! Why does it have to be now of all times that his feet wobble and he slips every three minutes?

Minseok pats Luhan on the knee and pulls him up, chuckling lightly. "Do you need me to hold your hand?" he teases, tweaking Luhan on the nose. The Chinese male's face turns a bright red and he looks down, pouting. It's not supposed to go this way, he doesn't know why he's started to suck all of a sudden.

"Ah, you're too cute," Minseok says, smiling at his boyfriend's pout. Luhan brightens for a second at Minseok's compliment before he realizes that cute isn't what he's going for. He's going for manly and handsome and dependable. He's not supposed to be cute even if the compliment does make his heart flutter.

"I'm not cute," he says, still pouting. "I'm supposed to be your manly and awesome boyfriend that's perfect and good at everything."

Minseok laughs. The sound pleases Luhan's ears before he realizes that  _wait,_ his boyfriend is laughing at him for some unknown reason. Is the idea of Luhan being manly and awesome and perfect and good at everything so laughable? 

"Why are you laughing?" he asks, offended.

Minseok only laughs harder, making Luhan's ears turn red with shame. "You're such a dork, Lu," he says. "I don't want a manly and awesome boyfriend that's perfect and good at everything, I just want you."

Luhan's face turns a bright red and his heart starts pounding. What Minseok said was probably so cheesy that anyone within a ten meter radius would barf, but to Luhan, it just makes his boyfriend all the more endearing and adorable.

"See, you're blushing! That's so cute," Minseok says, pinching Luhan's cheek.

"Can I kiss you?" he blurts out for what feels like the millionth time. It's just that Minseok's lips are  _right in front of him,_ how can he resist?

"We're in a public place, Lu."

"I know."

Minseok seems to think it over for a while before pulling Luhan by the scruff of his shirt and giving him a soft, tender kiss that makes him tingle all the way down to his toes. He hadn't known that Minseok could have this effect on him, but he's glad for it. He wraps his arms around the smaller boy's waist, kissing him deeper.

Suddenly he's interrupted by a body violently slamming into his. He falls over with an inhumane cry and lands flat on his back. He swears that he can hear the ice crack a little, and his blood runs cold.

"What the fuck?" he mumbles to himself, his body aching all over. Minseok is right across from him, rubbing his back and wincing with pain. What the fuck?

He sees Jongdae standing right in front of him, holding hands with an apologetic looking Yixing. "No PDA!" he screams again, knocking Luhan on the forehead.

"What the fuck, man?" he repeats, sitting up. "Holy shit, that fucking hurt! The fuck are you even doing here?!"

"I was having an enjoyable time with my best friend and then all of a sudden I see you guys being all gross and sappy! You're in a public place, you horny shits!" Jongdae cries. Luhan glares at both him and Yixing, who just shrugs sheepishly. 

"Luhan was the one that initiated it," Minseok mumbles from the other side. Luhan cries with betrayal.

"I thought you loved me, Minnie!" he yells, shrinking away from the angry Jongdae.

"I think you need a long, painful lecture on chastity, Luhan," Jongdae says menacingly.

And even if Jongdae puts him through a long, painfully boring talk on when it's proper to make out with your boyfriend in public (which is never, according to him), seeing Minseok's gummy smile as he laughs with Yixing is kinda worth it.

Kinda.

* * *

"Hey, do you remember when I first asked you out?" Luhan says suddenly, feet propped up on Minseok's couch. The older boy is studying, hunched over his books, and Luhan sometimes wonders why Minseok asks him to come over if he mostly just studies the whole time.

"What about it?"

Luhan sighs. "You were so cute back then, you know. You'd tell me the sappiest stuff and I remember it making my day."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I was so embarrassing. I'm glad Jongdae managed to knock some sense into me about being too sappy." Minseok says, wincing.

"Well, I'm not," Luhan says, pouting. It's almost been a year since Luhan decided to randomly confess his love to a younger, more optimistic Minseok. He's a little disappointed that Minseok has stopped making out with him in public and saying the cheesiest stuff, but it's okay. "I'm sad you don't say that stuff anymore."

"What are you, twelve? Do you really need me saying corny and cringeworthy stuff all the time like I used to?"

Luhan whines, slightly hurt. "No, but I'd appreciate it," he says quietly.

There's a brief silence before Minseok sighs. "Fine, come here."

Like a puppy, Luhan eagerly bounds over to his boyfriend and plops in his lap, curling up to him and looking at him expectantly.

"I'm really glad you asked me out that day, Lu," he says quietly. "Every time I see you, I just think 'wow my best friend had the balls to say it'. And when I look at Yixing and Jongdae, I just...I'm glad you're not them. I'm glad you're you, because...well, I like you. A lot." _  
_

Luhan's heart pounds in his chest at Minseok's words, and it's such a foreign yet welcome feeling because his heart hasn't pounded because of something Minseok said in what feels like forever. He squeals and wraps his arms around Minseok's neck, nuzzling his face in his boyfriend's warm skin.

"You're so cute, Minnie! I love you!"

"Oh my god that was so embarrassing please get off me oh my god."

Luhan looks up, face red and clearly happy. That seems to weaken Minseok a little bit.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, putting on a puppy dog face.

"I...ugh, fine. I deserve a kiss after saying all that embarrassing shit."

Luhan presses his lips against Minseok's for probably the thousandth time, and it's as heart pounding and new as the first time he did nearly a year ago.

He's just glad Jongdae isn't around to throw a tomato or body slam him this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was shitty.
> 
> ah yes the xiuhan extra. idk i've kinda been working on this for a while but i was like uh what the fuck is a cute date idea.....so i remembered the time when i went ice skating for the first time and someone crashed into me and i let out an ungodly scream as i fell.....cute date idea indeed. ok yes not good at fluff but if you don't want to read on bc angst then i hope this extra changes ur mind....things will get better for people don't worry
> 
> i'll prolly post the next chapter in a week or so bc exams and suffering yay. don't be a stranger and comMENT AND GIVE KUDOS I LOVE IT AAAAAAA ok yes thank you that's all


	7. Chapter Six

Life sucks. A lot.

Losing your best friend is easy for no one, but Jongdae thinks that he has it really, really bad. Partly because he’s in love with said best friend, but also because he's been replaced. Really easily, too, by the looks of it. Yixing doesn't even look at him anymore, because he's too focused on Sehun and his stupid, pretty boy face.

(Jongdae has to admit, it had been pretty satisfying to see Sehun with gauze on his nose, even if he had gotten Yixing angrier at him. He has a pretty mean punch.)

Jongdae honestly has no idea what to do. Not just in his situation with Yixing, but also with life in general. He had spent nearly a decade being best friends with Yixing, and now that Jongdae can’t just call him up and ask him to come over, everything just seems so...quiet. And lonely. He has no idea who to call or what to do without Yixing. He has other friends, yes, but none of them are as caring or as beautiful or as... _Yixing_ as Yixing is.

“Life sucks!” he shouts, grabbing the pillow next to him and throwing it across the room as hard as he can. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

Tears prick his eyes because he’s just so damn _frustrated_ and _sad_ that he’s basically alone, but he doesn’t want to cry. Not again. If he cries anymore, he’ll probably die of dehydration.

“I’m not gonna...fucking cry,” he says, taking a deep breath. “Yixing is an asshole that doesn’t deserve my tears.”

That’s a lie. That’s definitely a lie because Zhang Yixing is precious and most definitely not an asshole. He does asshole things, like forgetting his best friend because he has a boyfriend, but Jongdae can sort of understand why. Kind of. Not really.

“Yixing,” he whines. “I love you, goddamn it, I just wish I could say it.”

He starts to remember the way Yixing’s face turned blank and empty when Jongdae told him that he wasn't in love with him, and suddenly it gets a lot harder to hold in the tears. He regrets lying to him, because even if Yixing wouldn’t have had to choose between Sehun and him, it still messed everything up.

Just when his tears are about to fall, he hears the doorbell ring.

Jongdae tries not to get his hopes up, tries not to think that it’s Yixing standing outside his door and waiting to explain or something, but it’s hard. All he can think of is seeing Yixing, so he leaps out of bed and darts towards the door, swinging it open with the same desperation and strength he used to punch Sehun.

He really shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, because it's just Luhan.

His shoulders droop. “Ugh, it’s just you,” he mumbles. His hopes are utterly crushed right now, and he hates it. He hates that he can go from depressed to hopeful in the span of a few seconds all because of one person. He hates that Yixing has so much control over his emotions.

Luhan has the gall to look offended. “Hey, your friend came over out of the goodness of his heart, and this is how you treat him?”

Jongdae just stares, unimpressed. “Look, Luhan, I’m not in the mood.”

Luhan shrugs. “I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t drowned yourself yet. You tend to do the craziest things when Yixing’s not around to keep you in check.”

“Like sleep with Junmyeon,” he mumbles to himself, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. It would be extremely embarrassing if Luhan were to see him cry.

“Whoa, hey, you were drunk. That wasn’t your fault,” Luhan says, trying to comfort Jongdae to the best of his ability.

However, Jongdae isn't an easy person to comfort. “Yixing seems to think it was,” he murmurs.

“That’s just because Yixing is going through some tough times right now! You know, I think if you just apologize, everything will turn out just fine. Come on, you’ve been best friends forever, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

It’s probably bad to be so pessimistic, but Yixing had always been the optimistic one. Without him around, Jongdae’s now allowed to be as pessimistic and self-deprecating as he wants. “You didn’t see him, Luhan,” Jongdae mumbles, looking down at his feet. “He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.”

Luhan looks like he’s at a loss for words, but Jongdae doesn’t blame him. If he had a friend that would whine to him about how shitty his life is, he wouldn't know what to say either.

“Um…” Luhan looks unsure, especially after seeing the vulnerable, teary eyed state Jongdae is in. But he seems determined to comfort his friend, so he pats him awkwardly on the back. “I don’t know what to say to that, but things will probably get better, you know?”

Jongdae nods and sniffs, trying to suck his tears in. He can’t cry in front of Luhan. “How is he?” he asks.

“Yixing? Oh, he’s just fine. Happier than ever, actually.”

A sinking feeling starts to grow in the pit of Jongdae’s stomach, and his lip starts to quiver. Luhan immediately notices the tears in Jongdae’s eyes and his own widen, alarmed.

“Shit, I’m sorry, did that make you feel worse? Oh shit don’t cry,” Luhan gasps, pulling Jongdae in for a hug. “I’m horrible at this comforting shit, goddamn it. How do you –“

Luhan’s rambles are interrupted by a pained, heaving sob from Jongdae. He bites his lip and starts stroking the younger boy’s back. “There, there, Jongdae. It’s going to be all ri –“

And that’s when Jongdae just lets it all go. He sobs in Luhan’s arms, tears and snot getting all over Luhan’s poor shirt. He just misses Yixing so much and hearing that he doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass that he ended their nearly decade old friendship hurts him. A lot. His heart feels like it’s sunken down to his ankles and he hates it, he hates himself for fucking things up.

Luhan curses as he tries to babble random, supposedly comforting words, but they go unnoticed to Jongdae. He’s never felt this heartbroken before, not even when Baekhyun had so brutally broken up with him a while back. Why couldn’t he have just figured it out sooner?

Why does he have to be so stupid?

* * *

 He really, really hates himself now.

This is what he’s resorted to, crying in his friend’s arms and hiding behind lockers to make sure Yixing and Sehun won’t see him. The gauze still taped to Sehun’s nose does make him feel a little better, but not by much. Seeing Yixing laugh and smile without him kind of just makes the pride in his chest turn into utter sadness.

But sadly, this is the only time he ever gets to see Yixing. They’re not in the same class, so he’s stuck with waiting for Sehun and Yixing to stop hanging around in front of Yixing’s locker. Sometimes they make out, sometimes they don’t. Either way, he always gets this heart wrenching pain in the pit of his stomach. It’s a mixture of jealousy, depression, and pining, and Jongdae absolutely hates it. He must be a masochist for going through that every single morning. He could just do something else while waiting to get his books from the locker, but he doesn’t.

“Hey, if it isn’t my favorite ex-boyfriend!”

Jongdae twitches at the sound of the obnoxious, loud voice, and he turns around, nothing but dread as he spots none other than Byun Baekhyun standing in front of him with his signature smile. He’s over Baekhyun, Yixing made sure of that, but he still hates seeing the guy. Anyone would, really, if their break up was as horrible as Jongdae’s.

“I’m not in the mood, Byun Baekhyun.” Jongdae snaps.

Baekhyun raises his hands. “No need to be so harsh, I come in peace.”

Jongdae glares. Why does Baekhyun only choose now to acknowledge him after their break up? He had seven months to do so, but Jongdae didn’t even get so much as a nod or greeting.

“What do you want?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I heard about the thing with Yixing – well, everyone has, really – and I know how much he means to you. So yeah, this is me checking up on your wellbeing.”

“You had seven months to do that. You could have done that after you broke up with me, but no. I didn’t get so much as a wave from you.” Jongdae says harshly. He’s not bitter, really, he isn’t. He’s just in a really bad mood.

“Aw, don’t tell me you’re still mad at me?”

“Anyone would be if they found a post it note on their locker saying ‘hey let’s break up it’s just not working anymore’.”

Baekhyun winces. “Okay, yeah. I admit I handled that kinda terribly, but can you blame me? I was head over heels for you and you never even really liked me.”

“What are you talking about?” Jongdae asks, confused. That isn’t true, Baekhyun had probably been one of the best relationships that Jongdae had ever had, which is why he had been pretty down in the dumps after their break up. How could he say that?

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that. You were like this back then, too. It was honestly really, really annoying.” Baekhyun says. At Jongdae’s blank stare, he rolls his eyes and continues. “You only ever really saw Yixing, alright? And you denied it every time I asked. It really, really sucked.”

“Wait, what?” Even back then?

Baekhyun nods. “Yeah, I mean, you’d always look for him instead of me. I could tell from the look in your eyes that you were in love with him, and I couldn’t stay in a relationship with a guy who loved someone else.”

Now Jongdae feels a little bad. “I…I didn’t know back then, though.” he mumbles. “You could have just told me and I would have done something.”

The older boy snorts. “Are you serious? You think I’d be able to tell you ‘hey you’re in love with Yixing so let’s break up’? I hated Yixing back then, my pride wouldn’t let me admit it.” he says, crossing his arms. “Also, I thought you were already with him from the way you guys were acting. I mean, you were all clingy even when we were dating, but after I broke up with you, it was like whoa.”

Jongdae remembers that. After their break up, Jongdae had been so attached to Yixing because he hadn’t wanted him to go away the way Baekhyun did. Apparently, it had been useless, because Yixing had left him, and in an even worse way than Baekhyun did.

“Was I really that obvious?” Jongdae asks quietly.

“Yeah, and you still are. Especially with the way you’ve been hating Sehun. I’m pretty sure that even Yixing’s noticed. He’s not blind to these things after all, unlike you.”

The guilt he had been feeling towards Baekhyun suddenly goes away. “Don’t mention my obliviousness to me, I’ve heard enough of that from my friends.” he says grumpily, suddenly remembering all that his friends had said. How many times had he been told ‘you’re so dense’ and ‘figure it out yourself’? Too many to count, but he still hadn’t been able to see it. He’d be amazed at himself, really, if he weren’t so sad.

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae’s heartbroken form with pity, patting him on the shoulder. “I actually came here to guilt trip you because you prioritized Yixing over me and now that you guys aren’t…whatever anymore, well…I wanted to gloat or something.” Baekhyun says honestly. Jongdae looks up, ready to defend himself and cuss him out, but the older boy continues. “But I’d feel bad about it. You’re infinitely more devastated than I was, and I’m not so much of an asshole to rub it in your face.”

“You kind of already are doing that, though –“

“So I’ll just apologize, I guess,” Baekhyun continues, ignoring Jongdae. “For that horrible break up and for not speaking to you after it. I guess I’ll apologize on Yixing’s behalf too, although it’s probably you that needs to do the apologizing. Are we good?”

Jongdae glares, but Baekhyun’s earnest stare has him feeling weak. He had liked this guy for quite a while, even if it was only platonically, so it would be good to have Baekhyun back in his life. Especially now that the most important person is gone from it. He nods, taking his hand out for Baekhyun to shake.

“We’re good,” Jongdae says. “As long as you never rub it in my face that I totally fucked things up with the love of my life, then we’re good.”

Baekhyun grins, taking Jongdae’s hand to shake it. “Deal.”

And maybe, just maybe, he feels a little better now that he has someone outside of his group of friend that he can talk to.

“Alright, let’s celebrate our newfound friendship with some food! You’re buying, okay?”

Scratch that, Byun Baekhyun is horrible.

* * *

 Jongdae seriously regrets his life decisions.

He had completely forgotten about the whole fiasco with Yifan and Junmyeon. Yes, he had been preoccupied with more important things, like trying to forget about Yixing by crying his eyes out every single night, but that isn’t an excuse. He really should have remembered.

It isn’t because he feels guilty for forgetting about their drama, no. He doesn’t feel guilty at all, really. He just wants some warning before he steps into what is possibly the most awkward situation he will ever encounter in his life.

Junmyeon is seated in Yixing’s usual spot, his nose buried in a book like always. Usually, Junmyeon sits next to Yifan, but Yixing’s absence and Yifan’s stupidity seems to have given the older boy a reason to move seats. Although Junmyeon looks like he’s focusing on his book, Jongdae knows that’s not the case, going by the way Junmyeon occasionally looks up to peek at how Yifan’s doing. He has to wonder if Junmyeon's a sadist, because whenever he peeks at the Chinese male's heartbroken puppy dog face, he gets this sinister smirk on his face that never fails to creep Jongdae out a little.

So here they are, at an awkward standstill. Minseok is focused on eating his food, probably to avoid this awkward situation, and Luhan is just sitting there and trying not to cry. Tao is doing the same, except he occasionally looks towards the cafeteria door as if waiting for someone to come in. Sehun probably. Junmyeon is pretending like nothing happened and Yifan is looking down at his feet in shame. Why did he even come here?

"Hey, Jongdae," Junmyeon calls, and Jongdae has to take a moment to praise Kim Junmyeon for breaking the awkward silence. But then Yifan is glaring at him, and  _shit_ never mind goddamn it Junmyeon you're making things worse. "Have you done your English homework yet? I could use some help."

Jongdae takes a moment to feel sorry for Yifan, who looks like he's just been shot. Yifan's the best at english among them, and he's just been so brutally ignored that it would be funny if he didn't look so butthurt. 

"Uh, not...not really?" Jongdae stammers, slightly put off by the way Yifan is managing to look so territorial despite looking so pained about three seconds ago. "I mean, I've kinda been busy?"

He's hoping that his complete lack of will to do his homework will stop Junmyeon from doing...well, whatever he's doing, but the older boy doesn't seem fazed.

"Oh okay, well, do you think you could teach me what this means? I don't get it," Junmyeon says, leaning over to Jongdae to show him his book. He hears Yifan whimper in the background and  _dear Lord_ why is this happening to him out of all people.

Also, two things.

One, Junmyeon is the student council president. This means he's automatically better at every subject than Jongdae is, who only manages to get extremely average grades.

Two, Junmyeon is holding a notebook with the words  _FUCK YOU WU YIFAN_ written over and over again in blindingly terrifying red ink. He's not exactly sure what he's supposed to explain here.

Jongdae swallows. "I think it means...um...extreme hatred for someone?" he says nervously, because going by the subtle glare on Junmyeon's face, an inadequate answer means his death.

"Oh okay! Thanks Jongdae!" Junmyeon cheers. He leans his head on Jongdae's shoulders and  _shit,_ Jongdae resists the urge to scream and run away. What is Junmyeon doing?

Suddenly, he hears Yifan growl, and  _oh._ That's what Junmyeon's doing. What is he, a dog?

(Jongdae tries to ignore the fact that he's growled at Sehun a million times when he gets too touchy with Yixing. Now that someone else is doing it, Jongdae cringes because shit it looks so stupid.)

"Dear God almighty," Minseok speaks up for the first time. "Have mercy on my soul."

The awkward tension gets even more awkward, if possible.

"Did you say something, Minseok?" Junmyeon asks innocently. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of that pathetic asshole puppy over there growling at DaeDae because it thinks that for some stupid,  _goddamned_ reason, it still has the right to get possessive over me."

DaeDae? What the fuck?

Everyone but Junmyeon awkwardly watches as Yifan twitches. Jongdae's pretty sure he sees tears incoming.

"Okay, fuck this, I'm out," Minseok says, standing up before Yifan can burst into tears or something.

"Please take me with you," Jongdae begs, standing up as well. Junmyeon frowns at the loss of his tool to make Yifan jealous, but the frown is replaced by an ominous smile mere miliseconds later.

"Actually, I think I have to go too," Junmyeon says. "Sorry about that."

"You don't need to apologize, hyung," Tao squeaks. He's been pretty intimidated by Junmyeon this whole time. Well, everyone has, really. They're all probably really glad Junmyeon has to go. "We understand."

Junmyeon gives them all a bright grin before leaving the cafeteria. Yifan sits in his seat for a brief second before he stands up to run in the direction Junmyeon had just left in.

"...how much you wanna bet he'll get one hell of an ass whooping?" Luhan asks.

"Goddamn it, Jongdae," Minseok says, ignoring his boyfriend. "Did you really have to sleep with him?"

"Hey, shut the fuck up!" Jongdae shouts, one second away from punching his friend. He doesn't like the way Minseok seems to be so accusing. "None of this is my fault!"

Minseok rolls his eyes. "It's bad enough you got Yixing to totally hate your ass, now you have to go fuck up Yifan and Junmyeon too? They were bad enough without your fucking meddling, and now they're totally fucked! How is any of this  _not_ your fault?"

Okay, wow. Minseok is now the biggest asshole on the planet, right after Sehun. Jongdae blinks back tears at the accusation. He already knows that Yixing totally hates him, does Minseok really have to rub it in?

"Fuck you!" Jongdae shouts, unable to think of anything but  _fuck you oh my god why are you being such an asshole I'm fucking_ dying  _without him and you're blaming me for shit I didn't even do!_ "I didn't do  _anything!"_

"Are you really gonna fucking tell it straight to my  _fucking_ face that you didn't make Yifan _and_ Yixing cry in the span of one night?!"

He made Yixing cry? The anger seething in his chest turns into hurt with that one revelation. He had thought that Yixing didn't care, and that had hurt. However, it hurts considerably less than finding out that he had made his best friend cry with his idiotic fucking stupidity.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jongdae repeats, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, so now  _you're_ crying? Do you think I'll stop just because you're putting on the waterworks? Do you think I'll  _pity_ you just because you can't handle Yixing not paying attention to you anymore?" Minseok steps up to Jongdae and glares so fiercely that Jongdae would be terrified if he weren't so broken. "Well,  _he_ had to  _fucking_ deal with that for  _years_ because you're so fucking dense! I don't even think you're being dense anymore, I think you're just choosing not to see it! I think you're just being a  _goddamned fucking_ asshole that breaks people's fucking hearts just because they feel like i - "

"Hyung!" Tao shouts, pulling Minseok back. Minseok looks up at the younger boy, surprised. He's about to rip his arms away, but Tao points at Jongdae shakily. "Hyung,  _stop."_

He's just staring blankly, tears streaming down his face, because  _shit_ everything hurts. He's not even really that angry anymore, not when his already broken heart has just crumbled into dust. 

"Jongdae..."

He doesn't even know who said that, because he's too busy turning around and getting ready to run. He doesn't want to see any of them. Not Tao, who looks like he might cry as well. Not Luhan, who looks utterly shocked at his boyfriend's outburst. And especially  _not_ Minseok, that  _fucking_ asshole that just spat out nothing but the truth.

He just wants to see one person. And that person probably hates his guts right now.

So he just runs. He runs out the cafeteria, and then the hallway, and then the school, and he just runs and runs until he gets to the park where everything started.

And he cries.

Again.

* * *

 

_From: fcuk uyo_

_3:45 pm_

_I'm sorry. That was really shitty of me. I don't expect you to forgive me, but you really just had to hear that. Sorry._

Jongdae gasps, breathing for air he doesn't have. All he manages is a shaky breath before he starts sobbing again. He feels like he could die of dehydration anytime soon. 

Glaring at the screen, he throws the phone onto the ground, before shoving his face into his arms and sobbing over and over again. 

* * *

 

His movements are sluggish and tired as he walks back to his house. He feels like he could collapse anytime soon, and he really, really wants to. He's so tired.

But it wouldn't really be good for people to think he's missing. He's so ready to just pass out in the middle of the street, but he's thirsty and his parents and it's just not a good idea.

He just wants to sleep. It's dark, around 8 or something (he had picked up his phone before collecting himself and getting ready to leave - he had been crying and falling asleep and then waking up and then crying again for  _hours._ ) 

He doesn't want to think about anything anymore. He doesn't want to think about Yixing at all, because even though it would make him happy for a while, he'd just get sad again and possibly cry. He,s been crying so much lately that it kinda hurts.

He sees his house in the distance, but he doesn't walk any faster. He's much too tired to do that. He just keeps his pace, slow and sluggish and - wait a minute.

His eyes must be playing tricks on him. He's so tired that he's hallucinating, because that  _cannot_ be Yixing standing in front of his house.

He walks faster.

By the time he gets there, breathless and more exhausted than ever, he realizes that oh shit it is Yixing. He holds in the urge to throw himself against his (ex) best friend and cry, because it wouldn't be appropriate anymore.

"Hey," Yixing calls.

"Hey," Jongdae says back, but he winces because his throat is dry and his voice sounds rough and gross. He must look like shit right now, his hair all messed up, dried tears in his eyes, red eyes, and snot still dripping from his nose, and here's Yixing, as gorgeous and beautiful as ever.

"You don't look so good," Yixing says.

"I know."

"Minseok told me about...well, earlier."

"Fuck him."

Yixing winces, but he says nothing about Jongdae's animosity towards their mutual friend. "Okay. Do you want to...maybe talk?"

No. "Yes."  _I'll go anywhere if it's with you._

"Alright, can we do this in my room?"

Jongdae has half a mind to say no. His heart could just break even more, and he could actually, legitimately die of dehydration this time from crying too much, but it's  _Yixing._ His best friend, the love of his life, whatever. He can't say no.

"Okay," he mumbles, bracing himself. "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey that was pretty short???
> 
> WHY DID I WRITE JUNMYEON AND MINSEOK TO BE SO HOSTILE WHAT IS THIS
> 
> feel free to hate minseok i guess? but no he has a sort of reason why he's super mean to jongdae lmao. i think. or something. it's part of the xiuhan drama lmao
> 
> oh my god okay so I might be a sadist or something. bc like...i found out that people feel bad for jongdae right...so i was like hey why not emotionally scar him forever....
> 
> I JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING DEVIATED FROM MY ORIGINAL IDEA OKAY I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GO BACK??? BC IF I WENT WITH MY ORIGINAL IDEA AFTER THE MINSEOK AND JONGDAE ANGRY THING IT WOULD BE SO ??????? 
> 
> AND NOW THE ENDING IS GOING TO BE SHIT. SO SHIT. I'M SORRRYYYYY THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. LIKE. BRUH. i mean not rlly it'll just be a little different maybe?? whatever. cries
> 
> i think i said that there would be no more drama but i lied. i'm sorry, i didn't know that drama was going to happen..... it just did oops
> 
> anyway laST TWO CHAPTERS!!! and then yixing's pov! and then taohun (yas)! and then xiuhan, chansookai, and krisho!! YAAAAAY i think i said i'd write a SHINee thing but maybe not lmao exAMS KILLED ME. i am ded


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH HOES HERE IT IS FUCKING FINALLY
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lmao good luck tho fuckers
> 
> jk i love u all it isn't that bad just stay strong
> 
> also it's kinda shitty bc i wrote 50% of it half asleep

Jongdae has to remind himself to breathe.

He wants to reach for Yixing’s hand, a familiar gesture that they had always done in the past, but he’s not sure if Yixing’s mad at him or he pities him. They’re best friends, or at least, they used to be, so Jongdae knows that Yixing wouldn’t be mad at him for something that wasn’t his fault at all. But this isn’t the Yixing he knows. The Yixing he knows loves him and would do nothing to hurt him.

So he keeps his hands to himself. They arrive in his room, and Jongdae has to stuff his fists in the pockets of his jacket to prevent himself from touching Yixing like he always used to.

There’s an awkward silence, and Jongdae resists the urge to cry again. With Yixing, there had never been anything remotely awkward, but so many things have changed, and in the worst way possible, too.

“So, um...how have you been?” Yixing asks awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s like they’re strangers rather than best friends, and he hates it so, so much.

“I’ve been good,” Jongdae lies. He knows that he looks like absolute shit, so it must be pretty obvious to Yixing that he’s lying.

“That's good,” Yixing says, biting his lip. Again, there is an awkward silence. Jongdae can’t stand it, especially since Yixing absolutely won’t look him in the eye. What was the point of this, then, if he wasn’t going to say anything? Make Jongdae suffer even more? Remind him that things won’t ever be the same between them ever again?

“How much did that asshole tell you?” Jongdae asks, unable to stand the silence.

“Minseok?” Yixing asks, scrunching up his eyebrows. “Well, not much, actually. I don’t think it was even him. I got a text from his number earlier, but it didn't say much.”

Jongdae tilts his head, confused. “Can I see?”

Yixing nods. He looks relieved that he's finally having a conversation with his ex best friend, and Jongdae isn't sure if that makes him happy or sad. He holds up his phone and Jongdae takes it, reading the text.

_From: Minseok_

_he needs you. he cried earlier bc someone said some rlly mean shit to him about you and he needs you. he really, really needs you so pls go to him. i swear i don’t have any ulterior motives, i’m just rlly worried bc he’s been so sad lately that i think he might actually die of heartbreak or smthing. you have to help him, no one else can but you._

“That’s not Minseok,” Jongdae says. Minseok isn’t that nice - Minseok is never that nice, and he doesn't type like that either. Someone else must have sent it from his phone. Jongdae sends a prayer of thanks to whoever has been silently noticing his suffering and has actually done something about it. “He was the one who made me cry, actually.”

Yixing’s eyes widen. “What? Minseok? Shit, I’m sorry. God, he’s an asshole.” he says. He twitches for a second, as if he wants to hug Jongdae or something, but he doesn’t. Jongdae notices. At least he knows he's not the only one who feels weird about not being able to touch the other. “What did he say?”

Jongdae’s lip trembles at the memory of Minseok’s words. “He said...he said that it was my fault,” he mumbles, not looking Yixing in the eye.

“What was?”

“He said it was my fault that you hate me,” Jongdae says. He can’t put into words how hard it had been to admit to himself that his once best friend hated him. “He said I fucked everything up because I slept with Junmyeon. But it _wasn't_ my fault. I was fucking _drunk_. We both were, and I thought that you out of all people would understand, but you didn't. You fucking shunned me in front of everyone and now we're not friends anymore but at least you have Sehun to help you forget that you finally got rid of me, right?” He’s bitter when he says all this, a spiteful smile on his face for the person that broke his heart.

“Jongdae, it's not like that. I don’t...I don’t hate you, it’s just...it’s just complicated,” Yixing says helplessly.

“Are you telling me you walked out on nearly a decade of friendship just because it was complicated?” Jongdae asks angrily. He's not usually this furious, especially not with Yixing, but he can't help it. The heartbreak and frustration has just been building up so much that he can’t keep any of it in.

“No, I - “

“Then what?!” Jongdae interrupts. “Do you have any idea how horrible I felt when my _best friend_ started ignoring me for his boyfriend and then suddenly ended our friendship just because I slept with some other guy? I don’t even really understand _why_ , Yixing! I’ve done it before, and you never cared then!”

“I did,” Yixing chokes. “I always did.”

"What?" Did Yixing just say what Jongdae thought he said?

"Every time there was someone else, I always...I always hated them so much. And when you hated Sehun, I thought it was like that too. I thought that there was a chance...that I had a chance." Yixing looks nervous when he says this, as if he's finally telling Jongdae a secret that he had kept for years. Which he is, Jongdae supposes.

But that doesn't mean Jongdae's not confused. "Yixing, what are you saying?"

Yixing laughs, but there's no humor in it. "This isn't an easy thing to say, especially since I've said it before and you didn't exactly react the way I'd hoped you would."

Jongdae starts to get irritated. "Goddamn it, Yixing, just say it - "

"I've been in love with you since we were twelve."

There is no hint of a lie in Yixing's eyes, but Jongdae doesn't have to look to know that his best friend is telling the truth. They are best friends, after all.

His heart thumps in his chest and for the first time in what feels like ages, he feels the same happiness he's felt in Yixing's presence before Sehun came along. He opens his mouth to say something, he isn't sure what exactly, but Yixing isn't done talking.

"But it doesn't matter anymore. I have Sehun."

And just like that, the happiness goes away.

"Yixing, wait - "

"I know you don't feel the same way," Yixing says, and if Jongdae's chest wasn't feeling extremely heavy, he would laugh at just how wrong Yixing is. "I mean, you've told me again and again, but I never listened."

Suddenly Jongdae remembers all the times he had brushed off Yixing's 'let's go out's and 'I love you's as something strictly platonic. He remembers the times he had always been so affectionate with Yixing. How must his best friend have felt, being continuously rejected by someone who seemed to be just in love with him as he was?

Again, Yixing continues talking before Jongdae can even open his mouth.

"But I want you to know it's okay. I'm okay. I'm only telling you this now because you deserve to know the reason I've been such an asshole to you. It wasn't your fault, really, it was mine, and I'm so sorry for it. For everything."

This is wrong. This is all wrong, because Jongdae can't get a word in even if he tries. He really, really wants to protest, to tell Yixing that he's finally realized his feelings so he can forget about Sehun and they can be together, but something is stopping him.

He thinks it's because Yixing looks so much happier around Sehun than when he's around Jongdae.

Yixing deserves better, Jongdae thinks, than some dense idiot that's hurt him time and time again without even realizing it. And honestly, Jongdae deserves better, too. Someone who will be patient with him.

So he doesn't say a thing.

He knows it'll hurt. But maybe he deserves it, to hurt just as much as Yixing had all these years.

"I understand if you never want to associate with me ever again," Yixing says, after a long silence. "I mean, I was really a dick to you lately. Even if I was jealous or whatever, I had no right to be because we're only best friends. And I know it's weird since you probably think of me as a brother. If we keep being friends, it'll just be awkward, and I know you hate awkward situations, so I'll get it if you're disgusted by me or whatever - "

Yixing only rambles when he's scared or nervous. He can tell that Yixing had just as hard a time as Jongdae did without the other, because they've been together for the longest time. Of course Yixing wouldn't want that to end. Jongdae knows this. They're best friends.

"Do you really think you can live the rest of your life without me?" Jongdae asks, holding back his tears and faking a smile. "I mean, who's going to stop you from running into telephone pole every time you space out?"

They're best friends, but that's probably all they'll ever be.

Yixing cracks a smile, a real one, for the first time. It's small, but after only cold, unfeeling stares from his best friend, that small smile is a welcome sight. "Does this mean you forgive me?" he asks, his voice small.

Jongdae answers Yixing by pulling him into a suffocating hug.

Yixing makes a sound of relief and relaxes in his best friend's arms. Jongdae had missed this. He had missed Yixing. He rests his head against Yixing's shoulder and breathes in his scent - dimples and sunshine and dancing and dazed smiles and Yixing. Just pure Yixing.

"I missed you," he mumbles, clutching at Yixing's shirt. "I missed you so much."

Yixing laughs, a pleasant lilting sound. He rubs his the younger boy's back soothingly and leans his head on Jongdae's own. "Me too," he whispers back. "I was so stupid to think I could ever let you go."

They're quiet for a while, relishing the solemn atmosphere of the moment. Jongdae could spend forever like this, wrapped up in Yixing and surrounded by him. It would make him forget the painful decision he's made. It does make him forget.

"I love you, Jongdae," Yixing murmurs.

"I love you too," he replies. They always say this to each other, but it's the first time both of them mean the same thing. It's the first time they're both thinking of how in love they are with each other.

But Jongdae can never, never tell Yixing that he feels the same way.

He won't.

* * *

 When Yixing's car is parked in front of his house for the first time in what feels like years, Jongdae can let himself believe that everything is back to normal. Yixing smiles, greets him, motions for him to sit in the passenger seat, and they talk about random things until they get to school. It's just like before, and Jongdae loves it.

But when they get to school, Jongdae realizes that everything is not back to normal.

Sehun is waiting for Yixing when they arrive. Normally Jongdae would be jealous, and he is, but he does nothing about it.

"Hyung!" the junior waves enthusiastically, and Jongdae absolutely despises how chipper he seems to be.

He still doesn't say anything, not even when Yixing breaks out into a big grin and waves shyly.

Sehun bounds over to the pair, and smiles at Jongdae as a greeting. Jongdae gives a tiny smile back, and Sehun has the nerve to look shocked.

"Jongdae-hyung, did you eat something bad?" Sehun asks, and Jongdae resists the urge to punch him, his fists twitching.

Yixing sees it. 

"Uh, Sehun, I kind of want to catch up with Jongdae for a little bit," Yixing says. "Is it okay if we just meet up during lunch or something?"

Jongdae's eyes widen. His plan isn't to have Yixing spend more time with him rather than Sehun. The more time Yixing spends around his boyfriend, the more he'll fall in love and forget about his feelings for Jongdae.

"Sure, hyu - "

"No, no, it's okay," he interrupts. "I have something to do anyway. You should stay with Sehun-ah."

Jongdae tries to ignore Yixing's disappointed frown.

"Okay then, I'll see you later." the Chinese male says, giving Jongdae a small smile.

Sehun waves a goodbye.

They had always spent the mornings together back when everything was still normal. Jongdae knows he was the one that separated them, but things can't stay this way. If Jongdae wants Yixing to move on from him, then they have to spend less time together.

But he's not sure if he wants that, going by the dull ache in his chest. It hurts, and he was the one who brought it upon himself.

_Why am I doing this?_

Upset, Jongdae turns to look for Baekhyun.

* * *

 "I think he avoided me this morning because of you."

Jongdae's ears perk up at the sound of Yixing's voice. Leave it to Yixing to see right through him. He peeks into the corridor and sees Yixing and Sehun with intertwined hands, a sight that never fails to make his heart clench with pain. He shouldn't be listening to this, but he wants to know what Sehun's going to say to that.

"I thought so too," the junior says. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea to befriend him again while we were still dating. It feels like you two are strangers."

Yixing seems guilty, and it makes Jongdae feel just as guilty. "Do you think he still doesn't forgive me?"

Sehun shrugs. "I doubt that. Maybe I should stay away for a while. That could improve things."

Jongdae bites his lip. If Sehun avoids both him and Yixing, then it'll be harder for Yixing to forget about him. 

"Are you sure? I mean, we haven't been dating for too long but you're caught up in all this drama and I feel bad."

Sehun laughs. "I'm pretty sure I'm the cause of some of that drama, so it's okay," he says, and Jongdae could not agree more. "Besides, I know you were beating yourself up over trying to get him out of your life. You deserve it, hyung. You deserve  _him."_

Despite his situation, Jongdae smiles. It's good to know that even if Yixing tries, he isn't able to forget about his best friend as easily as Jongdae had thought.

However, he needs to be less obvious about his trying to get Sehun and Yixing to fall in love if he doesn't want to hurt his best friend. It will be a challenge, but Jongdae's willing to do anything if it means Yixing's smiles will always be as bright as the ones he gives to Sehun.

"Sehun-ah?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being such a great boyfriend."

"Anything for you, hyung."

Jongdae thinks he's heard enough.

* * *

He never used to be, but Jongdae is slightly glad that Yixing has dance practice after school. He can spend more time with Sehun this way, and less time with Jongdae. Of course, he misses Yixing, but if he wants things to go back to how they were, this needs to be done.

He keeps reminding himself that it's better like this as he walks home, ditching Yixing after dance practice for the first time. He really needs to keep his distance, but not so much that Yixing will notice.

"Jongdae, hey!" 

Jongdae turns around at the voice of none other than Byun Baekhyun, and he cracks a smile. Normally, he'd scowl at the mere sight of his ex boyfriend, but now things are good between them, and Jongdae could use a friend other than the group of assholes he normally hangs around.

"Hey, Baek."

Grinning, Baekhyun claps Jongdae on the back, much like how Yixing normally does. He knows it's a bad time and place to miss his best friend right now, but he does. He just does. "So, where's your boyfriend? You guys seem to have made up."

All the positivity in Jongdae just disappears at Baekhyun's comment. There wasn't much to begin with, but now that he's been reminded of how his relationship with Yixing will never change, there is absolutely no more positivity left in him.

"We're just friends," Jongdae says, nearly choking on his words. "He has Sehun."

Baekhyun seems to notice the shift in Jongdae's tone, and pats his head. "Sorry, man," he mumbles. "So you're alone right now?"

Jongdae appreciates that Baekhyun hadn't pushed it. "Yeah, why?"

Baekhyun gives him that signature grin and loops his arm around Jongdae's shoulders. "Cool, because I know a good burger place that just opened up and I don't want to go in by myself and look like a loser. You look like you could get your mind off of some things, too. Wanna come with?"

Jongdae hesitates for a moment. Sure, he doesn't want to be alone right now because he most surely will end up crying or something, but Baekhyun isn't exactly someone he had wanted to spend his time with (mostly because his name wasn't Zhang Yixing), but he would still appreciate the company. Also, if Yixing finds out that Jongdae's been hanging out with Baekhyun, he'll be...disappointed, to say the least. Yixing's never really liked Baekhyun, and Jongdae's never truly understood why until now. 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "You're thinking too hard, Jongdae." he says. "It's either a yes or a no. So?" He holds out his hand, and Jongdae eyes it warily, before shrugging and taking it. What's the harm in a little catching up?

"Why not?" he asks. Baekhyun gives him a sparkling grin and tugs on his hand, leading the way for the two of them.

And if Jongdae ends up laughing really hard when Baekhyun attempts to eat his huge ass burger in one bite, he'll deny it.

Still, maybe he'll be okay.

* * *

Jongdae is as mature and level headed as any teenage boy his age can be, so the proper response to coming across a problem is definitely not to run away for someone his age. It's just too bad that that is exactly what he wants to do right now.

He's been avoiding his so-called 'friends' for some time now, Minseok and Junmyeon especially, because honestly, who wouldn't? So today is the first time Jongdae has had eye contact with one of them since The Incident.

And of course, it just has to be the worst one - Minseok.

He searches around desperately for a way to escape, but he doesn't recognize anyone around him that he can use to fend off the asshole Kim Minseok. Minseok tells something to Luhan, who nods and saunters off, which makes things even worse. Now there will be no idiot to interrupt their impending confrontation.

Minseok makes his way over to Jongdae, and Jongdae has to seriously consider running like a little bitch.

The other option is to stand his ground and just be as much of an asshole as Minseok had been to him, but he doesn't want to do that just yet. He had been hoping for Baekhyun to be with him to give him some moral support, but it doesn't look like that's happening any time soon.

Taking a deep breath, Jongdae prepares himself for what may just be the most awkward or hostile interaction he's had in his life.

"Hyung, hey!"

The voice seems to surprise both him and Minseok, because it's one they haven't heard in a while. Jongdae turns around to meet a beaming Tao and silently praises the younger boy for rescuing him from the big, bad bully that is Kim Minseok.

"Tao!" he says, nearly crying with relief.

"You said you'd meet me for lunch at my classroom, not yours!" he says, pouting.

He did? "Oh, yeah, I did..." he says awkwardly. "Oops..."

Minseok slinks away, and Jongdae has to prevent himself from yelling with triumph. Tao rolls his eyes and grabs Jongdae by the wrist, pulling him away from a disheartened Minseok. 

 _Serves you right,_ Jongdae thinks smugly.

When they've gotten away safely, Jongdae smiles at the younger boy. "Thanks, I have no idea how I would have handled speaking to that asshole." he says.

Tao nods sheepishly and shrugs. "You looked like you needed some help."

Jongdae's thankful for a moment before he realizes that Tao is a junior, and his classroom is on the other side of the building. He's grateful, but it seemed kinda weird that Tao would end up there at the right place and time.

"What were you doing there anyway?" Jongdae asks.

"Oh, uh...it's kinda embarrassing, but I just wanted to check up on you, hyung. I mean, last time I saw you, well...you weren't doing that good."

That's an understatement if Jongdae's ever heard one. Having a breakdown in the cafeteria for everyone to see is probably a little worse than 'not doing that good'. Still, he's thankful for the younger boy's concern.

"I'm just fine," he says. It's not really a lie, but at the same time, it is. Whatever, it's complicated. "Yixing and I are fine. We're friends again."

"Just friends?"

Jongdae bites his lip. "Yeah." Because that was all they would ever be. "Just friends," he says, a little bitter.

"But...but, he likes you," Tao says, looking utterly confused. "And you like him. What's stopping you two?"

Jongdae sighs. He doesn't really want to explain this, because he's pretty sure Tao wouldn't understand. "Have you forgotten that he has a boyfriend, Tao?" he asks, tired.

Tao pouts. "Of course not! It's just that...Yixing-hyung has been pining after you for years, and he's only known Sehun for way shorter than that. In terms of who he likes more, I'm pretty sure it's you, so don't give me that. He would choose you over Sehun in a heartbeat. So tell me, what really is stopping you two?"

Jongdae clicks his tongue. When did Tao get this observant?

"Fine, I thought he deserved more," Jongdae admits. Tao is just about to open his mouth, ready to protest, but Jongdae continues. "We both do. I don't think we can be together because we've made each other cry too many times to count. We're better off as friends, okay?"

"Hyung, that might just be the stupidest reasoning I've ever heard! You're both in love with each other, why should anything else matte - "

Jongdae puts his finger up to the younger boy's lips. "Tao, whatever you're thinking, I thought of it before I made my decision. And I decided not to pursue a relationship with him. It may be a stupid decision, but it's mine. And I'd like you to respect that."

Tao looks him in the eye before nodding silently. 

"Are you okay?" he asks again.

Yes _. No._ Maybe, he doesn't know.

"Not really," he answers instead. "I mean, I can't really spend time with him like before. I've been thinking of asking Junmyeon for the code to my own locker, actually." he says, because it would be so much easier on him to not see Yixing and Sehun being all lovey dovey and happy by Yixing's locker. "It would make things easier."

He knows that because Junmyeon is the Student Council President, he has the codes to the lockers. He always could have asked him for it before, but it was a lot more convenient to keep his stuff in Yixing's locker. Also, it meant spending more time with his best friend.

"So what's stopping you?" Tao asks.

"Well, it's Junmyeon. He's just as much of an asshole as Minseok is, honestly. I don't want to speak to him."

“Do you want me to do it? I could ask him for you," Tao offers nonchalantly.

Jongdae pauses. Does he? If he asks Tao to do this, it would mark the end of something that Jongdae and Yixing had shared this past year. And maybe that’s a stupid thing to get all emotional over and think about, but meeting Yixing at his – no, _their_ locker had always been an integral part of his day. If he gets his own locker, all that will be gone. Is it really worth not having to see how happy Yixing is with someone that isn’t Jongdae?

 _Yes. Definitely yes,_ he thinks.

“Could you do that for me?” Jongdae asks. He’s not as sure about his answer as he seemed to be in his head. He’s still hesitant, but if he wants things to stay the same, then some things will have to change, even if it doesn’t make much sense. “I’d appreciate that a lot.”

“No problem, hyung,” Tao says, grinning.

Jongdae has never hated yet loved how nice Tao is until this very moment.

* * *

_From: Huang Zitao_

_3:46 pm_

_1021_

_To: Huang Zitao_

_3:48 pm_

_thanks tao_

_From: Huang Zitao_

_3:48 pm_

_np hyung_

"Who are you texting, Jongdae?" 

Jongdae looks up at the curious voice of his (once again!) best friend and puts away his phone. "Sorry," he says, wincing a little. "Were you saying something?"

Yixing pouts a little, and Jongdae has to resist the urge to pinch his cheeks. "Well, I just wanted to know who had your attention for long enough that you were practically ignoring me." he says, and he seems a little irritated.

"Aww, were you jealous?" Jongdae teases.

Yixing laughs, before whacking Jongdae in the shoulder lightly. "Ow," the younger whines, but it doesn't hurt much. At least, not physically. Jongdae would have liked it better if Yixing had admitted that he was jealous, even though Jongdae's pretty sure that he probably is.

"I was texting Baekhyun," he lies, curious to see what Yixing's reaction will be.

Yixing stops walking, catching Jongdae off guard. He turns around, looking at his best friend curiously. "Yixing, what - ?"

"You're talking to him again?" Yixing asks, oddly serious. "I thought you hated him."

Jongdae shrugs, not meeting Yixing's eyes. He doesn't know why. "Well, he's not as bad as I made him out to be. And we never would have worked out the way we were, anyway. We cleared some things up, so we're...well, we're back to the way we were before." he says, remembering the way Baekhyun had told him how smitten he was for Yixing even before he had known.

Yixing continues walking, once again taking Jongdae by surprise. "Okay," Yixing says quietly.

"Okay? Is that all you have to say?" Jongdae asks, disappointed. He had wanted to see Yixing jealous.

"What do you want me to say, Jongdae?!" Yixing snaps. "Do you want me to say that I'm glad you're going out with the guy who broke up with you over a post it note and made you cry for three days? Because I would be lying then. Is that it? Do you want me to lie?"

Jongdae stares, shocked at his best friend's outburst. "I...I'm not going out with him, Yixing. We're just friends."

"Oh."

Yixing seems embarrassed now, ears turning red. "I...I thought you said..." He clears his throat. "You know what, never mind. It's good you guys don't hate each other's guts anymore."

"Were you jealous?" Jongdae asks again, but this time it's less teasing and more serious.

"No, I was just worried you'd get all sad again and cry," Yixing lies.

Jongdae knows it's a lie. Yixing knows that he knows it's a lie. He won't even bother mentioning that Jongdae 'got all sad again and cried' because of Yixing himself.

He had wanted to know if Yixing was jealous, but he had already known the answer to that. Of course Yixing is jealous, why wouldn't he be jealous of the ex-boyfriend of the guy he's in love with?

Maybe he's a masochist. Knowing that Yixing is jealous makes him so happy, but remembering that they're not going to be anything more than best friends hurts him more than it makes him happy.

Jongdae's about to reply, but his phone rings to alert him that he has a message. He unlocks it to read the message, not missing Yixing's irritated sigh.

_From: Huang Zitao_

_3:52 pm_

_you should probably do it soon or you'll end up forgetting_

"I have to go," he says. Tao has a good point.

Yixing's eyes widen. "What, to go see Baekhyun? Are you...are you going on a date or something? Are you gonna ditch me?"

Jongdae feels bad for the way Yixing seems so agitated. He decides to tell him the truth. "I wasn't texting Baekhyun, I was texting Tao. He wants me to get something he left behind from school," he says, smiling. "It just seemed like a good time to tell you that I might be hanging out with Baekhyun more often."

Once again, Yixing looks embarrassed. "You got me worked up over nothing," he sighs. "You're such a great friend."

Jongdae laughs. "I know right? I'll just come over when I get back. Don't start the movie without me," he says.

"Alright, see you."

As soon as Yixing turns around, he practically runs back to the school. It's not because he's eager to separate himself from Yixing. Quite the opposite, actually. He just wants to get this over with. He doesn't want to see Sehun and Yixing being happy and perfect in the mornings anymore.

Thankfully, Yixing and Jongdae hadn't walked very far. It isn't hard for Jongdae to make his way back to school and towards the locker he hasn't used in nearly a year.

He punches the numbers in, 1021, and opens it for the first time in a very long time. He expects it to be empty, but is surprised to find it filled with several papers. Some are post it notes, others are torn out pages from a notebook.

_What the fuck?_

Curious, Jongdae grabs a pink post it note and brings it up to his nose.

He gasps. He would recognize that handwriting anywhere.

_roses are red_

_violets are blue_

_this is really fucking cheesy_

_but i'm in love with you._

Jongdae's heart pounds at the sight of Yixing's familiar handwriting. He looks at all the papers in his locker. Are these all from Yixing?

He grabs another one.

_i can't write you good poems_

_because they're supposed to reflect_

_how much i'm so in love with you_

_but i can't produce that effect._

_no matter how hard i try_

_i just can't seem to fit_

_all the reasons i love you_

_in one stupid poem, holy shit._

_(okay that was really lame but i'm tired and i couldn't stop thinking about that one time you had stupid bowlcut. like. it looked like there was a literal fucking bowl on your head goddamn it whose idea was that. sure you were hella cute when you were pouting about how ugly it was but still.)_

Jongdae laughs. He remembers this. His mother told him he needed to get a haircut and he came out with a black bowl made of hair on his head. He had complained about it so many times, he recalls fondly, and so had Yixing. His heart warms as he reads Yixing's compliment again, and he's sure his face is red with the giddiness he feels.

He peers into the locker, eyes widening. There are a lot of notes - some of them are short and have barely any writing on them, but others are filled with paragraphs of Yixing's handwriting. Did Yixing really take the time to write all this?

It's only then that Jongdae notices a medium sized yellow post it note stuck to the door of the locker. He plucks it out and reads it.

_hey jongdae._

_so you've forgotten the code to your locker and i was supposed to remind you what it was (i'm not your best friend for no reason) but well, you're using mine so it's not like it matters anyway. also, it kinda means that i get to see you more so yay? might as well not tell you, right?_

_okay i hope you never read this, but i've decided to use your locker, since you're using mine. it's only fair, right? you're using my locker for school purposes though, and well, i'm definitely not going to be using this for anything remotely educational._

_i just need a place to keep all these notes i write you. my room won't do, because you're there half the time. i bet you're curious about the locked drawers, and we both know that if you're curious enough, you'll find a way to open it. so it's a lot safer in here, where you have no clue that anything's inside._

_if you read even just one of the notes, you'll know why i'm so secretive about this, but i'll say it here anyway. i've been in love with you since forever, but i just can't seem to bring myself to ask if you feel the same. i mean, i've hinted time and time again, but i know it's useless. i'm in love with the densest human being on the planet, so of course all this hinting won't do anything. but honestly, i've tried to tell you before. i've tried to confess, but you always just brush it off, probably because you don't see me as anything more than a friend._

_and you know, that hurts, which is why i'm writing these notes. i need some way to rant, and because you're my best friend, you're the ideal person to rant to, but i can't. not about this._

_maybe i don't want you to read these, but at the same time, i do. i want you to know how crazy i am for you but i'm scared shitless that things will change between us. i don't want that, i want us to be the way we are right now, except i just want to be able to kiss you and hold your hand and tell the whole world that you're mine. but maybe that's too much to ask for, i guess? i mean, i already have you, i shouldn't ask for more, but i am. i'm so ungrateful, huh?_

_anyway, i have to go. it's not like this is the last time you'll hear from me about this, so it's not like ending this note matters. i mean, i have a whole locker to fill with my notes to you. so, yeah, there's a lot more where this came from. sadly._

_love,_

_yixing_

Jongdae's lip trembles as he rereads the note again and again, memories of Yixing randomly saying "I'm in love with you" finally making sense to him.

_"And then I caught Baekhyun trying to cheat off of Chanyeol in the math test! I swear, he's such an idiot. Out of all the people to cheat off of, he had to pick Chanyeol? Those two are like, peas in a pod. They're both really stupid, so like - "_

_"I love you," Yixing blurts out, interrupting Jongdae's story of how the day had gone by. Jongdae blinks, before grinning and hooking his arm around Yixing's shoulders._

_"Aww, you're so cute, Xingie! I love you too, you're my best friend!" he says, ruffling Yixing's hair. Yixing frowns, shaking his head to get Jongdae's hand off of him._

_"Wait, no, that's not what I - "_

_"I'm in a good mood today! Do you want me to treat you to ice cream or something, Xingie?"_

_"...okay."_

Jongdae shakes his head to get the memory of his own stupidity out of his mind. Yixing must have suffered a lot because of Jongdae's stupid obliviousness. How had he been able to handle it? Jongdae can barely handle it, and he's only realized that he's in love with Yixing quite recently. Yixing, on the other hand, had endured it for about seven years.

"I'm sorry, Yixing," he mumbles, tears filling his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

He blinks them away before they can fall. He's not going to cry, not again. He's had enough of that.

Still, because he may be a masochist, he grabs another note, hoping for a warmth in his chest rather than the familiar pain.

_i always thought you never saw me the same way, but could i be wrong?_

_the way you kissed me that night makes my heart burst into song_

_you finally said the words i've been waiting to hear you say_

_and it really hurts to know that you don't even remember that day._

_i didn't stop you then - i couldn't, i wouldn't_

_but something inside that night told me that we really shouldn't._

_we both took it too far, but in the morning, you weren't in bed_

_and now i'm not even sure if i'm alive or if i'm dead_

_(if you're reading this, jongdae... don't get drunk ever again. please.)_

Jongdae's heart clenches in his chest when he realizes that the paper the note is written on is a little crustier than the others in some certain parts. It may be unlikely, but it seems that Yixing had gotten the paper wet, either with water or with his tears. Jongdae bets on the latter.

But he doesn't really understand the note. If Yixing's talking about the kiss from the party that seems so long ago, it doesn't make sense because Yixing had stopped him, and Jongdae definitely hadn't woken up in his bed the next morning. Sure, he had woken up in a bed, but it hadn't been next to Yixing.

Suddenly, he remembers something. Counting Junmyeon, that night would mark the third time Jongdae had woken up next to a stranger, buck naked. The first time had been Baekhyun, the third had been Junmyeon, and the second...

He doesn't know. He left without looking at the guy's face, too ashamed of himself.

What if...what if that had been Yixing?

He tries to remember Yixing's reaction the morning after that party.

_"Ugh, I swear I hate alcohol!"_

_Yixing smiles at him shakily, probably because he's got just a bad a hangover as Jongdae does. "What happened this time?"_

_Jongdae hides his face in his hands, his face turning red. "I woke up next to some stranger again," he groans. "I need to stop drinking!"_

_"Well, it's understandable to want a lot of alcohol, especially after your break up with Baekhyun..."_

_Jongdae rolls his eyes. "I'm so over him, Yixing," he says. "You made sure of that." He sends his best friend a sparkling grin to show his gratitude, but unlike other times, Yixing doesn't return it._

_"So are you gonna go out with this guy you slept with again?" Yixing asks teasingly, but there's a little bit of something Jongdae can't pinpoint in his voice. Wariness, maybe? But that doesn't make sense, why would Yixing be wary?_

_Jongdae shakes his head furiously. "No way! I don't even know who the guy is," he admits. "I left before I could see his face."_

_Yixing sighs. "I feel bad for him. He must be so heartbroken," he says quietly._

_"Why would he be heartbroken?" Jongdae snorts. "I bet he barely even knew me, whoever he was."_

_"Yeah..."_

_Jongdae doesn't notice how hard Yixing's hands are shaking._

Remembering this, Jongdae slaps himself in the face. Hard. It doesn't hurt enough to make him cry out, so it's definitely not enough. 

He's an idiot. Why does he have to be so blind?

"I slept with Yixing," he gasps. He suddenly remembers the wet dream he once had about his best friend. That hadn't been a dream, it had been a memory...

He grabs his head and squeezes it, attempting to massage away an incoming headache at the realization of his stupidity. He's not sure if that's the cause though, since it could also be his random bursts of sobbing every now and then.

What's he supposed to do now?

Sighing, he grabs another post it note.

_I'M FINALLY GOING TO DO IT. I'M GOING TO CONFESS._

His eyes widen. When had this happened?

This time, he grabs a piece of messy torn out notebook paper right beside the spot where he had grabbed the previous post it note.

 ~~_Hugs and Kisses?_ ~~ _~~Love?~~ (no that's stupid) _ _XOXO_

_An X is kiss for a soft kiss_

_An O is for a circled hug_

_Maybe you already know (yeah no you don't)_

_~~Every day~~ Day by day, I secretly wrote you a letter_

_And that’s what I wrote at the end_

_Although ~~I haven't~~ I've never given it to you_

_When I fall asleep as I think of you in my dreams_

_I open my arms and into my warm embrace_

_I XOXO you, hold you in my ~~embrace~~ arms XOXO_

_As much as I was ~~scared~~ nervous and earnest_

_~~Our lips almost meet~~ My lips almost touch yours_

_I XOXO you, every ~~night~~ day in my dreams XOXO_

_I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT JONGDAE I LOVE YOU_

Jongdae gasps. This is the song that Yixing sang to him an eternity ago. He had said it was for someone else, and Jongdae had always assumed that that had been Sehun. But thinking back on it now, he remembers Yixing mentioning something about wanting to change the fact that he wasn't Jongdae's boyfriend. But if the song had been for him, then why had Yixing ended up dating Sehun the next day?

 _Maybe the notes will tell me something,_ he thinks, grabbing another one.

_i really thought you felt something for me...i mean, the night you took my virginity, you told me you loved me, and i believed you. everyone thought you did, sehun, minseok, tao - but i guess they were wrong._

_i guess i was wrong._

_what a waste of a perfectly good song._

They’re only words on a paper, but Jongdae can feel the pain, the heartbreak behind them. 

"Why did I reject you then?" he asks himself weakly. "I was wrong, Yixing...I didn't know."

The tears fall then, but Jongdae doesn't care. He takes another note, ignoring his blurred vision.

_sehun offered to do anything to help me forget...do you think he'd make a good boyfriend?_

 

Anger boils in Jongdae's veins. What had Sehun been thinking, taking advantage of a heartbroken Yixing like that? What an asshole!

He tries to ignore the fact that he's the bigger asshole for basically leading Yixing on and rejecting him so cruelly. 

He takes the note nearest to the opening of the locker.

_i have a boyfriend now, so this is going to be my last one._

_i don't think you'll ever read these anyway, so it's not like i need to apologize for this, but it's a habit, and honestly, i'm going to miss writing these. they made pining for you a little easier, you know? just a little._

_but things need to change. i need to change. i can't stay hung up on you, it'll hurt me too much._

_still, i'm sorry._

_i love you, jongdae. maybe i always will._

_love, yixing_

Wordlessly, Jongdae takes out all the notes in the locker and stuffs them into his bag, tears still dripping down his face.

* * *

_To: Zhang Yixing <3_

_5:02 pm_

_i'm feeling kinda shitty, i'm gonna take a nap_

_From: Zhang Yixing <3_

_5:02 pm_

_you okay? want me to come over?_

_To: Zhang Yixing <3_

_5:03 pm_

_nah, i'm just gonna sleep anyway_

_From: Zhang Yixing <3_

_5:03 pm_

_okay, have a nice nap! hope you'll feel better soon_

Jongdae sighs, picking up his pen and rereading the first note Yixing had left in his locker. Yixing had mentioned that writing notes made the pining a little easier, so maybe it would be the same for him too. He begins to write, wiping away his tears in order to see a little better.

_hey, xingie!_

_so guess what i realized? i'm in love with you too! isn't that great? i'm sure it would be, if not for the fact that i realized it way too fucking late and you have sehun and i fucked up too bad._

_i know...i know you're still in love with me, but you seem so happy with him. and, well, i read your notes, so it seems like all i've caused you is pain. i think you'd be happier with him than you'd be with me._

_but honestly, there's more to it than that. i'm just scared, i guess. if i told you, and you decided to break up with sehun to be with me...then that would be great, but i'm scared of the possibility that we might break up._

_i've only been in one serious relationship my entire life, and it didn't end well, so obviously i'd be wary. it's partly that, but also because i've hurt you so many times. who's to say that i won't hurt you even more in the future? i'm just scared of that, and of you leaving me. you saw how well i managed when you said you wanted me out of your life - mental breakdowns everywhere. i wouldn't be able to handle that ever again._

_so yeah, this is just me being paranoid basically, but i can't. i really just can't._

_look, i gotta go. this headache is killing me, and at least when i'm sleeping, i can pretend that you're mine._

_i love you, yixing._

_love,_

_Jongdae_

_P.S. i loved the song._

Jongdae sighs to himself, putting down his pen. He needs a place to keep these. Maybe his locker?

He dives into his bed, trying not to cry and hoping for a dream where he's the one holding Yixing's hand instead of Sehun. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS SUPPOSED TO FINISH THIS BEFORE THE YEAR ENDED KILL ME
> 
> like i'm so sorry but like i wrote a big chunk of it but then it got deleted and i was too upset to rewrite it for a while...oops. also i think this is the longest chapter yet, bc it sure felt like it. i wrote so much in one go i think a piece of me died inside
> 
> anyway things aren't looking too good for poor bby jongdae eh? it would be funny if this was the actual last chapter and the next one is just an epilogue where jongdae is like the best man at yixing and sehun's wedding lol. i definitely wouldn't do that tho lmao. definitely not. yeah. nope.
> 
> also, GUESS WHO SENT YIXING THE TEXT FROM MINSEOK'S PHONE. idk i just want to know who you guys think it is. it could be a lot of ppl, really. it could even actually be minseok (if u like him that much to have faith in him)
> 
> if you guys are wondering why tf jongdae would not pursue his feelings even if they're mutual, well, he's an angel. he's definitely not the type to be a homewrecker even if it's requited. if you don't understand his reasoning, well, you don't have to i guess? some people just think like that, and well, here, jongdae is one of them. precious bby
> 
> side note: i rlly tried to finish this as fast as possible, meaning some parts are kinda rushed so oops sorry
> 
> yep that's kinda it. last chapter will be up soon! i'm gonna cram everything in it so like lol it might take long sorry.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE DELAY I HAVE NO EXCUSES
> 
> i felt bad for making u guys wait so i decided to just make another chapter that would be a hell of a lot shorter so i can update faster........lol sorry i'm horrible 
> 
> THIS IS BASICALLY A FILLER CHAPTER I'M SO SORRY BUT IT'S BEEN LIKE WHAT TWO MONTHS I REALLY FELT BAD

There's something different about the way Yixing holds his hand now compared to the way he held it before. Before all this drama happened, back when Yixing and Jongdae had been  _YixingandJongdae_ rather than  _Yixing(Sehun) and Jongdae,_ there had always been something tender, something fond in the way that the Chinese boy held his best friend's hand. Their fingers always used to be intertwined - Yixing's thumb resting comfortably on top of Jongdae's - and occasionally, Yixing would gently stroke the skin below Jongdae's thumb with his own. Even when Jongdae's palms had been sweaty, Yixing would always complain, but never once had he let go.

Now, there's no more intertwining of fingers, no more stroking of thumbs. Yixing simply takes his hand, lets go with a noise of alarm when he finds that Jongdae's palms are sweaty (of course they're sweaty - Yixing's around. Why wouldn't they be?), and makes no further attempt to hold his hand again. Jongdae tries not to cry or to grab Yixing's hand and demand for him to hold it properly, and he manages. Just barely.

"Come on, Jongdae," Yixing urges, wiping his hand on his shirt. It's a sight that doesn't fail to make something in Jongdae's chest clench. "I'm hungry!"

 _Oh right, it's lunch time,_ Jongdae realizes calmly, before he's reminded that lunch usually involves a bunch of assholes he had called his friends. "Wait, are we going to be sitting with Minseok and Junmyeon?" he asks fearfully. He's not ready to confront Minseok, even if things are sort of alright between him and Yixing.

Yixing smiles, patting Jongdae's back. "Don't worry, I'm not that cruel," he assures. "Sehun's good friends with Chanyeol and Jongin, so if that's okay, we can sit with them."

Jongdae sighs in relief. "Thank God, I don't think I can handle seeing that asshole ever again."

Yixing nods, walking onwards until they get to the cafeteria. There's a comfortable silence between the two, before Yixing interrupts of with a normal stupid joke of his.

"Was the sex that bad?" Yixing snorts.

"Huh?"

"You know, because you had sex with Junmyeon, and now you're saying that you can't bear to see his asshole ever agai - "

"I didn't mean it like that!" Jongdae laughs, whacking Yixing on the shoulder. He feels his heart warm at the sight of Yixing laughing wildly and rubbing his shoulder. He's just glad his best friend no longer seems to be angry about his little tryst with Junmyeon, if you could even call it that. It really hadn't meant anything to either of them.

"That hurt, Jongdae," Yixing whines, but the bright smile on his face says the opposite.

Jongdae sticks out his tongue, beyond relieved that everything feels like it's back to normal. This is how they should always be, he tells himself, joking around, laughing, and just generally being best friends.

 _Nothing more,_ he tries to convince himself.  _Nothing more._

"I hit really lightly, you're just whiny!" he exclaims, attempting to push away the sinking feeling in his chest.

Yixing pouts, and really, Jongdae hates it when he does that. Why does his best friend have to be so cute? "I'm not whiny," he mumbles. "Now come on, I'm hungry!"

"Point in case."

"Don't you mean 'case in point'...?"

Jongdae hits Yixing again, flustered. "It was a mistake, Yixing, sheesh! We're all human!" he all but shouts.

"If you two could stop your flirting, then maybe we could get to eating?"

Both Yixing and Jongdae look up at the sound of the deep voice to see none other than Chanyeol, crossing his arms with a small Kyungsoo by his side.

Jongdae swallows. "We weren't flirting..." he says, almost sadly. If only they were.

Kyungsoo whacks the back of Chanyeol's head, and Jongdae has to admit that he's surprised. With their height difference, he didn't think it possible.

"Ow! Soo, what was that for?!"

Kyungsoo clicks his tongue. "You've got no tact, you giant freak of nature."

"I've got plenty of tact - ow! Kyungsoo, stop hitting me!" Chanyeol whines, rubbing the shoulder that the shorter boy had just slapped.

"I apologize on his behalf," Kyungsoo says, looking to Yixing and Jongdae. "It's like he doesn't know that one of you has a boyfriend."

Yixing grins, and Jongdae can instantly tell that he seems to like Kyungsoo. He opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by a voice that never fails to make Jongdae's skin crawl.

"It's okay, Kyungsoo-hyung, I'm used to it. Not even I can get in between the beautiful bromance that is Xingdae," Sehun says, a nervous looking Tao on his heels. Well, not nervous exactly, more like in the middle of a freak out, probably because he's standing next to Sehun. Jongdae's almost forgotten that Tao has a huge crush on him.

Yixing pouts, walking over to his boyfriend and taking his hand. It's a simple gesture, but it makes Jongdae's stomach clench. "Don't say that, Sehun-ah," he says. "You're the only one for me."

Jongdae wants to throw something at Yixing, because that's a lie.

Surprisingly though, Sehun blushes. It seems to shock everyone, Tao especially. While Jongdae is just thoroughly disgusted, Tao's eyes widen and his arms twitch in an attempt to grab for Sehun. Presumably to engulf him in a crushing hug, going by the way Tao blushes but slaps himself soon afterwards.

Jongdae looks at Yixing to see his reaction, and immediately wishes he hadn't. Yixing has this huge smile on his face, one that shows off his dimple and reminds Jongdae of just how beautiful his best friend is.

"You're so cheesy, hyung," Sehun mumbles, but there's this sickeningly sweet smile on his face that makes Jongdae want to growl.

"Okay!" Jongdae shouts, interrupting their stupid lovey dovey boyfriend thing. "I'm hungry as shit, so if you could just take this somewhere else, then I would be very glad indeed."

"Sorry," Yixing says, smiling sheepishly, but he doesn't look sorry.

From the other side, Chanyeol snickers. "Someone's jealous." he mumbles.

Jongdae turns around, ready to wrestle that tall asshole to the ground. He's surprised to find Kyungsoo kicking Chanyeol in the knees, though.

"Ow, shit! You're so mean, Soo!" Chanyeol cries out.

"And you're stupid," the smaller boy murmurs, before offering Jongdae an apologetic smile.

Jongdae smiles back. He likes Kyungsoo.

Not as nearly as much as he likes Yixing, though.

The six of them make their way to the table where Jongdae knows Chanyeol and Jongin usually sit. He's not really against spending time with younger people like Jongin and Sehun, because it would be kind of hypocritical of him since Tao is in his group of friends, but he's a little hesitant about sitting with people he's not too familiar with. Or maybe he just doesn't want to see Yixing and Sehun together, but that's neither here nor there.

To his surprise, Jongdae spots someone else sitting next to Jongin. He doesn't know who else it could be, Chanyeol and Jongin (and now Kyungsoo, he supposes,) don't really hang out with anyone else, except - 

Oh no.

"Baekhyun?" Yixing nearly shouts, and oh God, him and Baek are friends now, but he really, really wants to punch the lights out of the other male.

"Yo, Xingie!" Baekhyun says in reply. He sees Yixing twitch at the sound of Baekhyun's loud, boisterous call and winces. He had had a firsthand experience of exactly how much Yixing hated Byun Baekhyun. Let's just say that Jongdae now knows not to date anyone Yixing doesn't approve of. And vice versa, Jongdae supposes.

Baekhyun knows just how much Yixing hates him. And Jongdae's willing to bet that Baekhyun's doing all this on purpose.

Jongin grins, that soft puppy grin of his that no one can get mad at, even if he's done something very, very wrong. Like now, for example. "Baekhyun-hyung said he was lonely, so he wanted to eat with us," the dancer says.

 _Bullshit,_ Jongdae thinks, because Baekhyun always has other friends. Taehyung, especially.  _I bet he just wants to fuck things up._

And by the grimace on Yixing's face, Jongdae can tell that he's succeeding.

"Alright, I'm hungry!" Chanyeol whines, oblivious as usual to the slight tension in the air. Ah, good old Chanyeol. "Let's stop with the chit chat and eat!"

Before Yixing can claim his usual spot next to Jongdae, Baekhyun makes a point of getting out of his chair and claiming the seat, sending a sparkly grin in Yixing's way. Jongdae seriously wants to hit his ex boyfriend, he's really just making things worse. Clearly irritated, Yixing makes a move to sit on Jongdae's other side, but it seems that Kyungsoo has already taken the spot.

Shit. Just when he was starting to like Kyungsoo, too.

"Oh, I can move, if you want," Kyungsoo says to Yixing, earning a whine from Chanyeol who has just taken the spot next to the shorter boy.

Yixing shakes his head, smiling amicably. "No, it's okay," he says, before taking a seat next to Sehun.

Jongdae knows that it makes sense for someone to sit beside their significant other, but it still upsets him. He tries not to let it show, but it must not work very well because he sees Baekhyun staring at him almost thoughtfully.

They all begin to unpack their lunch and start eating, making small talk about homework and tests and usual student stuff. Jongdae's just glad Sehun and Yixing aren't being openly affectionate, probably because Yixing looks too aggravated by Baekhyun's presence.

"So," Baekhyun starts, and everyone just knows that he's going to start fucking with either Jongdae or Yixing. Both, possibly. Goddamn it, Byun Baekhyun.

But then he surprises everyone by pointing his chopsticks at the maknae of the group. "How have you been, Sehunnie?"

Sehun stops eating to raise an eyebrow at the older boy. "I've been fine," he says suspiciously. "Why?"

Baekhyun grins, an evil, sick, cunning grin that would make Jongdae want to slap it off, except that grin is directed to Sehun. Jongdae can't help but think of how refreshing it feels now that Sehun has someone fucking with him in the same way he used to fuck with Jongdae.

"Oh, nothing," Baekhyun says innocently. "Just wondering if you've been to any good parties lately."

Immediately, Sehun's face drops. Yixing looks at him curiously before the younger boy manages to take a deep breath to look Baekhyun in the eye. "Hyung, please don't do what I think you're doi - "

"I mean, after all," Baekhyun sings, "We did get to know each other in more ways than one at good parties, right?"

Jongdae's eyes widen comically. He had known that Baekhyun had the tendency to look for someone to sleep with at parties, and so had Sehun, but he never really thought of the two of them together. Judging by the horrified look on Yixing's face, the Chinese male hadn't thought that way either.

"You...you slept with Baekhyun?" Yixing exclaims. The rest of the table quiets down at the tension, especially Tao, who looks upset. 

Sehun shakes his head adamantly. "Wait, hyung, it wasn't the way you're thinking it is - "

"Aww, Sehunnie, are you denying our love?" Baekhyun interrupts yet again. "I seem to recall the two of us comforting each other during our times of broken hearted need."

Yixing looks sick, and he moves away from Sehun. "What the fuck are you saying, Baekhyun?" he demands.

"Hyung, no - "

"I'm saying Sehun fucked me so I could get over Jongdae there, and he could get over his one true love."

Yixing pales. Jongdae remembers that. After he had gone to a party, he had seen Baekhyun making out with an unknown stranger, and Yixing had ended up bringing him home crying his eyes out, absolutely wasted.

Yixing clenches his teeth. The memory probably isn't too good for him, either.

"Hyung, I'm sorry, but that was before we started dating," Sehun says accusingly. "You can't blame me for that."

Yixing gives his boyfriend a cold, hard look. "We're not fighting here," he says through gritted teeth. He grabs Sehun's wrist and drags him out of the cafeteria, leaving behind a grinning Baekhyun, an ecstatic Jongdae, and four other very confused people.

There's a very awkward silence.

"Did that...did that just happen?" Chanyeol asks, clearly shocked.

"It did," Jongdae affirms. "And now I have to talk to Baek about it."

He grabs Baekhyun by the wrist, not unlike the way Yixing had grabbed Sehun, and pulls him out of the cafeteria.

"What the fuck was that?" he demands, once they're in the safety of an empty bathroom.

Baekhyun shakes his head, smiling. "Oh, come on. I know you thoroughly enjoyed that."

Jongdae clenches his fists, because Baekhyun's right. He can't lie about how absolutely overjoyed he was at the sight of the two of them fighting. "Okay, but...but did you see how upset Yixing looked?! That was such an asshole thing to do!"

"You're smiling, Dae," Baekhyun points out. 

Jongdae actually tries to wipe the smile off his face. "Well, you can't blame me! They always seem like the picture perfect couple, and seeing them fight was...well, fucking  _awesome,_ but I don't want to jeopardize their relationship! Yixing seems so happy now, and I want to keep him like that, so you shouldn't fuck them up!" he yells, but both he and Baekhyun know that there's no real malice behind it.

"You sure?" Baekyun asks.

" _Yes,_ I'm sure!"

The older boy shrugs nonchalantly. Normally that would make Jongdae want to punch him, but now he can't seem to bring himself to do it because he's too happy with what Baekhyun's done. Which is just weird, because he's decided not to interfere with Sehun and Yixing's relationship, but now that someone else has, he's overjoyed. "Alright then, but if you're not gonna let me do anything about them, then at least let me do something about you."

Jongdae looks at his ex boyfriend suspiciously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Baekhyun sighs dramatically. "I wanted to break them up so you could finally have your man back and stop being so sad, but since you so kindly advised me not to, then Plan B is for you to move on so you can stop being so sad."

Jongdae's eyes widen in disbelief. "You mean like _date_ people?" He makes a face, making sure to express his disgust. "Ew!"

Baekhyun laughs. "Yes, you ten year old. I meant dating."

"But I don't think getting into a relationship is such a good idea after what just happened."

"Yixing did it," Baekhyun snorts. "And he seems just fine."

Jongdae glares, he doesn't want Baekhyun to ruin his good mood right now. "Look, I don't want to, Baek. I mean, I'm perfectly fine right now. Why do I need a relationship?"

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. "Going by the eyebags you've got, then I'd say no, you don't look perfectly fine."

Jongdae scowls, rubbing his eyes."Okay, but how would dating fix anything?"

"You'd be surprised."

Jongdae shakes his head, absolutely adamant in his decision not to use someone as a rebound for all these fucked up feelings he has. Just because it worked for Yixing doesn't mean it will work for him. "I'm not doing it, Baekhyun. And that's final."

Baekhyun shrugs, but Jongdae has a feeling that this isn't the last he'll hear of this.

* * *

"Sorry about earlier."

_"It's fine, Sehun and I worked things out. I was being unreasonable anyway."_

Jongdae pouts to himself. He had been hoping that the argument would last longer, but they don't seem like the type of couple to drag things out. He lays his head on his pillow and puts his phone on speaker, placing it beside him. It's kind of stupid, but hearing Yixing's soothing voice, even if it's just over the phone makes him feel better. With Yixing's voice coming from right beside him, it's easier for Jongdae to imagine that Yixing is right beside him, listening to him speak.

"That's good, but like, about Baek, I just - "

_"You're not dating him, right?"_

Jongdae raises an eyebrow at the interruption. "No...?"

_"If you're just friends with him, then it's okay. I don't really mind."_

Jongdae laughs, thinking back to Yixing's annoyed face at the appearance of Baekhyun. "You hate him, of course you mind." he chides. "It's not good to lie, Xing."

_"Okay, fine, I hate him. But you like him, I guess, so I'll tolerate him for you. As long as he doesn't break your heart or anything like that ever again, then I won't kill him."_

"That's comforting. It's like me with you and Sehun all over again," he jokes.

Yixing laughs, and Jongdae's heart warms. He can tell that his best friend's glad that Jongdae can joke about this now, like it's a thing of the past. Even though it really isn't.

 _"I'm glad we're okay,"_ Yixing says quietly, after he's finished laughing. _"I really did miss you."_

Jongdae grins. He feels like his mouth is stretching so wide that it hurts, because his heart won't stop pounding. "I missed you too," he whispers back. It's like a secret, like they weren't allowed to miss each other but they did anyway.

_"I'm really sorry."_

"It's a thing of the past, Xingie. It's fine," he says reassuringly, hoping that Yixing will believe that he shouldn't be apologizing anymore.

_"Can I come over?"_

Jongdae's heart stutters in his chest at the innocent question. "It's one in the morning, Yixing." he chides, hoping Yixing won't hear the pounding of his heart. "My parents are asleep."

 _"Oh, yeah...sorry, I lost track of time. I just felt like seeing you."_ There's a cute yawn over the phone, and Jongdae grins.

"Sleepy?"

_"Mm, yeah."_

He thinks his heart might explode from all the fondness he feels for this boy. "Then sleep, doofus."

_"But I want to keep talking to you."_

Jongdae smiles. Whenever Yixing is sleepy, he always gets strangely sentimental, and Jongdae never knew the reason until quite recently. "Don't blame me if you fall asleep in class then."

_"Of course I will! If Mr. Kim gets mad at me, then I'll tell him it's because you kept me up all night."_

Jongdae bursts into laughter.

_"Wait, that sounded wrong..."_

"Sleep," Jongdae reiterates.

 _"...fine, but you have to keep talking._ _I want to fall asleep to your voice."_

"So needy," Jongdae tuts, but he's smiling widely. "Next thing you know, you're gonna ask me to sing you a lullaby."

_"Can you do that, actually? It doesn't have to be a lullaby."_

"I totally saw this coming."

_"Come on, Dae, please? You know I love it when you sing."_

Jongdae grins, relenting. The perfect song for this moment comes into his mind, and he tries to remember the bits and pieces that he can. It's not hard though, because he always reads the lyrics over and over again, so remembering them is easy.

“An X is kiss for a soft kiss

An O is for a circled hug

Maybe you already know

Day by day, I secretly wrote you a letter

And that’s what I wrote at the end

Although I’ve never given it to you

When I fall asleep as I think of you in my dreams

I open my arms and into my warm embrace

I XOXO you, hold you in my arms XOXO

As much as I was nervous and earnest

My lips almost touch yours

I XOXO you, every day in my dreams XOXO”

If Yixing realizes what song he's singing, then he doesn't show it. Before Jongdae can continue, he realizes that Yixing has fallen into a deep sleep, his breathing slow and steady.

Grinning, Jongdae grabs a post it note from his table.

 _i'm so in love with you, i swear,_ he writes. He'll stick it up in his locker tomorrow.

He lays back down on his bed, still listening to Yixing's steady breathing. He doesn't hang up, just listening to the sound of the love of his life peacefully sleeping. He doesn't close his eyes until the sun has already come out.

Jongdae ends up being the one to fall asleep in class the next morning.

* * *

"You're whipped," Baekhyun sighs, watching as Jongdae writes another letter for Yixing that he'll hide in his locker.

"Am not," Jongdae says.

Baekhyun grabs the paper. _"You piece of shit,"_ he reads aloud. _"I hate you. You should really stop being so cute, it's unfair. You're doing all these things to me, and it's not fun. If you weren't so goddamned cute, then I swear I'd fight the shit out of you, you fucker - "_

Jongdae screams, face turning red. He dives towards Baekhyun and reaches for the paper, extremely embarrassed. "Don't read it!" he yells.

 _"I cannot tell you_ \- ow! - _how_ _many times I've thought about_ \- Jongdae! -  _about kissing the shit out of you because_ \- "

"Byun _Baekhyun!"_

 _"Because_ \- hey, stop, that tickles! - _because your lips are so fucking pink and_ \- "

"Um, am I interrupting something?"

Both Jongdae and Baekhyun whip their heads to the side to see a confused Yixing. It must look strange to him, seeing his best friend's arm around his ex's waist, the other arm reaching for a piece of paper that said ex is trying to get away from him.

Before Jongdae can get a word in, Baekhyun interrupts him. 

"Yes, you were interrupting a very stellar love letter reading session."

Jongdae's eyes widen and he hits Baekhyun. Why would he say that in front of Yixing?!

"Love letter? By who?" Yixing asks.

"No one important, Xing - "

"None other than our dear Kim Jongdae, of course!" Baekhyun exclaims. Jongdae really, really wants to kill him right now.

Yixing's eyes widen. " _To_ who?" he turns to Jongdae, an adorably stunned look on his face. "Jongdae, you...you like someone?"

Jongdae turns red. "I don't! Baekhyun's just kidding!" he lies. He's just hoping Baekhyun won't do what he thinks Baekhyun is going to do, because he had already told his ex boyfriend that he didn't want to jeopardize Yixing and Sehun's relationship, and doing this would definitely do just that.

"Don't lie to your best friend, DaeDae!" Baekhyun mock gasps. "I mean, it's pretty obvious who you have feelings for!"

"Don't you  _dare -_ "

"Me, of course!"

Both Jongdae and Yixing blink at Baekhyun's claim, before the reality of what he had just said sinks in.

"Jongdae, I thought you said you two weren't dating!" Yixing says, almost angrily.

"We're not!" Jongdae sputters. He's glad that Baekhyun hadn't told Yixing the truth, but why did he have to say that instead? Now Yixing is going to be jealous. "Baekhyun, shut up!"

Baekhyun tuts. "It's not good to lie, Dae," he chides. "I mean, my name is written here, clear as day. Look, see?"

Jongdae rips the letter for Yixing away from Baekhyun's hand. His eyes widen when he sees that Baekhyun is telling the truth, his name is indeed written at the bottom. He looks at Baekhyun in shock and sees him grinning wildly, twirling a pen in his hand. When did he even...?

Yixing glares at Baekhyun, at both of them. "This is a joke," he says, but it seems like he's trying to convince himself rather than the two of them. "You're just fucking with me. Jongdae wouldn't date you ever again!"

"Technically, we're not dating yet," Baekhyun says. "I haven't replied to his touching confession. But well, you never know! So don't lose hope, okay, Jongdae? I might change my mind." He gives Jongdae a wink, but the younger boy can't do anything but stare confusedly. Surely, Yixing can't believe that Jongdae still has feelings for the guy that so brutally broke up with him?

"Can I talk to you in private, Jongdae?" Yixing asks through gritted teeth.

Apparently, he does.

Before Jongdae can get even a single noise of protest in, Yixing grabs him by the wrist and drags him away from a smirking Baekhyun.

Jongdae barely gets to see Baekhyun mouth a 'you're welcome' before Yixing pulls him far, far away.

You're welcome? Why would Jongdae be thankful for this? He doesn't need another angry confrontation!

When they're far enough for Yixing, the Chinese boy crosses his arms. "I thought you were smarter than this." he says sternly. "You know how he is, he just probably wants to fuck with you!"

Jongdae raises his hands exasperatedly. "You didn't even let me explain!" he protests.

"I don't think I need any explanations, I know what I saw!" Yixing shouts. "What are you gonna do if he hurts you again? I don't want to see you go through that a second time!"

Jongdae's absolutely touched, but Yixing's got it all wrong. "Look, it was just a misunderstanding. That note wasn't for him. I don't like him that way anymore, okay?"

Yixing raises an eyebrow. "His name was on it though."

Jongdae sighs. "He wrote that himself so he could fuck with you! You know how he is," he explains, and he feels relieved when he sees Yixing relax.

"Well, if it wasn't for him, then who was it for?" Yixing questions.

Shit.

Jongdae gulps. It appears that he's just dug a hole for himself. Maybe he should have stuck with the liking Baekhyun explanation...

"Um, well, you see...it's...uh..."

Yixing taps his foot impatiently.

"Look, you don't need to know!" Jongdae shouts after a while, shoving Yixing away. "It's not a big thing anyway, it's just a crush!"

That may just be the biggest lie he's ever told.

"What? Come on, Jongdae, tell me! I'll be okay with anyone as long as it's not Baekhyun!" Yixing whines.

Jongdae calls bullshit. No matter who it is, Yixing will probably still not approve because he'd be jealous. Jongdae knows this, because it's the same for him. No matter who Yixing dates, he's not going to like them if it's not Jongdae himself.

"It's a secret," Jongdae mumbles.

"What?! Don't give me that! We're best friends, you have to tell me!"

"You didn't tell me you liked Sehun," Jongdae retaliates. Pulling the best friend card is just unfair. 

Yixing stops to think for a second. "But you were gonna find out anyway!" he protests after a moment of thinking.

"I had to find out for myself by seeing you make out with him, so this is payback." Jongdae says smugly, but really, he's just glad he has an excuse not to tell Yixing. Damn Byun Baekhyun for putting him in this situation.

Yixing pouts, and Jongdae's almost tempted to give in. "That's cheating! Why can't you just say it?"

Jongdae shakes his head. "Nope," he says. "I am absolutely not going to tell you."

"I won't know, but Baekhyun knows?" he whines. "Some kind of best friend you are."

And of course, Baekhyun's back in the discussion. Yixing really does seem to loathe Jongdae's ex boyfriend. "Baekhyun doesn't know," he lies, feigning irritation. "He just wanted to get me to admit who it was."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me, though," Yixing says pathetically. He's probably run out of arguments, and everyone knows it's useless to fight Jongdae on something he's really adamant about. This counts as one of those things, and Yixing knows that. 

"Not now," Jongdae says sternly. "Now's not a good time."  _Never is a good time,_ he thinks.

Yixing pouts, but he seems to let it go. "You promise you'll tell me, though?"

Jongdae bites his lip hesitantly. He doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep.

_"Jongdae."_

Jongdae sighs. "Fine, fine." he relents. "Just not now." Maybe he'll tell Yixing when he and Sehun are already married, and Jongdae hopefully has someone else.

He can't imagine anyone other than Yixing though, and the thought depresses him. He's not sure if he can handle this, but this is the choice he's made. He knows it's not too late to change his mind, but he won't. No matter how much he wants to.

"You promise?" Yixing asks, as if he knows that Jongdae's thinking twice about it. And he probably does know. They are best friends for a reason, after all.

"I promise," Jongdae mumbles.

He tries to ignore the way Yixing subtly glares at everyone Jongdae hangs out with after that.

* * *

_it's you, you idiot. how could it be anyone else?_

* * *

"The life of an emotionally taken single person is difficult," Jongdae comments to Tao. They're both waiting for Yixing and Sehun to finish with their dance practice, along with Kyungsoo.

Tao nods in agreement. He opens his mouth to say something, but Kyungsoo interrupts him, surprisingly.

"Oh, I definitely agree." he says from Jongdae's other side.

Jongdae's eyes widen. He hadn't thought that Kyungsoo liked anyone. Tao seems just as surprised, leaning forward to question Kyungsoo.

"Hyung, you like someone?" Tao asks.

Kyungsoo shifts uncomfortably, as if he's ashamed of himself for speaking out loud just a few seconds ago. "Uh, yeah, I guess..." he mumbles.

Jongdae faces Kyungsoo then, extremely curious. "Anyone we know?" he asks. Kyungsoo doesn't seem like the type to like anyone, really. He seems more like the type to hate everyone.

"No one in particular - "

"I bet it's Jongin!" Tao pipes up, looking excited.

Jongdae's eyes widen in delighted surprise when he sees Kyungsoo look away, avoiding Tao's eyes. Jongin and Kyungsoo, huh? They seem like a good match, and they seem really close, too.

 "I was right!" The youngest of the three chirps. "Hyung, you should go for it! I'm pretty sure Jongin likes you too!"

Kyungsoo laughs, but it looks a little sad. Tao doesn't notice this as he pipes on and on about how Kyungsoo should totally go for Jongin, and Jongdae has to stop him.

"Okay, that's enough, Tao. I bet you wouldn't like it if I teased you about Sehun, so leave the poor man alone." Jongdae says, and when Kyungsoo shoots him a grateful look, he smiles back. It's his way of thanking him for stopping Chanyeol from being too annoying, he supposes.

It's that moment when Sehun, Yixing, Jongin, and a bunch of other students exit the practice room, and Jongdae internally laughs at how all three of the people they have feelings for are in the same club. It's kind of like a triple date, except it's not a date and all the couples are sadly unrequited.

"Hyung, you waited for me!" Jongin chirps upon seeing his shorter upperclassman leaning against the wall. His eyes are bright and he looks like am overexcited puppy. It's kind of obvious that Jongin absolutely adores Kyungsoo, so Jongdae has no idea why they aren't together yet, but to each his own. 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "You asked me to. Of course I would."

Jongin grins, making Sehun stick his tongue out in disgust. "Ew, couples," he says to Yixing, who laughs at Sehun's disgusted face.

Filled with rage at the several memories he has of being a third wheel, Jongdae glares at Sehun. "Look who's talking," he says bitterly. "How many times have I had to watch you two making out in front of me?"

"Too many to count," Tao agrees.

Sehun sees Tao then and bursts into a big smile. "Oh, you're here too!" he says. "Hopefully you don't have any more ulterior motives."

Jongdae stares, confused. Ulterior motives? Since when does Huang Zitao, an actual child, have ulterior motives?

Tao blushes. "No, that was a misunderstanding! Hyung, tell him!" he says to Yixing.

Yixing thinks about it for a while. "I don't know, Tao, you seemed kinda sketchy to me," he teases, which is obvious from the large smile on his face.

Still, Tao splutters. Jongdae has no idea what they're talking about. 

"You know, hyung," Jongin says randomly to Kyungsoo, interrupting the other ongoing conversation. No one really looks like they mind, though. "You should try dancing with us. When we're bored, we try to teach our choreography to Tao, Jongdae-hyung and some other guys."

Kyungsoo laughs, shaking his head. "Oh no, I can't dance."

Yixing snorts. "Probably can't be any worse than Jongdae." he mutters, more to Sehun than to everyone else.

"Excuse you, I heard that!" Jongdae pouts. "And I happen to be a dancing machine." 

Everyone rolls their eyes, except Kyungsoo, who just laughs. "You're weird, Jongdae," he says, but there's a hint of amusement in his voice that says he means it as a compliment.

Jongdae grins. "And you're cute," he says jokingly. Well, not really, because Kyungsoo is cute, but he means it in the most platonic of ways.

Yixing doesn't seem to realize this, however, going by the way his eyes widen, and the way he grabs Sehun's arm and squeezes it, biting his lip.

Jongdae doesn't see any of that happen, but he finds out about it anyway.

* * *

"So, Kyungsoo, huh?"

Jongdae looks to his best friend confusedly. "Sorry, what?"

Yixing has a tight look on his face, but he looks like he's trying to keep it as neutral as possible. "You like Kyungsoo, right?"

Jongdae's eyes widen. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

Yixing shrugs. He's clearly trying to be nonchalant about this, but he's failing horribly. "I just had a feeling. You were flirting with him earlier."

"Was I?" He doesn't really count a compliment as flirting, and he hadn't been aware that Yixing had.

Yixing ignores the question, instead choosing to look at his shoe. "He's a good guy," the Chinese male mumbles. "You should go for it."

The jealousy is evident in his voice, and Jongdae has to wonder why he had never noticed it before. All those times he had talked about his past relationship with Baekhyun, why hadn't he noticed Yixing's blatantly obvious jealousy back then? Maybe it would have made things so much easier.

"I don't like him," Jongdae says.

Yixing doesn't seem to believe him. "Who else could it be, then?"

Jongdae tries to think of an excuse, but the silence seems confirmation enough for Yixing.

"I'm just saying," Yixing murmurs. "If you want to ask him out, you have my approval. He's not Baekhyun, so I guess it's okay."

Jongdae sighs. It doesn't seem like Yixing will listen to anything Jongdae has to say about this, so he just decides to play along.

"I'll think about it," he says. Maybe it's for the best. Now Yixing can stop bugging him about who he likes, and Jongdae will stop having the urge to scream that he's in love with Yixing every single time. It'll be easier this way.

Except it's not. Jongdae can't help but feel guilty every time he sees the look on Yixing's face whenever Jongdae mentions anything remotely Kyungsoo-related after that little confrontation. He doesn't lie to Yixing a lot, and he's reminded of why whenever he sees the badly hidden jealousy in Yixing's face.

Things get awkward between them, too. Yixing's always curious about why Jongdae hasn't asked Kyungsoo out already, and it just makes the guilt even worse. It's not a good feeling, because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his last year in high school feeling guilty about lying to Yixing. It's probably going to continue up until college, too, because he and Yixing had agreed a long time ago that they would enter the same college.

But he doesn't get to clear it up - so it lasts until the last few weeks of high school, the constant feeling of guilt and pining for his best friend.

* * *

"We're graduating soon," Yixing says, as if Jongdae needs any more reminder.

He nods. "How are you and Sehun gonna work out?" he asks, even though he doesn't really want to know. It just seems like the proper thing to ask.

Yixing shrugs. "I'll have more free time, so I'll still get to see him a lot, right? We'll be fine."

"That's good," Jongdae says, but it really isn't.

"Are you really not gonna tell Kyungsoo?" Yixing asks suddenly.

Jongdae sighs. He's tired of talking about this. "I'm not looking for a relationship," he explains, which is true. If it isn't Yixing, then he doesn't need a relationship.

Yixing smiles, and Jongdae tries not to think about how ecstatic Yixing must be to realize that Jongdae isn't going to act on his supposed feelings. It'll just make him feel guilty, and it'll make him want to tell Yixing about who he actually has feelings for.

"Maybe that'll change in college," Yixing says encouragingly, but before Jongdae has a chance to reply to that, Yixing's phone rings, alerting him that he has a message.

Jongdae waits patiently as Yixing pulls out his phone to check the message.

"Oh," the Chinese male mumbles. "Tao just reminded me about something I need to do. Do you mind if I take off for a bit?"

Jongdae shrugs. "I'll just be waiting at home, so yeah, I guess."

Yixing smiles, before waving a goodbye and heading back to the direction of the school. 

Jongdae sighs. He really wishes he had never lied to Yixing. It's just making things complicated.

* * *

 Jongdae wakes up to the sound of someone banging on his door. As soon as Yixing left to do his errand, Jongdae had taken a quick nap while waiting for his best friend to arrive. That must be him now, so Jongdae sleepily trudges over to the door and opens it.

All traces of sleep fly away when he sees a red-faced Yixing, holding a pile of ripped notebook papers and sticky notes that look very, very familiar standing outside his door.

Oh shit.

"Yixing," Jongdae says, his voice shaking. "Are those...?"

Yixing takes one of the sticky notes on his palm and shows it to Jongdae.

_i feel like a middle school girl because i'm writing secret love letters to my best friend. ugh, i'm so embarrassed._

_yixing, this is all your fault. why do you have to be so cute?????!!!??!_

Jongdae's eyes widen. Why did he have to be stupid?! If he puts notes in his locker, then of course Yixing would find them!

"So," Yixing says. He's trying to keep his voice steady. "Care to explain?"

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok the last chapter is short. basically just the confrontation and then the aftermath. SORRY I LOST MY GROOVE FOR THIS FIC AND I'M TRYINF TO GET IT BACK DON'T WORRY I WILL FINISH THIS EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. WHICH IT PROBABLY WILL. LOL.
> 
> omg and i'm so pissed bc i barely ever mentioned that they were graduating but they're seniors so ugh i'm sorry 
> 
> but i really rushed this and i'm sorry.......i feel so bad guys huhuhuhu im sorry i love u all IM SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SO SHITTY I SUCK


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUGGESTION READ THE LAST CHAPTER AGAIN (unless you've practically memorized it already bc i'm an asshole that hasn't updated for literal months) IT FEELS KINDA AWKWARD IF U DONT (or maybe thats just me)
> 
> LAST ONE HOLY SHIT THIS ONE FUCKING KILLED ME I'M SORRY....I LOVE YOU ALL THANK U FOR WAITING SO PATIENTLY (or maybe not patiently bUT STILL THANK U SO MUCH U GUYS R D BOMB)
> 
> legit tho...i would like to sincerely apologize.... i have no good excuses...... i am Horrible. lmao its nearly been a year since i started this oh my god
> 
> also i'm sorry i haven't replied to comments kinda ded so many things going on but not really

"So, care to explain?"

He can't believe this is happening. He  _can't_ believe this is happening. He cannot  _believe_ this is happening.

Yixing obviously knows Jongdae's locker code, so why the hell had he been stupid enough to put his notes in there, where Yixing has easy access to them? _Stupid, Kim Jongdae. Stupid,_ he scolds himself. But no matter how many times he mentally punches himself in the face for not thinking, nothing can change the fact that Yixing is standing in front of him right now, demanding an explanation for why Jongdae had written him secret love letters.

"Uh," he stammers, trying to wrack his brain for a suitable explanation. "A-April Fool's!" he shouts, eyes wild and panicked.

"Jongdae, it's February." Yixing says, clearly unimpressed. "Please just stop with the bullshit."

Shit, that didn't go so well. He bites his lip and tries to think of an excuse, of any other excuse that will make Yixing believe that he's not actually in love with him. The only problem is that he's not thinking that hard, because he kind of wants Yixing to know. He had told himself that he would keep it a secret, and he had, but it had been much more difficult than anticipated. He's not sure he can handle not telling Yixing anymore.

At Jongdae's silence, Yixing decides to ask another question, one that's easier to answer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Okay, that's a good question. Jongdae can answer this one. "You have a boyfriend," he says. "Of course I couldn't tell you."

"But you knew I felt the same way," Yixing says, a little exasperated. "You knew that I was so stupid over you, but you didn't do anything. You saw my notes, didn't you?"

Jongdae gives him a small nod, finding it hard to form words right now.

"Then why didn't you just tell me instead of writing all those notes?"

Jongdae bites his lip. "You just seem so happy with Sehun, alright? Happier than when you're with me. I just...I just couldn't," he mumbles.

Yixing laughs, but it's not a happy laugh. It's one that makes Jongdae feel guilty for all the pain and confusion that he's caused his best friend. "Jesus, Jongdae, _I'm in love with you,"_ Yixing says, and hearing it directly from him makes Jongdae's heart pound in his chest like never before. He thinks it might actually just jump out of his chest with how fast it's beating. "Do you seriously think that being with Sehun could ever compare to how happy I would be if I were with you?"

Jongdae may be dying from the sheer cheesiness of Yixing's words, but that doesn't stop him from questioning Yixing's intentions in dating Sehun.

"Don't you like him?" Jongdae asks. 

"Yeah, but I don't  _love_ him. No one could compare to you."

Jongdae bites his lip. His resolve weakens at the sight of Yixing's confused, pleading look, and he starts to think that maybe it had been a bad idea not to confess his love for Yixing when their feelings had clearly been mutual. It had just hurt them both, and hadn't that been what Jongdae had been trying to avoid?

Now he's getting needlessly confused. He had been so adamant in his decision to keep his feelings a secret, but Yixing managed to change that with a few sentences.

"Look, Xing," Jongdae says uncertainly, attempting to explain. "Try to look at it from my point of view. I've hurt you so many times by not noticing your feelings, and you know you've hurt me. I don't think we'd be good together, not after we made each other cry so many times."

Yixing places his hands on Jongdae's shoulders and looks into his eyes, pleading. "Then we can make it up to each other, Jongdae. You're all I've wanted for the longest time, and I don't want to live a life without you by my side," he says quietly. "Listen, I love you. Answer me honestly, do you love me?"

Jongdae swallows. "I do," he replies, finding himself unable to lie.

Yixing stops talking for a moment to smile, before taking Jongdae's hand and squeezing it. "Then why can't you give us a chance?"

Jongdae looks away, unable to bear the weight of Yixing's pleading stare. His mind is wavering, wandering, because his heart is crying out  _yes, god yes,_ but his mind is telling him all the reasons he shouldn't. "I don't know," he whispers. "I'm scared."

Yixing sighs, bringing Jongdae's hand up to his lips. It's not a gesture that either of them are familiar with, which is why Jongdae's heart clenches with the sensation of Yixing's soft lips. "I am too," he says. "Believe me, I am. But honestly, as long as you're with me, I feel like I won't have to be scared of anything."

"That's easy for you to say," Jongdae snorts. Sure, everything that Yixing is saying makes his heart pound uncontrollably, but he doesn't understand what's at stake in their relationship here. "You've always been the type to take risks. But me? Not so much. What if we hurt each other? I don't want to go through anything like that ever again."

"You won't have to - "

"You can't say that," Jongdae interrupts sternly. "Feelings change, Yixing, be they yours or mine. I don't want to risk a lifetime with my best friend for a relationship that might not last."

Yixing lets go of Jongdae's hand, a tight look on his face. "So what, you want to go back to being 'best friends'? You want me to sit there and pretend that I don't have feelings for you? You want us to ignore this _thing_ between us and go on acting like nothing's wrong?" he asks, a hint of impatience in his voice.

"Why not?" Jongdae asks. "We were great at doing it before."

"That was because we didn't know, damn it! I can't do that anymore. For fuck's sake,  _I can't._ You have no idea how hard it was to keep it from you for years." Yixing sighs.

"But if you could do it before, then why can't you do it now?"

"Because this time I know you feel the same way - "

Yixing stops himself suddenly, letting an awkward silence stretch over the two. He looks at Jongdae blankly and bites his lip, as if he's made a decision. "You know what?" he asks. From the tone of Yixing's voice, Jongdae has a feeling he's not going to like what Yixing is saying. "If that's what you want, I'm not gonna stop you. You just want us to be friends? Fine. We'll just be friends."

Jongdae's heart lurches in his chest. He supposes that his words were giving the impression that he didn't want to be in a relationship with Yixing, but he does. He does want to be with Yixing so so bad, even if there are consequences. 

"I just wanted you to realize that being in a relationship isn't going to magically solve everything that's happened between us." Jongdae says angrily, the hurt in his chest at the thought of being _just friends_ turning into resentment. "I never said that I wanted to be just friends!"

Yixing looks angry now. "Well, it sure sounded like it to me! God, Jongdae, can you just stop being so _fucking_ misleading and just tell me your answer!?" he shouts impatiently.

"I told you, I don't know!" 

"Well then, fucking decide!"

"This isn't exactly an _easy_ decision, Yixing," Jongdae spits. "Fucking give me some time to think, at least! Can't you wait?!"

Yixing breathes slowly, as if trying to ease his temper. "I've been _waiting_ for seven years." he says mockingly. "Damn it, Jongdae, you try being in love with a best friend that leads you on every chance he gets! You try being in love with someone tells you he loves you right before he goes and has sex with someone else. You don't know hard it's been, damn it, and now you're just being confusing as fuck and it's getting on my nerves - "

"No."

Both Yixing and Jongdae's eyes widen at the word that comes from Jongdae's mouth, the word that decides the relationship (or lack thereof) that they will have in the future.

Yixing's anger seems to dissipate, and he visibly wilts at Jongdae's blank expression. "Wh - what do you mean no?" he asks weakly.

"I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that isn't considerate of my feelings." he says. Even though it sounds like he's confident with his decision, he's really not. Jongdae's heart is hammering at his chest, and he's already mentally hitting himself at the lack of thought he had given this decision.

"I - I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking - "

"I said no."

Yixing deflates even further and nods, face ashen. "Okay," he whispers. "I get it, I'm sorry. Just friends, right?" he sends Jongdae a weak smile and holds his hand out for Jongdae to shake, but Jongdae can't move. He can't do anything but stare, he feels like he's frozen, like he's in a dream and he can't control his actions. The lack of action makes Yixing look even more wounded and he takes his hand back.

"Sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry for everything, Jongdae, really, I was an idiot. Thanks for letting me, well...you know, be your friend even if I've been really shitty."

"Yixing..." Jongdae murmurs, he can't think of anything to say.

"It's fine, I'm fine." Lies. "I'll just...go now, I guess. Thanks for having me."

Yixing turns around and walks forward, shutting the door behind him.

Jongdae's heart falls in his chest.

What the fuck did he just do?

* * *

_No, it can't end like this._

Jongdae takes a few moments to make his decision. He had said he hadn't wanted either of them to be hurt anymore, but isn't that exactly what he had done? The pain in his chest is telling him that he's made a mistake by saying no, because he realizes that him and Yixing can't ever go back to the way they were after a confrontation of this caliber. They can't even be 'just friends' as Jongdae had supposedly wanted, and that defeats the purpose of one of Jongdae's reasons not to pursue a relationship with Yixing - having Yixing standing by him for the rest of his life.

So Jongdae runs. It's only been a few minutes, Yixing couldn't have gotten far. And if he had, then Jongdae knows where he's going to be, and that's in the fateful park of their first meeting.

Sure enough, Yixing is there, sitting on the swing and leaning on a figure that can't be anyone but Sehun. The sight of Yixing embracing someone that isn't Jongdae himself fuels his decision even further. He doesn't want to feel like this every time Yixing does anything remotely affectionate with Sehun, and if the only way to prevent that from happening is to give into his fear of losing his best friend, then so be it.

"Yixing!" he shouts, once he's near enough to hear Yixing's shaky sighs. 

Yixing looks up, and Jongdae's heart breaks when he sees that there are tears in his eyes.

Jongdae opens his mouth to say something that can undo the damage he's done, but Sehun speaks first, glaring daggers.

"Don't," he hisses. "You've done enough."

Jongdae bites back the twinge of annoyance at Sehun's appearance and anger, because he's right. Jongdae has done enough, which is why he needs to fix things.

"It's okay, Sehun," Yixing says, smiling despite the tears in his eyes. "It's his choice, after all. If he doesn't want to, then he doesn't want to. You can't blame him - "

"I was wrong," Jongdae interrupts, before he can hear Yixing defend him for his stupid choice. "Yixing - I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking properly and I got so mad and I'm sorry."

Yixing stares, stunned. It seems like he's waiting for Jongdae to go on, so Jongdae does.

"I didn't tell you because you already looked so happy and I was scared that telling you would take that away," he says. "I didn't tell you because I wanted the two of us to just be happy together even if that didn't mean being together, but I realize that I was wrong. I still don't know if being with you will fix things between us, but all I know is that I'm in love with you and that you're in love with me. And I think that maybe...maybe knowing that is enough for me."

Yixing is still silent, so Jongdae goes on.

"I hurt you just now, and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. But if it means anything, I'd like to try to make it up to you. Yixing, if you'll have me, I'd like it very much if you would let me be your boyfriend."

Jongdae's heart is hammering in his chest by the end of his little speech, so he shuts his eyes. He has no idea if Yixing will accept him after the outbursts they had both had, so he's nervous. Honestly, he's a bit pessimistic in his thoughts, and he can think of nothing but the hurt he'll feel at Yixing's rejection, so he's prepared for a thorough -

"Well, hyung," a voice that Jongdae had forgotten was even here calls. Jongdae opens his eyes to see Sehun facing Yixing, a smile on his face. "I guess this means that I'm breaking up with you."

Both Jongdae and Yixing stare at the younger male, surprised. 

"Oh, don't give me that look," Sehun sighs. "Honestly, everyone's been hoping for you two to get together since day one, me included. I'm just doing my part."

"Sehun..." Yixing says, seemingly touched. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, hyung," Sehun smiles. "Just go get your man."

Jongdae never thought the day would come when he'd be thankful for Oh Sehun's existence, but he had been wrong.

Yixing nods, before walking towards Jongdae and facing him. The butterflies are back in Jongdae's stomach and he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for Yixing's answer, whatever it may be.

But then Yixing surprises him by taking a deep breath and opening his mouth.

_“An X is kiss for a soft kiss_

_An O is for a circled hug_

_Maybe you already know_

_Day by day, I secretly wrote you a letter_

_And that’s what I wrote at the end_

_Although I’ve never given it to you”_

Jongdae's heart clenches at the sound of the familiar melody, his heart pounding violently.

_“When I fall asleep as I think of you in my dreams_

_I open my arms and into my warm embrace_

_I XOXO you, hold you in my arms XOXO_

_As much as I was nervous and earnest_

_My lips almost touch yours_

_I XOXO you, every day in my dreams XOXO”_

Jongdae waits for Yixing to finish singing before opening his mouth to say something, but Yixing beats him to it.

"That was always meant for you, you know," Yixing says.

"I know." Jongdae murmurs, holding his breath.

Yixing smiles. "Then you know that I'm head over heels for you."

Jongdae nods once, unable to say anything in fear that only random noises will come out of his mouth.

"Then I'll have you know that I'd be absolutely demented if I said no to the one thing that I've been wanting you to say for seven years."

Jongdae lets out a sigh of relief and wraps his arms around Yixing's neck, laughing. Yixing laughs right back, hugging Jongdae's waist and picking him up, spinning him around. It would be surprising if it had been anybody else, but Yixing works out. It hurts a little bit, but Jongdae's too happy to be anything but overjoyed at the action.

"You're so cheesy," Jongdae laughs. "I can't believe you wrote me such a sappy song and serenaded me with it. _Twice_."

"You loved it," Yixing chuckles back, burying his face in Jongdae's neck.

Jongdae tips Yixing's chin up to look him straight in the eyes. "I love  _you,"_ he says, before leaning forward for a long-awaited kiss.

When their lips touch, it feels familiar yet new at the same time. His heart hammers at the feeling of their lips just pressing together and making contact, because Yixing feels so  _right_ and  _perfect_ that Jongdae is immediately overjoyed with the decision he's made. Yixing's hands go up to Jongdae's face to bring him closer, so much closer that Jongdae opens his mouth to close the distance even further. Yixing licks at Jongdae's lip tentatively, grinning at the breathy sigh that comes from the smaller male. They kiss harder, exploring each other's mouths until they have to break apart for breath, laughing softly.

"Who's cheesy now?" Yixing laughs, breathing heavily. He pushes their foreheads together and stares down at Jongdae's lips, half in love and half in amazement, as if he can't believe this is actually happening.

Jongdae rolls his eyes, trying to steady the pounding of his heart.

"Ugh, I think I understand why you hated seeing us make out, hyung," Sehun says to Jongdae suddenly. "It looks a lot grosser than it feels."

Yixing laughs, pulling Jongdae to his side. "Thank you, Sehun," Yixing says seriously. "I never would have been able to confess to Jongdae if not for you, and none of this would have happened."

Sehun smiles, his eyes shining. "Don't thank me," he says again. His voice is a little shaky. "I'm happy to have helped - "

He cuts himself off suddenly, and both Jongdae and Yixing's eyes widen when they see tears dripping down Sehun's face.

"D-damn it," the younger boy whispers to himself. "I told myself I wouldn't cry - "

Yixing lets go of Jongdae to dash forward to Sehun, but unlike before, Jongdae doesn't feel a stab of jealousy, more like a tiny prick.

"Sehun-ah," Yixing says, taking Sehun's hand. "Are you okay?"

Sehun nods, struggling to breathe. "Yep," he says tightly. "I'm fine."

Yixing's brows furrow. "Don't lie," he scolds.

Sehun wipes his eyes, laughing. "You know me so well, hyung."

"You don't have to hold it in, Sehun," Yixing says quietly. "You never have to hold it in when you're with me."

Sehun starts to cry softly then, leaning into Yixing and hugging him tightly. Yixing looks back to Jongdae to shoot him a look of apology, but Jongdae is feeling too sorry for Sehun to be truly angry. He nods, feeling touched that Yixing even thought of apologizing to Jongdae.

"I-I'm sorry," Sehun cries. "I know you're happy with J-Jongdae-hyung so I should be h-happy for you, but - "

"It's okay,” Yixing assures, rubbing Sehun's back. " Just let it out."

"I like you," Sehun says suddenly. Jongdae's not that surprised, because he had known all along. "I-I like you a lot, hyung, I have for a while now and I thought I had you but I never did."

"Sehun..." Yixing says sadly.

Sehun laughs bitterly, rubbing his eyes. "This is n- _not_ how I wanted to confess," he murmurs. "But I think - I think this is the best I'll get."

"I'm sorry, Sehun," Yixing says. 

"Don't be sorry, hyung," Sehun says, almost sounding like he's begging. " _Please,_ don't be sorry."

Yixing nods, just letting Sehun cry into his shirt for a while.

"Hyung..." Sehun whispers after a while. "I might be asking for too much, but...but can you kiss me? Just...just for the last time?"

Yixing looks to Jongdae, as if asking for permission. Jongdae's just about to say no, but looking at Sehun's teary face produces pity that Jongdae didn't even know he could feel. He understands where Sehun's coming from, after all, so he nods, albeit a bit hesitantly.

Yixing then nods and turns back to Sehun, before smiling sadly. "Of course," he murmurs.

Sehun presses his lips against Yixing's softly. It's the first time Jongdae's seen the two of them kiss and not make out, because Sehun is kissing Yixing so softly yet so desperately, as if he's trying to savor the feeling of Yixing's lips. Sehun is the one to pull away, wiping the rest of his tears away.

"I think I love you, hyung," Sehun whispers. "I think you were my first love."

Yixing smiles. "I love you too," he says, and Jongdae doesn't know how, but he knows that Yixing means it in the most platonic of ways. Somehow, Sehun knows it too. He smiles at Yixing and pulls away from his embrace.

"I'll see you guys around," he says, winking. He turns to Jongdae then and smiles at him. It doesn't look as forced as it would have been if their roles had been reversed. "Thanks, Jongdae-hyung."

He turns around and walks away then, leaving the two of them alone.

"He was too good for me," Yixing says sadly, staring in the direction that his boyfriend, (well, ex now) leaves in.

Jongdae frowns. "I don't know, a guy that takes advantage of another guy's broken heart by asking him out doesn't exactly seem like a stellar kind of guy." he says, a little bitter.

Yixing laughs. "Still jealous?" he teases.

"Hypocrite," Jongdae pouts. "You didn't seem too pleased when you thought I was dating Baekhyun, or when you thought I liked Kyungsoo."

"Touché," Yixing says. "Sehun didn't ask me out though, I did."

That's a little surprising to hear. Yixing doesn't seem like the type to have a rebound. At Jongdae's confused look, Yixing speaks again. "I thought it was time to move on. I mean, I spent seven years stuck on a guy that probably didn't like me back," he says, shrugging.

Jongdae frowns at the reminder of his obliviousness and takes Yixing's hand. "Well, that guy did like you, he just didn't know it," he says. "So maybe those seven years weren't a total waste of time."

Yixing laughs, before looking down at their intertwined hands. A complex expression crosses his face, a combination of elation and disbelief that has Jongdae raising his eyebrows.

"What's with that face?" he asks.

Yixing shrugs, eyes still fixed on their hands. "I don't know, it's just a little hard to believe that all of this has happened," he admits. "I keep thinking this is a dream and that I'm going to wake up soon."

Jongdae frowns, leaning closer to Yixing. "Well, I think I'll have to fix that," he says, before pressing his lips go Yixing's once again. It's just as mind blowing and perfect as the first kiss, sparks flying each time their lips make contact. They spend a long time just kissing each other, laughing into each other's mouths and holding each other as tight as they can.

When they run out of breath, they break away, panting and smiling. Jongdae can see stars in Yixing's eyes, and he doesn't know if he's just so in love, on a high, or strangely poetic right now. Maybe a combination of all three.

"Still think it's a dream?" he asks softly.

"Yeah," Yixing says, smirking. "I guess you're gonna have to do that again so I'll start believing it's real."

Jongdae laughs, complying with Yixing's wish by kissing him yet again.

* * *

Everything is different yet the same.

Jongdae wakes up to Yixing's face hovering above his, impatience in his eyes.

"Jongdae, we'll be late," he says. "Two weeks left of high school and you still can't get up on time."

Jongdae whines, whacking Yixing's face with a nearby pillow. "Who let you in here?" he asks groggily.

Yixing smiles, amused. "Your mom did, she said you didn't wake up and she had to head out, so she asked me to do it."

Right. Jongdae had been up last night talking to Yixing about the most random of things, and when his best friend had fallen asleep, he hadn't been able to do the same, too busy thinking about said best friend.

"I'm sleepy," he murmurs, turning over to lie on his stomach. Yixing's far too chipper this early in the morning.

"Jongdae," Yixing sighs.

Jongdae ignores him, favoring his soft bed and pillow.

"Okay, I know. If you get up right now, I'll give you a kiss."

Jongdae perks up, pushing against the bed to sit up. He faces Yixing eagerly, waiting for his promised kiss.

Yixing laughs, pinching Jongdae's cheek. "That was fast," he comments, before leaning in to press his lips against Jongdae's. However, just when Jongdae's eyes flutter shut in anticipation, he feels Yixing's lips land on his cheek instead. He opens his eyes to see an innocent look on Yixing's face and pouts.

"What?" Yixing chuckles, amused by the look on Jongdae's face. "You have morning breath. No way I'm kissing you."

Jongdae whines. It's too early in the morning for Yixing's shenanigans. "That's rude, it's not _my_ fault I was sleeping."

"Okay, brush your teeth and go get ready for school, then I'll consider it. I'll be waiting outside, okay?"

Jongdae sighs, getting off the bed and glaring at Yixing. "You manipulative little minx," he murmurs, earning another laugh from Yixing before he leaves the room. 

It doesn't take long for Jongdae to get ready for school, going through his morning routine quite mechanically. In his barely woken up state, not a lot of thoughts are in his brain so he gets ready quickly, walking downstairs with no sense of urgency.

Yixing is waiting for him, a bright grin on his face. "There you are," he says. "Come on, let's go."

"How the hell are you so excited this early?" Jongdae asks, still a little sleepy.

Yixing grins, walking over to Jongdae. "That's because I had a really good dream this morning. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember you were in it," he says, before reaching for Jongdae's hand and tugging on it, leading them go his car. Jongdae can only stare at their hands in surprise, mouth hanging open.

Yixing notices Jongdae's lack of response and looks at him curiously. "Something wrong?" he asks.

Jongdae's brows furrow. "I don't know, it's just kinda...weird."

"What is?"

"You holding my hand..."

Yixing immediately lets go, the look of a hurt puppy on his face. "I'm sorry, I thought it would be okay to - "

Jongdae grabs Yixing's hand again, alarm on his face. "Not the bad kind of weird," he clarifies. "It's just weird because we hold hands a lot so it should feel normal, but it feels different somehow. It's weird."

Yixing smiles immediately, before pressing his lips to Jongdae's in a soft, close-mouthed kiss. "Maybe it's because we can do this now," he says cheekily, after pulling away.

Jongdae glares half-heartedly. "Tease," he comments, before pulling Yixing for a proper good morning kiss, one that has sparks flying all the way down to the tips of Jongdae's toes. When they pull away, bright grins are painted on both of their faces. Jongdae sticks out his arm for Yixing to hold, a cheesy, lovestruck smile on his face.

"Shall we go, my boyfriend?" he asks, the label feeling sweet on his lips (or maybe that was the aftertaste of Yixing's minty toothpaste).

Yixing smiles, looping his arm through Jongdae's. "We shall," he says happily, before they head over to Yixing's car for another, considerably brighter day at school.

* * *

"I can't believe we're graduating," Chanyeol comments to his friends during lunch.

Sehun snorts, sipping at a cup of bubble tea that he must have bought before school started. "I can't believe you're graduating either, hyung," he snarks. "With your grades, I thought you'd be held back a year."

Tao snickers at Sehun's insult, earning a glare from Chanyeol. "Like your grades are any better," he tries to bite back to Sehun.

Jongin interrupts. "Actually, they are. Just by a little bit."

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he mumbles. "Being a senior is hard."

"Not to Kyungsoo," Jongdae comments randomly. Kyungsoo ignores him and goes on eating, not really wanting to be a part of this conversation.

Chanyeol squints at Jongdae suspiciously. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if you've got a thing for Kyungsoo. I mean, you're always flirting with him and stuff." 

Jongdae rolls his eyes. "I didn't know a common observation meant liking someone," he says. "And anyway, I have a boyfriend already."

Yixing's eyes widen. He makes eye contact with Jongdae, surprised that he's already going to reveal their relationship. After all, it's only been a day.

Jongin cocks his head curiously. "Is it Baekhyun-hyung? You're back together with him?"

Yixing clicks his tongue at the mention of Baekhyun, still clearly bitter about him. Jongdae resists the urge to chuckle and tease him about it. "No," Yixing says, slightly irritated. "Jongdae wouldn't date that asshole ever again. He's dating me now."

The table suddenly becomes quiet, and Jongdae fears that him and Yixing have murdered four people with a single revelation.

Tao is the first to react, letting out a garbled screech that nobody can understand. "Wha...WHAT...WUH?!" he yells, looking to Sehun confusedly.

Sehun laughs at Tao's panicked yelling. "No one has any idea what the fuck you're saying, Tao."

Chanyeol speaks for him, nothing but confusion in his voice. "...you're fucking with us, right??" 

"I thought you and Sehun were dating?" Jongin asks Yixing. "How...what...are you cheating on him...? I'm so confused? Is this a joke?"

Kyungsoo just looks at the two in shock, eyes wide.

Sehun laughs again, amused by his friends' expressions of pure shock. "Guys, it's simple. I broke up with Yixing-hyung so these two started going out," he explains. "About fucking time, too."

"Whoa, too much drama," Chanyeol says. "I'm out."

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the taller boy, before smiling at Jongdae. "I'm glad it worked out in the end, Jongdae," he says. 

Jongin smiles, seemingly over his initial shock and confusion. "Congratulations, you guys! I always was rooting for you two," he says.

"Dude, I'm right here, you know." Sehun says, unamused. "I thought we were friends."

Tao just looks at Sehun, then at Yixing, before leaning over to whisper to Jongdae. "This makes Sehun single, right?" he asks.

Jongdae just laughs and nods, not missing the way Tao pumps his fist at Jongdae's affirmation.

Chanyeol pats Yixing on the back. "Congrats man. That brings an end to, what, how many years of pining after Jongdae?"

"Seven," Yixing answers. "And thanks, you gu - "

Yixing is suddenly interrupted by none other than Baekhyun running into their conversation, quite literally. He crashes into Chanyeol, eyes wide.

"Did I hear wrong or are you guys dating?" Baekhyun asks.

Yixing furrows his brows. "How did you even hear that?"

"Doesn't matter!" Baekhyun shouts urgently. "Now tell me, are you two dating or not?!"

Yixing rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but I don't see how that's any of your - "

Baekhyun interrupts him by running over to Jongdae and grabbing both his hands, screaming and jumping in joy.

"Holy shit!" he yells. "You did it, Kim Jongdae, YOU FUCKING DID IT! Dear God Almighty, FINALLY!"

Jongdae laughs. "You seem more excited about this than I do."

"No shit!" Baekhyun shouts. He runs over to a random table, still shouting happily. "ZHANG YIXING AND KIM JONGDAE ARE FINALLY DATING!" he yells, undeterred by the judging looks he's receiving.

"Oh my God, Baekhyun, you're so embarrassing..." Jongdae mumbles. Baekhyun pays him no mind as he grabs a random passerby and hugs him as tight as he can, whooping joyfully.

"Baekhyun, what the fuck?" the passerby asks confusedly, shoving Baekhyun off of him. It just so happens to be Luhan, followed by a confused Minseok.

Awkward.

Baekhyun doesn't seem to care as he continues his joyful shouting. "YIXING AND JONGDAE ARE DATING!" he yells.

Luhan's eyes widen in pleasant surprise, grabbing Baekhyun by the shoulders to look into his eyes. "Are you shitting me?!" he exclaims.

Baekhyun shakes his head, that shit eating grin still on his face.

Luhan whoops and runs over to the pair, grinning brightly. "Holy fuck, finally! Minseok, you owe me a fucking pizza! Holy shit!" he yells.

Minseok just rolls his eyes.

"You were betting on us?" Yixing asks, amused.

Luhan just ignores him. "I knew this day would come! God, all that awkward drama was worth it, dear God!"

Minseok steps forward to both Yixing and Jongdae, his face unreadable. He doesn't seem as excited as Baekhyun or Luhan upon hearing the news, which is a little strange. "Congratulations, you two," he says, a thin smile on his face. It's a little off putting, to be honest.

"Thanks," Yixing says back. Jongdae says nothing. He's still not over what Minseok had said a while back, and he hadn't even properly apologized.

Minseok nods at Jongdae and turns back to his boyfriend. "Luhan, let's go," he says, leaving Luhan to stop yelling about the newfound relationship with Baekhyun and chase after him.

"This was not the reaction I had in mind when I was thinking about telling you guys," Jongdae laughs, watching as Baekhyun excitedly sits at their table with a giant grin.

"Have you guys kissed yet?" Baekhyun asks excitedly, ignoring Jongdae. 

"Hyung, they kissed at that one party, remember?" Sehun reminds him. "But yeah, they did. You have _no_ idea how cheesy these two are, though."

Baekhyun's eyes widen in anticipation. "You were there? Holy shit, tell me more."

Jongdae turns red. "Sehun,  _no - "_

"Yeah, Jongdae-hyung was all like  _'Yixing, if you'll have me, then I'd so very much love to be your boyfrie' - "_

Jongdae clamps his hands over his ears. "I'm not listening to this!" he yells, earning a laugh from Yixing, his boyfriend.

"It's okay," he hears Yixing say. "You can just listen to me. I love you, Jongdae."

While Jongdae's heart just trembles in his chest at Yixing's cheesiness, everyone in the table groans.

* * *

"Tao, do you think you can stop crying? You're getting tears all over my toga."

Tao hiccups, shaking his head furiously. "B-but you guys are leaving," he cries. "I-I won't get to see the two of you being all - all lovey dovey again."  
  
"It's just college, Taozi," Yixing laughs, seemingly amused by the wet spots on Jongdae's toga. "If you ever want to hang out, just tell us. We'll still see each other, right?"  
  
Tao wipes his eyes and pulls away from Jongdae, still sniffing. "I'll miss you, hyung," he murmurs, looking at Yixing. "I won't have anyone to talk to in Chinese anymore."  
  
Jongdae clicks his tongue. "Oh, I see how it is. I'm the one who has to suffer your snot all over his toga, but you're only going to miss Yixing?" he snorts. "That's nice. Real nice of you, Tao."  
  
Tao laughs, before pulling Jongdae into another tight hug. "I'll miss you too, hyung," he amends, chuckling tightly. "No one's going to sass me for the things I do anymore."  
  
Sehun scoffs. "Excuse you."  
  
Yixing laughs. "There you go, Taozi. Sehun-ah will take of you while we're gone, so you won't have to worry, alright?"  
  
Sehun grins. "Don't worry, hyung," he says. "I'll take care of your son."  
  
Jongdae looks up at Sehun. "If Tao is your son, does that make me his mom?" he asks, a little disturbed by the image.  
  
Yixing smiles. "Of course, Jongdae," he says. "Ever since little Taozi was abandoned by Junmyeon and Yifan, I've decided to adopt him. And as my boyfriend, that makes you his mother."  
  
"Why am I his mom?" Jongdae whines.  
  
Tao pulls away from Jongdae then. "It's because you're shorter, and you have that motherly feel to you," he answers.

"You do scold me a lot," Sehun says thoughtfully.

Yixing laughs at that, leaving the other three to laugh with him. Once their laughter dies down, Tao looks to both Jongdae and Yixing, frowning slightly. "I really will miss you guys," he says.  
  
Sehun nods. "Me too."

"We'll miss you too," Yixing says amicably. "But we'll always be just one text message or phone call away, so we won't be that far away, okay?"

Jongdae smiles at his younger friends. "Take care of yourselves, got it? Study hard. If you two need notes or something for college, you can always come to me or Yixing for help. Make sure you do your best, the two of us will always be cheering for you!" he says. "We'll miss you."

There's a beat of silence, one where Jongdae thinks Tao might start crying again, but Sehun interrupts him. "No wonder you're the mom," he laughs. Jongdae huffs, whacking the younger boy.

"I was being serious!" Jongdae pouts.

Sehun smiles, a soft, fond smile that has Jongdae at a loss for words. Sehun's never smiled like that before, at least not at him. "I'll miss you too, hyung," he says. "Thanks for everything."

Yixing grins, pleased at the lack of hostility between them. Jongdae's just as pleased about it, if not more. He's just about to hug Sehun for the first time ever when he feels a hand clap against his back painfully, leaving him to stumble. He turns around to find a stupidly grinning Baekhyun, Kyungsoo standing behind him and smiling.

"Baekhyun, that hurt!" Jongdae protests.

However, Jongdae's whining doesn't seem to put off Baekhyun's good mood in the slightest.

"Lighten up, man, we've graduated!" Baekhyun cheers, clapping Yixing's back as well. Yixing looks like he might be annoyed for the briefest of seconds, but it goes away once he sees how genuinely happy Baekhyun seems to be. No matter how much Yixing hates Baekhyun, Jongdae knows that Yixing would hate to shit on someone's good day. "No more studying for us!"

Jongdae snorts. "As if you actually studied," he snarks, earning a giggle from Yixing.

Baekhyun grins. "Of course I did," he says, hooking an arm around Jongdae's shoulders. "I studied how to do you. Pretty sure I aced that."

A beat of silence, one where everyone prays for Baekhyun's life.

"I've never killed someone before," Yixing mumbles. "But I'm sure I can learn."

"I can help teach you," Kyungsoo offers. "Someone needs to shut him up."

"Graduating is gonna be useless if you get yourself killed, Baekhyun-hyung." Sehun says, chuckling.

Baekhyun laughs, letting go of Jongdae to pinch Yixing's cheek. "You're so cute, Xing," he coos. "I know for a fact that you couldn't even kill a fly."

Yixing glares at Baekhyun. "That's true, but people that even so much as _look_ at my boyfriend in the wrong way are lower than flies to me, Byun Baekhyun." he warns. "Also, Kyungsoo is probably an expert at killing people, so don't test me."

Jongdae finds himself blushing because one, a jealous Yixing is pretty much the hottest thing he's ever seen, and two, Yixing called him his boyfriend. Oh God. That means it's official. Sure, it's been official for a few weeks, but still. That word never fails to make Jongdae's week. He can hardly keep himself from smiling like an idiot. His cheeks actually hurt.

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Hyuuuung," he whines. "Your man is smiling like an idiot again."

Yixing grins, amused. "You mean my boyfriend?"

Jongdae's heart explodes in his chest. Yixing calling him his boyfriend  _and_ smiling his signature Yixing smile has him biting his lip in giddiness.

Sehun groans. "Don't say the b-word, you know how he gets."

"But my boyfriend's cute like this," Yixing says. "I could call him my boyfriend all day long if it meant getting to see him being so adorable."

Jongdae punches Yixing's arm repeatedly, unable to keep his feelings inside. "Fuck you, Zhang Yixing!" he yells. "Stop being a piece of shit!"

"But I'm _your_ piece of shit, right, boyfriend?"

"Yixing, if you keep up with this greasiness, you won't have to kill me because I'll do it myself," Baekhyun deadpans.

"I second that motion," Sehun says.

"Third," Kyungsoo sighs.

"Yeah, please stop rubbing your relationship in my face," Tao mumbles. "I'm still sad and single, you know."

"Not for long." Sehun says innocently.

"What?"

"What?"

"Sehun, did you just say - "

"Oh look, it's Luhan-hyung!"

"Oh my God, Sehun - "

"Luhan-hyung!" Sehun calls, walking over to the older boy.

Jongdae looks at Yixing, bewildered by Sehun's behavior. Yixing just shrugs in response.

"Jongin tells me Sehun's been doing that for a while now," Kyungsoo says, noticing the pair's confusion. "He hasn't actually made a move though, just hinted at it."

Baekhyun sighs, patting Tao's back. "You picked a hell of a guy to like, Tao," he says. "Good luck."

Tao just nods solemnly.

"Oh, speaking of Jongin, how are you guys?" Jongdae asks, turning to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo chuckles. "We're good," he explains. "He's beat up over Chanyeol and I graduating, sure, but he'll be okay."

"Oh, so you guys aren't dating yet? That's a shame, you look good together," Yixing says.

Kyungsoo blushes, looking down at his feet. "It's complicated..."

Jongdae wants to hear more, but Kyungsoo's interrupted by Sehun bringing a smiling Luhan along. Jongdae cocks his head to the side to see if Minseok is trailing after him, but there's no sign of the older boy. That's strange.

"Hey guys," Luhan greets. "Congrats, we made it!"

The rest of the seniors cheer, but something feels wrong.

"Where's Minseok?" Jongdae asks.

Immediately, Luhan's face tightens, his smile becoming impossibly forced. "Oh, uh we...we kinda...broke up."

"What? No way," Yixing gasps. "What happened?"

Luhan shrinks into himself, stepping closer to Sehun and Tao. "It wasn't working," he says quietly. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Tao places his hand on Luhan's shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look. Both him and Sehun seem to understand something that the rest of them don't. "Sorry, hyung," he says. "You deserve better."

"I don't know what happened, but it'll be okay," Baekhyun says next.

"He probably wasn't that great anyway, breaking up with you before graduating," Kyungsoo puts in.

"Yeah, you'll get through this," Yixing says sympathetically. "You're a great guy, I'm sure you'll find someone else."

Jongdae just nods. He's curious, but he doesn't want to pry. "Sorry, man," he says instead.

Luhan laughs. "Thanks guys, but I'm fine. Really."

There's an awkward silence.

"Anyway," Luhan interrupts. "Did you guys hear about Yifan and Junmyeon?"

"Oh my God," Jongdae says, eyes widening. "Good news?"

"I guess so? I mean, I  _did_ see them making out in the bathroom earlier..."

"Thank  _God,"_ Jongdae sighs dramatically. "I swear, I was there when they fought, and it was the most awkward thing I've ever experienced in my whole life."

"You mean when you slept with Junmyeon?" Baekhyun asks innocently. "Man, you sure do get around, Jongdae."

"I think you seriously have a death wish, hyung," Sehun says.

Yixing only smiles menacingly, locking eyes with Baekhyun.

Tao shivers. "God, I'm just reminded of that one time during lunch. Junmyeon-hyung was so scary then."

"Don't remind me," Luhan sighs.

"What happened?" Kyungsoo asks.

"Oh, well, apparently Junmyeon and Yifan had an argument the night before, and since we're in the same group of friends, they had to eat together the day after. We had to experience Junmyeon being the scariest he's ever been, all the while trying to make Yifan jealous by clinging onto Jongdae. God, it was so awkward for everyone..."

Yixing inches closer to Jongdae during Luhan's explanation, grabbing his hand. "Do you think they'll mind if we disappear for a while?" he whispers, making Jongdae chuckle.

"I'm sure they'll understand," Jongdae whispers back.

Yixing grins, turning to the others. "Hey guys," he calls. "Jongdae and I are gonna go for a bit, is that okay?"

The first one to react is Luhan, who whistles at Yixing's statement. "Yeah, go get some of that ass, Xing!" he cheers.

"Don't forget to use protection!" Baekhyun calls out. "Jongdae could get pregnant, you know. I'm too young to be an uncle."

Jongdae turns red at that, more out of anger than embarrassment. "Oh my God, Baekhyun, shut up."

Sehun grins, deciding to join in. "Lube is important too, you guys," he says. "Going in dry is almost never fun. It's also really hard."

"Hard," Tao giggles.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at everyone's antics. "Go ahead, guys," he says. "We'll see you later."

Yixing smiles thankfully at Kyungsoo, tugging on Jongdae's hand and leading him up the stairs. Both of them ignore the catcalls and the whistles coming from their friends.

"Where are we going?" Jongdae asks, curious.

Yixing smiles back at him. "Rooftop. I wanna show you something."

* * *

 "I don't think... _this_ was what you wan-wanted to show me," Jongdae sighs quietly, enjoying the way Yixing mouths at his jaw, no doubt intending to leave a few hickies.

"Why?" Yixing pouts, looking up at Jongdae. He moves his lips down to Jongdae's neck, kissing and sucking. "You mean you don't like it?"

"That's not what I meant, you ass - ah!"

Yixing grins as he nibbles at the side of Jongdae's neck again, relishing in the soft whine that comes out of Jongdae's lips.

"Sweet spot?" Yixing teases.

"Just kiss me, asshole," Jongdae mumbles.

Yixing complies, tilting Jongdae's chin up to press their lips together. The kiss is as mind blowing as their first (even if Jongdae doesn't really remember it). Half of it is just heat, passion - the two of them desperate to explore each other, to just make contact, while half of it is just the high they feel from being together after waiting for so long.

They break apart for breath, pressing their foreheads together. Jongdae still can't believe that this is happening - that his best friend is finally more than just his best friend. He must have done something amazing to have deserved to have Yixing like this.

"What did you want to show me?" Jongdae asks quietly.

Yixing grins, positioning himself to lie down on Jongdae's lap. "This," he says, handing Jongdae a necklace that he takes from his pocket. "I made it."

Jongdae takes the necklace, inspecting it. It's a necklace with a silver chain and a small bottle pendant with a rolled up piece of paper inside. The piece of paper seems to be surrounded by silver glitter, giving it a soft sparkle. There's a small, gold music note stuck to the side of the bottle, and Jongdae thinks he can see a small  _KJD+ZYX_ engraved onto it. How Yixing made this, he doesn't know. It looks so intricate and detailed.

"How did you make this?" he asks, amazed. "It's beautiful."

Yixing grins. "Pinterest."

Jongdae smiles at the answer and inspects the necklace again. This time, he attempts to pull off the cork to read what's on the piece of paper, but Yixing stops him.

"Don't open it," he says. "If you ever feel like you don't want to be with me anymore, that's when you can open it."

Jongdae's brows furrow. "Where did you get that idea? I don't think I'll ever have to open it."

"I got it from a movie." Yixing answers. "That's what the girl who got it said, but she ended up opening it. You can never be too sure."

Jongdae inspects the necklace yet again, still marvelling at its beauty and intricacy. He still has no idea how Yixing managed to pull it off. It hardly even seems doable.

"You want me to put it on you?" Yixing asks.

Without waiting for an answer, Yixing sits up and unclasps the hook, bringing the two ends of the chain around Jongdae's neck. Jongdae finds himself smiling as Yixing leans his head over Jongdae's shoulder to clasp it properly.

"Thank you, Yixing," Jongdae whispers.

Yixing answers by pressing a soft, loving kiss to Jongdae's lips, grinning brightly.

Jongdae smiles. "Well, I kind of got you something too, but I feel bad that it's not as personal as yours." he mumbles.

Still, Yixing perks up. "What is it?"

Jongdae takes out the ring from his jacket pocket. It's just a plain gold band, but Jongdae had spent some of his money to ask for a carving of his name on the inside of the ring. "Here," he says. "I have one too."

Yixing only notices the shining gold band on Jongdae's right ring finger then.

"Are you proposing to me?" Yixing asks, taking the ring from Jongdae and inspecting it.

"Not yet," Jongdae grins. "Maybe in a few years." 

Yixing smiles at the insinuation, taking the ring to put it on his right ring finger.

"Wait, let me put it on," Jongdae says. He takes Yixing's hand and slides the ring onto his finger. It feels oddly intimate.

"We're so cheesy," Yixing laughs. "Necklaces and couple rings, huh?"

"I love you."

The words come out so suddenly, it surprises both Jongdae and Yixing. However, Jongdae's pleased to see Yixing's cheeks turn into a lovely shade of pink.

"Aw, you're blushing!" Jongdae coos. "So cute."

"You said it so suddenly," Yixing murmurs. "That's unfair."

"Well, you didn't say it back," Jongdae whines. "After all the cheesy gift giving, I don't even get an 'I love you'?"

Yixing laughs at Jongdae's pouting face. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I love you, Jongdae. I can't believe I actually have you here with me right now."

Jongdae smiles, pleased. He presses a kiss to Yixing's forehead and leans his head on Yixing's shoulder, happy at last.

__"Everything's gonna be okay, right, Xing?" he asks.  


"Better than okay," Yixing answers, intertwining their fingers. "As long as you're with me, then everything's gonna be _perfect_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tries to insert hints abt other side stories*
> 
> can anyone tell i don't know how to write endings? (legit tho i think this is the first chaptered story i've ever finished lol) srsly last scene felt so shitty. maybe its bc its like 5am and i was hit with the angry urge to finish this
> 
> oh uh i kinda got the necklace thing from yes or no 2, it's a thai movie abt two girls in love its pretty gr8 u should check it out
> 
> also in case u guys are wondering, sexing is my otp but for some reason they didn't end up together??? w H y. oh well it's ok if they bad ended up together i feel like u guys would have murdered me or smth
> 
> omg guys of course i'm not evil enough to not end this with xingdae. well, actually i am but eh. like legit i was so clOSE TO NOT ENDING IT WITH XINGDAE. LIKE LEGIT YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA. but that would ruin like taohun side story so looooool be thankful for tao guys (i know i am) he saved you. eh i feel like i could have done this better but it's been ages and i wanted to finish it asap 
> 
> anyway this isn't the end! next up is yixing's pov, so pls read that too, but knowing me it'll take a while fuck me lol. 
> 
> thanks for reading, guys!! hopefully ur all still ok i mean this story took a lot out of me emotionally so like idk is it the same for you lol 
> 
> also can i just say that the most emotionally devastating story (at least in my opinion) is probably the xiuhan one so watch out lmao
> 
> prepare for more drama worthy moments, readers!! im currently watching a shit ton of dramas so i may or not be heavily influenced by them now lmao
> 
> (watch the rich man's daughter guys its a filipino drama about two girls in love and hoLY SHIT ITS FUCKING GREAT.)
> 
> also!! talk to me on twitter @felixthefuckboy. i need friends :(


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